Is cybersex cheating before you're "official?" A complicated situation.

[lover118]

I've been dating a guy for about two months (I'm gay), and accidentally saw a message on his Facebook when I was using his iPad. It said "goodnight sexy" so I was curios and did some more reading, finding out some more:

 

He has exchanged nude pictures or webcammed with some guys and talked dirty to 5 or 6 (that I know of). I confronted him and he told me he was waiting for me to ask him to be his boyfriend and was afraid of getting attached to me because he is moving to Brazil in three months. Talking to other guys helped him distract himself from liking me too much.

 

I've known he's moving all along and have been exclusive with him, but we never had the talk about being exclusive. He said he knows what he did was wrong and feels terrible about it. He wants to be exclusive now, and I don't know what to think. Should I be mad he had cybersex or happy he chose me in the end?

 

He's one of the nicest guys I've met and I can tell he cares about me. He said wants to regain my trust with a second chance.

 

What would you do in my situation?

[abitbroken]

I don't think this is so much a case of people dating multiple people and then pairing off with one eventually when they decide to be exclusive and being upset the other person went on dates before the couple paired off. I think the bigger issue is when someone uses the excuse of "not getting too attached" to explain their behavior. If he was working hard to not be 'so attached' - what makes you think he would be faithful. You should want to be with someone who is really excited to be with you, and not trying to forget you while they are with you. If this guy is moving to another country, I would honestly forget about him because he he going to use distance as an excuse for cheating next time.

 

Also, cheating or no, do you really want to be with someone who thinks its totally okay, even if they were not seeing someone, to send nude photos of themselves accross the internet? If so, then ....just no.

[Keyman]

I agree with the once broken lady...

 

He used the excuse about not wanting to get too attached, but now he wants to be attached?

 

He had to wait for you to do the asking, so in the meanwhile cybersexed it up as much as he could. He doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. Are you sure he is actually interested in being exclusive or just backpedalling to cover himself?

 

He's moving to brazil anyway with all the new opportunities over there. If he returns things might be different... until then let him go and find someone that is into you and you alone.

[Miss Firecracker]

Cyber sex with random people is not acceptable to me even when you aren't committed.

[Moontiger]

Were you not happy with the responses you got in your last thread?

[Minx2012]

You did not declare exclusivity and he's moving to Brazil in 3 months. This is not really a serious, committed, long-term relationship but rather casual dating, in my opinion. In other words, although it may sting a bit that he has been talking to other people and exchanging nude pictures and webcam dates with them, I think you don't have a right to be really angry. You have to take on an understanding approach and so does he. Talk about it and see where you guys want to go...but frankly, if he's going to Brazil in 3 months, I highly doubt that it will lead to a serious, long-term relationship. Brazil is pretty amazing.

[DN]

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