I want her back so bad.

[metal921]

Its been about 3 or 4 weeks since we have broken up. I dont have a clue because I dont even keep track of time anymore. Its been really hard and I miss her so much.

 

Might as well get onto the details.

 

We have done this breaking up thing twice before with her giving me chances. In our relationship I would always have these rages of jealousy and unappreciation. I felt like she would eventually leave me for some other guy and I would constantly tell her that. I would also tell her these nasty things and my gosh do I regret them so much! She really loved me because she would take it. Dont get me wrong, I wasnt this bad, I would be nice to her whenever I could, but sometimes I would feel that all these things I did for her where in vein and that she would never appreciate these things even though she really did. We would also fight alot only to make up hours after the fight. Before our last fight it seemed like she just wanted to do things alone, like going out, etc. When I was there though she would be really happy. Our last fight was because I told her that it bugs me that she goes out to shows and that all these guys would try to hit on her. I said, "If you want to do anything you want, I think we should break up!" and that made her mad and she said, "Fine then dont ever call me again!"

 

So in this small amount of time, I have realized my mistakes, and my jealousy issues, and the fact that she can do whatever she wants. I dont own her and neither does she, I learned about how real healthy relationships work and how we both are suppose to trust each other and supply each other with different needs. If she wants to go to a rock show then she can. I dont need to be there. At the end of the day shes with me and no one else.

 

So, two days later I went to talk to her and wanted to get back with her but obviously she denied me. She said that she was tired of the same old situation and that it was too much. She talked to a friend of hers and she said that they opened her eyes, that now she isnt as dumb as she thought she was. I drove her away and man I miss her so much. So I let my feelings explode and started to cry telling her how much I will change (done this before actually, the past two times) and she just looked at me with a sad look and left. I love her with all my heart and have been suffering for weeks now. I dont sleep, eat, or even want to get out of bed. I see no future now. I really miss her and I just remember the good times, and the many times she would call me to be with her. She loved me and I screwed up! I beat myself up so much.

 

A week passed and I tried this "NC Letter" but I learned that doesnt work if you did the damage. So I talked to her this past saturday and explained everything, and it seemed like shes trying so hard to forget about me.

 

I really need a sort of help. I am trying to slowly change but I feel like she will forget me if I spend too much time to change my ways. We havent talked at all except for this past saturday, and today (I called just to say hi and wanted to know how shes doing: she sounded kind of bothered and it pained me so much)

 

It seems like I dont have another chance. Like I should just stop talking to her completely but I cant. I love this girl so much I cannot let her go. I cannot let something go, when I screwed it up. IDK what to do.

 

Please dont tell me to forget about her and move on. That seems to be the answer to everything but I honestly think its stupid. It just avoids the damn problem never solves it.

 

Thanks guys! Hopefully I can find some sort of help

[Mb1212]

Give her her space for now I know it's hard I'm going through a break up as well but try to get better with hopes of reconciliation.

[metal921]

Thanks man. I get that answer alot. But by space meaning no talking to her at all? I was thinking of doing nice things here and there. Not all the time but slowly.

[Keykey]

Please dont tell me to forget about her and move on. That seems to be the answer to everything but I honestly think its stupid. It just avoids the damn problem never solves it.

 

This is what most of people here suggests you kind of in a similar situation to me, the fights that I had with my ex- was more about my jealousy and insecurity that drove him to lost his feelings for me. I realized I also screwed things up, that guy loved me and now suddenly lost his feeling.. maybe because I drove him to maybe also different perspective. But I know how it was and I know I did a mistakes. Now that we broke up and he said he lost his feeling, I cant stop blaming myself for what I did through our relationship and really... I want to change myself to be better person! trust is all I need to build that inside me

[Capricorn3]

Give her space and do NOT contact her. It seems for her it's over and you should respect that. Also, don't "do nice things here and there". Leave it be. The ball is in HER court IF she chooses to want to talk to you again.

