Shifts in Sexuality

[Rhododendrons]

Hey, peeps. =)

 

I was wondering if anyone could relate to what I'm going through.

 

I remember as a teen being exclusively attracted to men, even being in love with a friend of mine. Back then women did not do anything for me at all. At the age of 17 I found that my sexuality had changed a little. I wasn't quite as attracted to men, although I wasn't really attracted to women either, it was just something that's difficult to describe. I did however continue to fancy some of the men around me with all the usual tropes I had experienced before the change.

 

This Summer I encountered a guy in a club and we exchanged phone numbers. Over the course of the next month we texted a lot, however I found that I wasn't really into him and beat myself up a lot about it. I have since found that my attraction towards men has faded and is being replaced with an attratction towards women, although I have yet to experience any major crush on any individuals. I think that maybe meeting this guy somehow triggered it, as I remember only a few months before I'd experience intense attractions towards men, I recall vividly seeing a man come into the place I work and feeling a fire like I have never done having seen someone for the first time.

 

I am worried that I'll never have what I once had again. It might not sound like a big deal at all but being gay was one of the few things I ever really liked about myself, and now it seems to have gone... I really, really hope it comes back some day, but I doubt it ever will. I can honestly say that whatever happened during that Summer when I was 17 has ruined my life and I'd give anything to go back to just being gay.

 

I guess it sounds like a petty whine, really. There are loads of people who are in the reverse situation who'd give anything to become straight. But to me it's important for some reason. I never got the chance to know what it was like to be with a man you loved, and I really wish I did.

 

Has anyone here any similar experiences? Thank you for reading.

[Roxie84]

It sounds like you are a normal, healthy bisexual male. Regarding the guy you exchanged phone numbers with, it seems you just weren't into him - the same thing could have happened with a female.

 

It seems like at this time you have a sexual attraction to both sexes, but you are more inclined to have romantic feelings for a female. This is something that may fluctuate in the future, or it may not.

 

Being bi can be a curse or a blessing, whichever way you want to look at it.

 

Enjoy life, enjoy sex, enjoy love, and be safe. When you meet someone you care for, you will have an easier time putting it into perspective (which sex you prefer).

[sb12]

I definitely understand your experience. Growing up, I thought I was straight. Then, as I started hitting my late teens, I thought about being open to the one off sexual experience with a woman, but never contemplated having an actual relationship with any because, like I said, I thought I was straight. Then, I met a lesbian when I was 19 at a party. Didn't think much of her the first time I saw her, certainly no attraction, and we just became friends. But, our friendship became something very different. Neither of us could explain why we so comfortable with each other and slowly attached ourselves to one another. I thought it was just a close friendship between a gay girl and a straight girl, but our friends would tease us all the time about our "relationship". One of my male friends swore up and down that I liked her, but I didn't understand and I never agreed with him. Even her own brother has told us to get a room after meeting me just once, but we didn't do anything! We were just friends...

 

I turned 21 and well, you can guess how our relationship unfolded. Now, I'm at 22, she is my ex, and we're no longer friends. That being said, I've never felt an attraction so strongly towards another person, man or woman. I've still kept my attraction to men but it has considerably waned and even my attraction to women isn't all that strong. My sexuality is kind of neither here nor there.

 

Maybe you and I are similar in that it's not really about the sexuality nor the gender/sex -- it's the person who lights that fire in us, and unfortunately, finding that special person or those special persons isn't easy. I would love to have that fire ignite again, but I wouldn't even know where to look. Man? Woman? Genderqueer? Who knows. But, I think for you it's not about being gay, it's about finding that person who gives you butterflies. You're still very young, so don't give up hope and don't force the feelings just because it's a man. Your next love could be around the corner, and would you really turn it down because it was coming from a woman?

[kate150]

This is an interesting question! I totally understand what you are saying. I have never been attracted to a woman but I know that given the right circumstances and the right woman I would be able to have a relationship with one. I believe that love comes in many forms and that is doesn't matter if the love of your life is a man or a woman - just being loved is enough for me.

[lukeb]

I think you are confusing sexuality with sex. Sex drives can wax and wane over time, mild depression can have an effect, sexual tastes can change gradually over time. It does sound like you are essentially gay from what you described. Just because you are in a dry period as far as men are concerned doesn't make you any less gay that you were before. You don't go back and forth from being gay just because you are not dating anymore than straight people become less straight when they are not dating, or virgins or whatever. Being gay has far less to do with sex than you realize.

[Rhododendrons]

Thank you for the fast replies! I have been identifying as bisexual for years internally and for about a year to my friends. I guess I just miss the fire right now. I miss the intense attraction I got with men, even if it was almost always a recipe for heartbreak. =P

 

I just find bisexuality very confusing right now! For example, I have said that I'm swinging towards women but when I've been drunk in clubs I've only really had eyes for men. However, I'm a pretty passive person (something I need to work on) so I never really make a move or anything, I just hope something happens. incidentally, something did a couple of weeks ago outside a gay club I was left with this guy after it closed for the night and I was hoping he'd show interest, even though my attraction to men isn't that strong right now, and he did! We went back to his briefly, but nothing happened as I needed to go home. =P I've got his number but I'm not really interested in a relationship right now, but I wouldn't mind seeing him.

 

I'm hoping that this illustrates my confusion well enough. Thanks for talking to me guys, it has helped me a little. It's interesting finding out other's experiences of bisexuality and I'd love to hear more as I imagine they're quite varied. Has people's sexuality changed a lot over the years? Do you find that you've developed attraction to both sexes equally, or was it always mutually exclusive? Again, thank you. =)

[lukeb]

I am trying to figure out where you are confused, I don't see any confusion. You're puzzled perhaps that you don't feel the intense attraction to men the way you did before. That is completely natural, the newness to coming out to "the world" was exciting, and the new interest that men showed in you was also new and exciting. You were on a natural high and that intensified your interest in them. It is all completely explainable. Things have settled down some. When things settle down you'll miss those times when you were riding those waves. Gay and straight people go through these things, it still doesn't make them any less gay or straight.

[Rhododendrons]

I think you are confusing sexuality with sex. Sex drives can wax and wane over time, mild depression can have an effect, sexual tastes can change gradually over time. It does sound like you are essentially gay from what you described. Just because you are in a dry period as far as men are concerned doesn't make you any less gay that you were before. You don't go back and forth from being gay just because you are not dating anymore than straight people become less straight when they are not dating, or virgins or whatever. Being gay has far less to do with sex than you realize.

 

My life up until recently has been one very long dry period, =P which hasn't bothered me massively. I don't wish to appear disrespectful but I don't think I've expressed myself well enough or maybe you've misunderstood. I've actually not dated any men in my life, however I used to experience such intense attractions to individuals and even the ordinary, everyday milder ones one does when, say, passing people in the street. Now it's leaning somewhat towards women, and my attraction to men has diminished.

 

And admittedly I have been suffering from depression recently to which this has been a contributing factor.

[lukeb]

It still mostly applies though, even if you haven't actually dated any men in your life. I hope your depression isn't a severe one and you can do the things you need to do to get back on track. I wish you well.

[Rhododendrons]

It still mostly applies though, even if you haven't actually dated any men in your life. I hope your depression isn't a severe one and you can do the things you need to do to get back on track. I wish you well.

 

Thank you. =) It's not too bad sometimes and I have seen someone who's given me techniques to deal with it. It is partly my fault and I hope to be free of it soon.

 

And thank you for trying to help me, I can see what you are saying and hope you are right. I'm sorry if you feel you wasted your words.