Is NC really the way to go?

[butterfly6850]

I have never been more confused in my life.. I was in a relationship with my first love for nearly 2 years, we split up in July due to some of my insecurities & petty fights. He broke up with me and said to give him time but I couldn't. I was freaking out and trying to hang on to him.

 

He still talk to me everyday and he said that he thought we just needed some time apart, I was jealous and made accusations about him being with someone new. In August, he was in a relationship with someone new. When I heard the news, I was hysterical and I just couldn't understand any of it. Before we had those stupid petty fights, we were amazing together.

 

After I found out about his girlfriend and confronted him about it, I went NC for nearly a week and he continuously called and texted me. Finally, I reached out to see what he wanted and he invited me to his house to talk about things. I went to his house and we were so happy to see each other that we couldn't even talk about what had happened, we just had a great time together.

 

 

That next morning, he asked me if I was going to continue partying and seeing other guys, whom he knew only wanted one thing from me. I said, "yes, I will continue to party." I only said that because he still hadn't broken up with his girlfriend, even after the great time we had together. I left his house and he tried to stop me but I kept going. After that, I told him to never speak to me again. A week later, after he had left message after message, he said he finally realized that he made a mistake, he kept saying "she could never be you, I love you and I want you back but I just don't know what to do now that I know you've been partying, he has a real issue with party's because every other girlfriend he had, cheated on him at party's.

 

One thing I do know is that he does love me. I have heard from so many people, "he's just keeping you for a back-up, your in denial about it, move on, he doesn't care for you." That's all BS, I know this guy better than anyone and we had an amazing relationship together. He done anything/everything for me and to this day, he still would. I will be the first one to admit, he has done me wrong & it does hurt and in all honesty, I can see why people think its best for me to move on but I love him and I'm not ready to give up. In my heart, I still feel like he is the one for me. He has said the same to me, that he still believes we will get married someday.

 

Believe it or not, I have told him several times that I don't need or want him in my life and that I want to move forward without him. It's not the truth but I tell him that so he maybe he will stop contacting me but he never seems to give up.

 

They have already broken up 3 or 4 times and I know for a fact, she cannot let him go. I even messaged this girl & told her that he & I had been seeing each other and she didn't respond to me or even ask him about it. I believe the only reason he is still with her is because she lets him do anything that he wants and doesn't say a word. She's a doormat. That's definitely not me.

 

He told me this past Friday, he had a plan. He is going to leave her but he said he wanted to do it his way and on his own terms because he was already going crazy without me. I have been threatening him, that I will go out with other guys and I will drink, which he says is pushing him away. He said he is coming back but I have to stop threatening him. We have had a few arguments this weekend because when he doesn't talk to me constantly or isn't blowing me up, I assume he's with her and I start a fight. He has tried to make it clear that he works 6 days a week and on Sunday, he is with friends. He may see her one night a week. I started back to NC yesterday, I'm going to see what this does. He has already tried to contact me twice since last night. I'm doing okay, I just want do what is best for him and maybe a future us? I'm just not sure if ignoring him is the way to go?

 

If anyone can relate or see any good coming of this. Please comment back if not, I don't need any negativity.

[FrenchFries]

So...what you're saying is he wants you to sit idly by and save yourself for him while he cuddles up with his new gf and hangs out with the fellas until he decides that he's had enough of it. Does that seem right to you?

 

At the very least, tell him you're done talking to him until he's ready to put his plan into motion breaks up with his gf "on his own terms" (ridiculous!). Hopefully by the time he's done playing around you won't want him anymore. This is not love. You deserve better than that.

[butterfly6850]

Friday night, he broke down and told me that the reason he is with someone else is because she actually trusts him when he talks to other girls and I never did. He said he got tired of fighting all the time just because of my insecurities and that I needed to grow up, if I want him back. He told me that he did love me, I did make him happy and he still wants to be my last but now is not the time because to much has happened in our lives, I told him that I was done talking to him. Just because, I feel like instead of working on myself or trying to heal or trying to work on what was wrong with our relationship, I've been trying to get back at him when he didn't come back to me.

 

I haven't said a word to him since Friday night. He has called me several times and texted me, he said he was worried about me because he hadnt heard from me and to please let him know how I am ASAP. I still love him, I want to talk to him more than anything but at this point, my silence seems to be saying more than I ever have.