[metal921]

Ahh man. That sucks bad. What would happen if I do all those things? If I try to show her I can change? Ive already accepted that for her its over, but I just cannot give this up. I screwed it up bad but I know that in time we can slowly create a new relationship. I know she still wants to be together but shes trying so hard to forget about me.

[Capricorn3]

What would happen if I do all those things?

You'll probably push her away even more. Leave her alone. IF SHE wants to be with you, then she'll no doubt be in touch. It's her choice.

[metal921]

I'm sorry for asking too many questions but why? Why? I was an ******* but wouldnt she see that I'm trying to change? She said she wants to be with me she just cant because we will be in the same place as we are now and I understand that. Hell, I wouldnt get back with her either because we both need time to heal, I never thought she could be this cold and just walk away after seeing me break down into tears.

[MasterPo]

It reads like she's tired of your drama. Most be a little more than a tantrum every so often. Chances are she misses you too. Don't read into that but she dug in her heels and she wants more from you. Trouble is, you can't say it you have to gut it out and work on your issues. I think she will call you out of the blue and no, it's not false hope and I don't know when, but she will call and you will be tested. Better work on your issues now and figure out a life for yourself during this hiatus. Long difficult journey my friend, no contact is not optional. I wish you luck.

[metal921]

Masterpro. Thank you. I appreciate this man. I will stick through no contact. I will work on my issues hard.

[Capricorn3]

I'm sorry for asking too many questions but why? Why? I was an ******* but wouldnt she see that I'm trying to change? She said she wants to be with me she just cant because we will be in the same place as we are now.

She's NOT being cold. She's being honest. Also, what you don't seem to understand is that she speaks from experience. You say you have broken up twice before because of your behaviour. Now you have broken up yet again. You keep saying you are trying to change but it seems you never do. THAT is why she's had enough. She's not being cold. She's being realistic. You have proven to her that nothing changes. She doesn't trust you anymore (rightfully so).

 

As MastefrPo says above, time to work on your own issues. Ever consider counselling?

[metal921]

I know what I need to work on. My fits of rage and jealousy. Stubborness, etc. In real talk, this breakup has changed me, and has made me look at things from the other side. I have been working on my issues but I seem to have many unanswered questions. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt this way. This is a new experience for me and I dont know how to approach it. I hate it but I am also embracing it. This breakup also let me look at myself and what I need to work at. But the thought is still there. Her. I cannot let her go but if I need to let her be for her to be happy, I will. I will never stop trying to get her back tho. I say this from the heart, Im one of those people who are extremely determined, but I will take both of your guys' advice.

[MasterPo]

I cannot let her go but if I need to let her be for her to be happy, I will. I will never stop trying to get her back tho. I say this from the heart, Im one of those people who are extremely determined, but I will take both of your guys' advice.

 

Work on this. It isn't like we gave you a set of instructions on how to get her back, we told you to work ON YOU! Find out what you are going through and learn from it. Maybe I'm reading into it but it reads like borderline stalking. Leave her alone. Work on YOU!!! It'll be okay, go exercise if you get too crazy and take care of yourself.

[metal921]

You guys are right. Guess I will have to just relax and be hopeful. If she does come back then I will show her that I am a new person. I just wish I could go back in time, and realized all this. Thanks guys.

[Jayson4all]

Man let her be, focus on urself now .. Dont contact her anymore and give her space, If she wants to get back to you am sure she knows how to contact you. Now is the time to work on urself, and u dont have to start proving anything to anybody.. Remember the most important thing is if u change , u are doing for urself and not for anyone else. Goodluck.

[Thebawse]

I absolutely understand how you feel. All i can say is try to let go for now. My gf broke up with me for very similar reasons so i can say i know how you feel and what your going through. Me and my gf were together for 3 and a half years and it ended 2 months ago.

 

For now theres nothing you can do to bring her back. everything and i do mean it, will have a pushing effect. she will most likely ignore it and view it as harass and stalking because in her mind she BELIEVES she has already made it very clear to you that it is over. and that her friends have backed her up and made her realise it was the right choice.

