NC Advice!! not sure what to do!

[skiiVT]

So I started NC with my ex girlfriend on sept. 13th and my friends girlfriend is having a surprise BDAY party for him on October 13th. I dont plan on contacting my ex between now and then, but I am a little worried about seeing her at the party. Is it a bad Idea to go? we are both mutual friends and prior to the 13th we have seen each other 3 times because of this. I dont plan on talking to her much at the party except for "hi hows it going" and even still I might not be willing to do much more than that. I'm just worried that talking to/seeing her will mess up the whole NC deal.

[Keykey]

Dont go to the party, wish your friend happy b;day, think he understand.

[Gordita]

How have you felt the other 3 times you have seen her?

 

It seems like you want to go, so try to prepare yourself emotionally. Avoid her as much as you can and focus on your friend's birthday. Try to have fun, and if you think this will set u back, then do not do it.

[Kromon]

Go with a date. That'll get her attention.

[skiiVT]

Honestly I think at this point and most definitely by then I should be able to handle it. She is making it really easy for me to move on because she was getting progressively colder towards me every time i saw her would bring up stuff about guys asking for her number and stuff. Why should i waste my time stressing and pining over her if she isn't doing the same?? If anything it will be good for her to actually see that im doing better without her I think. I will play it by ear and see how I feel closer to the 13th.

 

The first time I saw her it went well the second time was not so great, and the third time was worse. However this was probably 2 or 3 weeks ago and im getting to the point where if she doesnt seem to care about me then what am I doing worrying about her.. SHE LEFT ME

[Streetbob]

So I started NC with my ex girlfriend on sept. 13th and my friends girlfriend is having a surprise BDAY party for him on October 13th. I dont plan on contacting my ex between now and then, but I am a little worried about seeing her at the party. Is it a bad Idea to go? we are both mutual friends and prior to the 13th we have seen each other 3 times because of this. I dont plan on talking to her much at the party except for "hi hows it going" and even still I might not be willing to do much more than that. I'm just worried that talking to/seeing her will mess up the whole NC deal.

 

I think that you must search inside to see how you will handle it.

Oct 13 doesn't seem like a long time and I guess that technically, it's not NC when you are in contact with the ex.

 

Personally I couldn't do it. I am 6 months in and still couldn't do it. Everybody's different I suppose.

 

I'm not sure what your aims are with NC (reconciliation or personal healing - or maybe both), but I think that you will be more noticeable by not being there if you know what I mean.

 

SB

[MasterPo]

Don't go. You aren't ready and it will end badly. Rationalizing your future behavior is a big indicator of the emo distance you still need to cover. However, have fun and ENA will be here 24/7.

[skiiVT]

I am using NC to move heal and I'm not sure if im going to get her back.. I dont think any of us are sure if were going to end up getting back with our Ex's. Its something that I think just happens over time. I do want to go really bad because all my friends are going to be there and I KNOW its going to be a blast. (some of my friends are talking about getting hotels because they are gonna rage so hard) I dont want to go to see her, but have fun with everyone else. I understand why its a bad idea to go because its really soon still (by then it will be 1 month NC and 2.5 months of the relationship being over total) so maybe I wont go.

[Shane Falco]

I probably wouldn't go if I were in your shoes. I had a similar situation recently -- had to hang out with the ex twice about six weeks after our break. For the first two weeks after the break I tried a few times to get a hold of her, only to have a get-together canceled and some unreturned calls or texts. So I went NC for a month, knowing I'd see her on a specific date. I honestly think knowing that we'd see each other at a specific time delayed the processing of the break for both of us. I talked to her over text in the days leading up to our meeting and it went well, though it was short. She even invited me to a sporting event (she sells season tickets for a professional team and was working at the stadium that day), but I had to decline.

 

Anyway, she was acting cold/distant/annoyed the first day, though she'd break character to laugh or smile at me then go back to the act once she realized I had seen her break character. The second day she was friendlier and almost normal. I was fine when we were hanging out, cool calm and collected, but seeing her again brought a lot of the anxiety back after the fact. She gave me some breadcrumbs (telling me that she's sure that she'll see me soon and tagged me in a funny picture on Facebook). So I decide to text her on her birthday last week and see if I could parlay that into maybe buying her a drink. She responded "hey thanks!" to my happy birthday text but completely ignored me when I asked how she'd be celebrating. I felt like I had gone back to where I was right after the break and it sucked. I haven't tried to contact her since (been five days) and now I'm thinking that I have to go no contact for real. I've done all I can to hide her facebook page without deleting her (her sister and brother-in-law are friends of mine, so it could cause some drama). But yeah, I think seeing each other too soon (we had to spend several hours together both days in a small group setting) set back my moving on process and her process of not being angry/frustrated by me.

[skiiVT]

I posted to my friends girlfriend that I wont be able to make it to the party.. I dont want to risk not being ready. HOWEVER. There is another massive rager that I have gone to EVERY year for the past 8 years that my other friend is having on Nov 3rd (oddly enough 3 months exactly after we broke up) and there is NOO way im gonna miss that. She will be there, but there is a lot of people going so hopefully I can keep myself distracted/away from her.