ex bf, best friend online dating disaster!

[panicgirl86]

So, I was dumped by my bf 12 days ago, no contact either side since then.

 

Last night my best friend text me to tell me that she had just received an online message from him (they've never met in person) from him on pof! Wow!

 

Basically he had sent a message wanting to know more about her so she replied with something along the lines of "I don't think will work seems as *** is my best friend and you just dumped her!" He then replies and says that he hopes I'm ok, and he didn't want to hurt me! I am mortified, didn't know if to laugh or cry, I must admit the comedy factor to all this but it did hurt quite deeply as I now feel that all that we talked about when we called it quits was BS! He felt he couldn't give me the time I wanted and that he wasn't ready for the type of commitment that he felt I wanted, but here he is again online (where we met) looking for a replacement it would seem so soon! This confirms to me that it was just me he didn't want a relationship with even though he said he did but was worried that he wouldn't be able to give all that I want from him.

 

Just needed to vent this, I'm annoyed because I feel that he lied to me and I clearly didn't mean as much to him as he did to me! Has anyone else been in a similar situation, could really do with some support : (

 

I must admit I am giggling a bit at how his made a bit of an idiot of himself!

[Lateralis]

Yep, I definitely know how it is to think you matter to someone as much as they matter to you. When emotions are running high and you're enjoying someone's company more than you ever have, then they're telling you how amazing you are to them and how much they love you, you can't help but just soak it all up and believe every word. But if they can say that, and then turn around and dump you a week or two later, then they were just spitting out BS.

 

What really sucks is I know this is going to affect my future relationships now. I have to be very wary now about believing someone when they tell me they love me or how highly they think of me. Even if in the new case it's 100% true and this girl wants me more than anything she's ever wanted, I'll still have trouble accepting it now. I don't ever want to feel this hurt again, I've already felt it before and it's even worse this time, and I never want to experience it again. Because of that now I have to put up defense mechanisms when really it's not fair to the new partner. I should treat the new relationship as exactly that, NEW, having nothing to do with the past. That should be how I think about it but because of what's been done to me before I'm going to have a lot of trouble letting people in now.

 

So thank you, ex. Thank you for making me feel this way and turning me into someone who's afraid to let someone close. I appreciate it.

[RedDress]

Why not give him the benefit of doubt? Yes, it's possible that it was just a line. But it's also possible that he doesn't want commitment and just wants to date casually/have sex with some women. Just because he's online messaging people doesn't mean he's online looking for a serious relationship. Now... if you found out he was getting married a few months later - that would be a sure sign it was a lie. But simply being online? Not so much.

 

Actually... I'd be a little upset with your girlfriend. Why would she tell you something like that so soon after the breakup? She had to know that was going to hurt. She could have simply told him that she was your friend and that - no - she wouldn't be dating him... but to also tell you about it? I dunno. Not nice. Some things are better left unsaid.

[panicgirl86]

Thanks for the reply guys! I don't think he's looking for casual sex as he's a 30 year old virgin! Idk, maybe he's just trying to stroke his own ego or just wanting to flirt and fill his time and start dating again.

 

I think she told me because she was as shocked as I was and I value her honesty as I wouldn't like her to hide this kind of thing from me.

 

It does hurt, but I suppose ill just have to deal with the fact that he clearly doesn't care too much about me and has had no problem moving on so soon!

 

Lateralis, I just got teary reading your post! I completely understand how you feel, it feels like the same thing happening over and over again and the more it happens, the harder it becomes to trust. I don't want to end up bitter! I figure that if I can get past being left by my daughters father when I was pregnant, this should be a walk in the park but not so much! This breakup is more painful than some of the longer relationships I've had in the past. Its hard to get past the feeling of lonliness, rejection and hurt and it forces you to. Blame on yourself but then I just think that he would never have treated me how I deserve anyway, but I hate to think that he'll meet someone else and give them everything that he didn't give me and will want to commit properly to this new person. Overall, this online dating mishap was like a final kick in the stomach! Just when I thought I was starting to move forward from this : (