Envy788 Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Hello everyone. I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 4 years now. I'm getting very unhappy and confused with our relationship. We started as friends with benefits, I saw him at least once a week. I didn't tell my family that I was seeing him due to the fact that he wasn't a 'boyfriend' at the time. Eventually we started seeing each other more and I met his mom. My boyfriend at the time didn't want a relationship at all. I feel like I kinda forced it on him for a few months until he finally said yes. I was just very lonely and upset trying to recover from an ex-boyfriend so I was very vulnerable to be with my current boyfriend and not looking at the negative side of him. He is 22 years old. He currently doesn't have a job. (Got laid off) its a seasonal job so he collects unemployment for 6 months. He got a car but no license. I'm at work all day and come home to him not doing anything. He just wants to smoke weed all day. (His parents are alcoholics and they are ALWAYS fighting and the weed helps him calm his never ending angry problem). We live together at his parents house so I have to deal with whatever goes on here. I got pregnant in 2011. He didn't want the baby and begged me to get an abortion. ( someone that says he loves me and tells me to get an abortion and kill our child we made together really hurt me emotionally) I decided to keep the baby regardless of what he thought. He was very angry and negative with me for a long time (he is AlWAYS negative and angry, that is the way he is). his mom was soo happy and excited to have a grandson. My family was "devastated". (They hate my boyfriend) But eventually it all worked out. When I was 6 months pregnant I lost my son due to infection and had a premature baby and he didn't survive. My boyfriend came to the hospital for only 4 hours and left me ( his excuse was I don't want to see my child dead and your family was making me uncomfortable ) oh and that he will miss the bus because he didn't have a car at the time. So my mom held my hand was there for me through everything. After I got out of the hospital my boyfriend pressured me to go to his house to 'take care of me' and got pissed off because I chose to stay at my moms house. (he made me cry more) He kept saying i betrayed him because he was there for me while I was pregnant and my mom was just not supporting and saying nasty things to me at first when I told her I was pregnant. She is my mother and she says things that are out of hand when she is angry but I forgive her. But he doesn't see it that way. I ended up going to live with my boyfriend after that. I regret it, he wasn't supportive and didn't help me grieve. He would always say stop crying and get over it. I lost him in April so from there on he has been just horrible to me. I'm a caring, loving, shy person by nature and he is angry and negative. But he can be sweet and loving to me, and Make me laugh and smile. After giving everyone a small background of my situation (that's not even half of it) when my boyfriend didn't have a car I would take a taxi to his house. I ended up meeting a guy that has the same interests as me and we exchanged emails. We eventually gave each other our phone numbers. We talked a lot and went to eat once but after that I just stopped talking to him and he ended up getting a girlfriend. A few months later he sent me a message in an online game that we play and said he had a lot of girlfriend problems and she deleted my phone number. She was a really jealous person and ended up cheating on him. Since then we kept talking and now we are getting more close. He lives in the town where I grew up. He is older then me, knows what he wants in life. Smart, funny, has a permanent job and business that his uncle will sell him in a few years and just has his act together. He is everything I want and need in a relationship. I ended up seeing him a few days again and we hung out all night (no sexual stuff happened). I have been stressing for awhile on what to do. Stay with my current boyfriend or leave him to be with someone that will take care of me instead of me always taking care of the him? (Not even trying to get another job, and complains he never has money) I'm so confused and scared. I love my boyfriend and scared to let him go. I worry about what he will do without me and where he will end up. But I need to be happy and shouldn't sacrifice my happiness for anyone else but I just don't know. I'm scared of change and being with my boyfriend and living with him is like daily thing in my life and scared to change it. I could use all the advice possible. Thank you for reading my long story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleL_RN Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Envy, I think you already know what you should do. Your current boyfriend is doing absolutely nothing for your happiness and well-being. I see you mentioned that he can be sweet and loving, but all of his actions say the complete opposite. You're still so young and I can only imagine how devastating it is to have lost your child. Still, you have no ties to your boyfriend, other than the perceived seriousness you're placing on how long you've been together. You cannot worry about what he'll do without you, when you're the one suffering. As for the other guy, I would not rush into anything. It is fine if you want to spend time getting to know him for now, but I wouldn't jump so quickly into another relationship and have your high expectations shattered. I think you need to allow yourself time to heal and lean on your family for emotional support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 I can tell you where your bf will end up after you leave him... exactly where he is now. Living with his parents, not looking for work, and being an angry, unsupportive person. I think it's kind of normal in a relationship to sometimes feel attraction to someone else - but when that happens, you have to look at why that is happening. It's always the result of something missing in your own relationship. Sometimes that "thing" can be fixed... sometimes it can't. In this case, I say "can't". You are looking for a partner. Someone who is mutually supportive. Someone with a little bit of ambition. Someone you can build a solid, fulfilling life with. In your bf's current state, he's not that guy. You know that. And I don't think that is going to change anytime soon. I agree with littleL_RN. You should breakup with your bf - but not jump into another relationship right away. Take the time to grieve. Take the time to be good to yourself and love yourself. Get to know this guy a little if you want - but a 4 year relationship is long enough that you really need to re-establish who you are as a single person. ... but yeah. I agree that your current relationship needs leaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Four years in and you say you are "recovering" from a previous ex? Girl, you are on of those girls who cannot seem to function without a man. You need to cut off the bf and cut off the new guy. Stop thinking of him as a Knight. He's got a girlfriend and he's not showing any integrity. I am very sorry for the loss of your baby. I think you need to get out of that situation. Move home for a while and then get out on your own. Stop looking for men to "be what you need" and be that for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Envy788 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Ms Darcy, I can't help but say that your post was coming off as very rude. I've only had 2 boyfriends in my life and both were "serious" relationships. With my previous Ex it was my first real break up and not sure how to deal with it for months, then I met my current boyfriend. I'm not thinking of this new guy as coming off as a "Knight" he just happens to be a nice guy that I like. He doesn't have a girlfriend anymore this is why we ended up talking more than usual. I wasn't planning on jumping into another relationship right away with him, or maybe not at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 He is older then me, knows what he wants in life. Smart, funny, has a permanent job and business that his uncle will sell him in a few years and just has his act together. He is everything I want and need in a relationship. I ended up seeing him a few days again and we hung out all night (no sexual stuff happened). I have been stressing for awhile on what to do. Stay with my current boyfriend or leave him to be with someone that will take care of me instead of me always taking care of the him? (Not even trying to get another job, and complains he never has money) I'm so confused and scared. I think you need to be accountable for what you are doing. You are in a relationship with someone and hanging out with someone else. You said yourself the new guy is "everything you want and need in a relationship" and you asked if you should "leave him to be with someone that will take care of me instead of me always take care of him." These are your own words. If your bf knew you were hanging out with this guy, would he be ok with it? Obviously not. If it's not emotional cheating, it is certainly betrayal of your relationship. I would suggest leaving your partner and going back home. Again, you yourself asked if you should leave him for someone else to take care of you. That's not a healthy thing to do. Be single and take care of yourself. Thank goodness for the quote feature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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