3yr relationship breakdown :-( is there hope?

[baroness]

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3yr Relationship breakdown

Thread 3yr Relationship breakdown

 

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baroness

*said 11:41 AM3yr Relationship breakdownHi all

 

I'm new to the forum. My name is Tim and I'm 33. I'm here due to the breakup (as most people are I guess) and have been lurking on these pages since it all unfolded trying to find some sense, hope and reason in my particular situation. I've really been struggling to come to terms with my feelings in the aftermath. I'm at the stage where people close to me have said all they can on the subject (bless them) and it's old news, but to me everything is so fresh.*

 

8 weeks or so ago, my almost 3yr relationship with my girlfriend imploded after a small 'argument' grew into a tornado.*

 

Let me give some background on our history. She is 7 years my junior and we met in work through a mutual colleague of the time.

 

We came together and clicked pretty well off the bat. At the time I had been single for 5 years and welcomed a beautiful young lady into my life. We shared a lot of similar interests and spent the next couple of years enjoying each other's company. We loved to canoe, walk and go to the cinema together especially. I really loved her company and got on with her family well.*

 

bit of background info - We broke up for 3 months in a similar situation just before Christmas last year, small disagreement that snowballed on the telephone. We maintained contact after the negative feelings subsided and we got back together last March with the mutual understanding of taking things slow...

 

...So we took things slowly, going out on dates and daytrips accross the country to various places. I thought things were building well. I was visiting her at home regularly and eating sunday lunch with her mother and gran (they all live together) weekly. We hadn't had intimate contact during this period even though we were kissing holding hands etc. I just thought, take it slow in agreement wish her personal wishes.*

 

Anyway, fast forward to 8 weeks ago where I had a camping trip planned with a couple of friends to test out my new hammock. She knew I was going camping a week in advance when I asked her if she was cool with it and she said yes. I double checked to make sure she was cool and again she said fine. Bearing in mind she had a week to herself to watch wimbledon and I didn't bat an eyelid for her wanting to stay in to watch the game.*

 

So she was happy for me to take off for the night camping...or so I thought. I was supposed to see her the following day to go watch the new batman film, which I was really looking forward to. When I got home from the woods the next day she text me to ask how camping went, I said great and what time shall I pick you up to go to the cinema. At this point she sort of went cold and said she was feeling tired from painting the house and wanted to just chill instead. I said no problem i've got a few things to sort out etc etc. Anyway, later that day I had a semi angry text from her saying she thinks i'm more of a couple with my mates than I am with her. Which is just rediculous as I really wanted to see her that day instead of attending to other things.*

 

So the argument went from there on text, back and forth and resulted in us speaking on the phone the following day. I could sense there was going to be an argument as I felt that the things she was upset with me for were petty and I knew I was going to react and bite. From there we basically ended up having a full on breakup over the phone conversation. I said a few things in anger that I deeply regret. I think we basically just told each other to get lost, it was dump or be dumped at this point. She hasn't got any friends aside from her immediate family and I feel terrible that I said to her 'go find some friends'. I am not a horrible person or abusive, and I feel utterly distraught that I let myself react in anger and say these things to her. I sometimes feel she's get's funny with me for having a small social life, I play in a band and small things like that. I think she thinks that because I do other things that they are more important to me than her which is just so wrong. She was my world.*

 

Right away, regret seeped in over what had happened.I regretted the things I had said and the way I behaved during the argument. It felt as if all my buttons had been pushed and I just let loose. The tongue is quicker than the brain in these situations and boy am I paying for it now. She also said a few nasty things to me and I think this is why I reacted so stupidly. I mean this is a girl I love dearly and would be happy to spend the rest of my life with and I hate myself for behaving this way.*

 

Anyway, I left it a few days and text her saying I dont think we should break up and apologised for my actions and part of the argument. She didn't reply. I left it another week and text her saying I hope she is well and doing ok. No reply. Came to bank holiday weekend and I text her saying look it's been a few weeks, lets go for a drive and a chat, nothing heavy. She replied straight away this time saying NO PLEASE STOP. I totally felt like some kind of stalker at this point. I was so upset. Anyway, a few weeks past and a female friend of mine advised me to send her a bunch of flowers and a card. I didn't think it was the best idea, but in the end I did just that. Bought her a lovely card and a bouquet of flowers and sent them to her home. The card wasn't a begging letter, just saying I am really sorry and how much I regret what happened and that I hope she accepts the flowers by way of apology.*

 

That night she text me saying that she had the flowers and that they were pretty but to leave her alone and basically move on and leave her be, she told me she was over us. Of course I was utterly distraught at this, but didn't disrespect her wishes. I just went quiet at this point and have tried to move on with my life.*

 

Last week, I saw the rota in work and I was staffed to go into the post office (where she works) everyday to collect the mail (I am a postman). So this would of been the first time seeing each other in 7 weeks. On the monday I walked in and we flicked our eyes at each other and looked away. I just got on with my job and got out of there. On the Tuesday, I gave her a little friendly smile and put my thumb up to her as a sort of make the peace gesture. She looked straight through me and totally didnt reciprocate. It felt like a dagger in my chest at this point but I didn't show it. I just held my head up and walked out of there. Wednesday, I walked in thinking she hates me etc and she came over and asked how I was, I said good how are you, she said good, I said i'm glad you're well and left. I was so happy that she spoke to me I was bouncing. I went in the next day and the same again, bit of light chit chat and I left. I think we were both a bit nervous around each other, she dropped the pen she was signing my collection sheet with and I sort of made a light joke of it. Anyway I was so happy that she spoke to me a couple of times, it got my hopes up. But since then I still haven't heard from her. I guess she felt bad about totally blanking me and which is why she interacted with me the following couple of days. I was hoping it was because she had calmed down a bit that it might be a good signal. But I can feel the depression slipping back in now that I haven't heard from her.*

 

I just wish there was something I could say or do. After almost 9 weeks, my feelings havn't changed. I don't resent her and I have forgiven her. I feel that sometimes there is no forgiveness in her, and that all of this is because she didn't really love me enough to ge

[Ariestlife]

Best thing you should have done was not feed into the arguments. Especially if she knew you would argue back. Me myself went 5 years of not arguing I walked away the came back and talked about it. After awhile I feel where your coming from because eventually you explode. At least she's talking to you. Keep talking as friends maybe as time passes she'll forget about the arguments and you can start a new relationship

[baroness]

Thanks a lot for replying! It's nice to have someone relate to my problem.

My trouble is, it will be a long while before our paths cross. If ever tbh. I wont see her in work anymore due to recent changes in my workplace.

I dont feel that I have the right to txt or call her, so im trying my best to stick to nc for now in the hope that she heals and realises a few things. Im not a bad guy and love her for who she is. But im just hoping now that she'll reach out to me if she cares a hoot.

It would of been our 3yr anniversary in just under 3 weeks, I wonder if she'll remember or care.

[baroness]

Wondering whether to break the radio silence. Its coming up to 3 months since we broke up

and almost two months since we last spoke over txt.

 

Im over the breakup and just getting on with things but of course I miss her loads and genuinely wonder how she is doing.

 

I will likely see her in work next Friday so perhaps I should just wait until then to see how she

is with me and if there's any friendly convo/interaction.

 

Anyone?