Engaged and dumped

[flagirlfox]

So I was engaged to who I believed was a wonderful man, but three months before our wedding he dumped me. I read all this advice to ignore him but I am not sure if that would work. We own a house together that I am not sure what I should do with. Do I continue living there since he has moved out? I guess our break up was technically my fault. After my last relationship I continued to be friends with my ex mind you I have no feelings for him and nothing went on. This is the explanation I got. Please give me advice. I love him and would like him back in my life.

 

I do realize that we are making this harder on each other. Look, I do Love you for the person that you are. Everything you have ever done in your life up until now is amazing. You have accomplished so much and I could not be prouder of you. Now I know that is something that of course is probably something you don't want to hear from me, but i think it is important. I never want you to give up on anything that you do. I would rather see you be one of the top people in anything that you do than at the bottom struggling to survive. When it comes to me and you though, I know that we were already starting to have our problems. It had a lot to do with me and not saying anything. I just felt that I could not talk to you because most of the time when i tried to confront you about certain situations, i felt it would just be blown up in my face. So i kind of just held it all inside like a weak miserable person would. Am i going to say that a lot of stuff you did with Eddie didn't bother me, NO, because it really did. Who knows maybe i really only touched the surface of the situation between you too, but that is OK. I didn't want to get in any deeper because i got so tired of seeing it. It was bad and it hurt a lot to see that even after I talked to you about it, and told you how bad it hurt you still wanted to do it anyways. Like you turned it into some kind of game of cat and mouse, waiting to get caught or something. Is that wrong of me to say, YEA, but that is what it felt like. Look it is okay, I know you are going to tell me that nothing really mattered when it came to him and yea that is great but it still happened. I just want you to know that where I am now in my life is going okay for me now. Yea it sucks being back at home but it is okay. I needed to get back with my family for a while since I haven't been around them that much. This is a process, and I know it sucks, and I know that what we had was great. I just got side tracked and lost in the process of where we were at. I couldn't even recognize the people in the mirror anymore. We never talked, we never showed love to one another. Not asking you to be on me 24/7 but for us to just acknowledge that we are in the same room together. Now with this whole thing about you going to church and all, that is great. I Believe in the Lord as well and I have already talked to him. Really the only thing I have asked of him though is to give you strength. To Take pain away. To push you in the right direction and help you get back on your feet. Love doesn't come easy. What you have shown me in the past years that we have been together is that we need to live life and enjoy the person we are with more and to Listen when people are going through hard times. Without honesty and trust there is no relationship. It is miserable without it and that is why a lot of people go through divorce and hell because of that.

 

Bottom line is this, XXXX, Right now in my life I need to find me again. Whether that be that I just work and do baseball than that is what I am going to do. Who knows maybe I can get back into school and finish my masters. I don't know. Just working on making a better life. I know that you are really trying hard to be back with me and Love again but as of this moment I am not in that place. Maybe not now, maybe not next month, or year or whatever. Could be at all. I Don't know. I really am not trying to hurt you XXXX, I really am not. I want to see you grow and be a better person from this whole mess that we created. Believe me it hurts just the same on my side but I'm thinking now on what is better for us and that is to try and remember who we are and not what we had become. Like you said only time will tell. Sure not what you want to hear but that is how I feel. Time heals all!

 

NAME

 

I'm trying to be civil about this... I'm not angry, mad, or anything that you said earlier. We can talk... we are adults... please! I told you I would help with whatever you need... house, furniture, etc. Whatever it takes to make the process easier.

[DN]

Sorry to say but he does seem very clear that he has made an irrevocable decision. I think you should accept it, heal as soon as you can and move on.

[flagirlfox]

So because I love him I told him I love you so much so I am gonna let you go I want you to be happy.... we split our stuff since we own a house at the end we hugged tightly and kissed I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me too... he is my soul mate the love of my life but I realized if it is meant to be we will be together in the future now the hard part starts

[clueless11]

The letter made me tear up a bit.

But, good for you. That is such a fabulous way of thinking about it. If he is worth it, he will come back in time. If he really i your soul mate, he will come back, you know? You have control over you right now, and thats it. Make yourself happy first. Maybe this just really wasn't the right time. Either way, try as hard as you can to stay positive. Good luck!

[flagirlfox]

Been a month now I am still so heart broken I try and do things but everything reminds me of us and what we had I really don't know how to make things better I really miss him. This week he finally went to the house we shared together and took all his stuff. The house looks so sad without him I can't live there I can't sell it , and the rental process is not going well. I want us to give each other another chance but beside telling him not sure how else to have him see it?

[unhappy2000]

Give it more time, my ex said similar things to what he said in the end of the letter you posted and it's been 5 months and still no contact.