 

im so sorry because i really can relate as this is probably the worst you have ever felt as it was and still is to me (lessens after time). just dont do anything to further lose her respect or become scared of you.

 

"you cant change where you are overnight, but you can change where you are headed" and sometimes it takes a crisis for one to realise. I know its hard to take in, but the behaviours you described are to some extent characterisations of immaturity and insecurity. i have been there, done that, and learned it the hard way. You know your ex gf and what kind of person she is. she would not do anything to betray you. In the concert scenario you described you should have just called and said a great time, can u call when u get home, love you." anything else would come off as controling and not trusting her, in her mind. I have learnt that from my last relationship

 

For the time being, do nothing. there is nothing you can do that will really change her decision for the time being. Whether anything happens in the future or if she comes back within the short term is all up to her.

 

Best thing you can do is to respect her decision. I cant emphasize dont push enough, meaning dont do anything. You want her to still respect you and not to have any other negative thoughts of you that would arise from pushing. Im speaking from experience as my situation is very similar to yours.

 

im typing from my mobile so post im sure is disorganised. if you want to talk feel free to pm.

 

i know your a good guy and deep down you love her so so much. but for now, really do no contact. if u want to talk, make a post or pm.

 

times are hard mate i know. i really know. im only 2 months out of.BU

[metal921]

Mr Bawse I gotta PM you. How do I do this?

[Thebawse]

just click on my profile mate

[metal921]

I cant find the PM link man. I really really need to talk to someone

[Capricorn3]

You need a lot more posts for PM's to be activated.

[Thebawse]

I dont think I have enough posts to PM yet metal921.. Just post your thoughts here for now - Anything you want to do or want to say. Ill try reply as often and as soon as possible.

[metal921]

So Imma add on to this developing story. As you both have told me, it is best to give her time. I finally saw that today. I called her today sobbing telling her I did not know how to deal with this and sadly she didnt care, she said she wouldnt take my **** anymore because I was mean to her and I get it. It seemed now as she didnt care at all. So basically my final plan of action is to really leave her alone but I will go out with a bang. I know you guys are probably thinking, "Damn this guy is nuts!" but I dont care. On her birthday (14th of this next month) I will give her a ring that she lost once and cried for it. I will give her the exact same ring and I know there are many possible outcomes and I know that they might backfire on me but I really dont care, because as of this moment I am starting the healing process and by giving her this ring, I will have that piece of mind that I did everything possible for her to see a change. The outcomes are either she appreciates it and doesnt take it, or takes it and never talks to me. TO me either possiblity is welcomed, because I honestly am 100 percent sure that after this plan I will feel so much better with any result. I am not doing this for her I am doing this ring thing for me and my piece of mind. Now its really up to her to decide what she wants to do. Even if I manage to succeed and she wants to come back I WILL NOT take her back because I need alot of time to heal over this! I decided this is the way to go and I need to fall to get back up!

[MasterPo]

Hmmm. It appears that it didn't go your way and now you are lashing out. I understand that, its part of the process. I wish you luck and when you calm down ENA will still be here. Parting advice - leave her alone, it will not go good for you. Good luck.

[metal921]

Like I said, I already know the bad and good outcomes of this. If she wants to get back I wont do it. I cannot do it no matter what. It wont be the same after this whole thing. But I feel like I need to do this. After I do this I am done. Completely. Time to continue the healing process. This is for me and my piece of mind.

[Capricorn3]

I called her today sobbing

 

she said she wouldnt take my **** anymore because I was mean to her and I get it.

 

I know you guys are probably thinking, "Damn this guy is nuts!" but I dont care.

It actually seems you DON'T get it at all. You are showing us a good example of WHY she would not want to ever go back to you. If this is the way you behaved in your relationship with her, then I can understand why she says she won't put up with it anymore. And Don't think that by giving her a ring she'll want you back. She won't. You show a very manipulative and controlling side with a touch of paranoia.

 

My best suggestion would be to seriously think about getting some professional counselling to help you overcome your many issues.