Involved with Woman in failing marriage

[Anonymous001]

Hi,

 

About 1 year ago I reconnected with a woman I haven't seen in 7 years. When I first met her we were seeing each other for a few months. This time around, my intentions were to be just friends. She had told me she now has a baby and is in a marriage that isn't working out very well. We started communicating regularly and seeing each other for the first few months. She then separated with her husband and moved out of the house and out of the same city. Technically she is still married. We eventually became more than friends and had an intimate relationship (the first few months). Her husband found out about our relationship, but regardless still wants to be with her. He moved closer to where she lives (also for their son). Long story short, we are no longer intimate but still communicate and see each other (although we don't see each other as much). I've told her that my feelings for her are strong and I care about her, but the situation we're in is not good. She tells me that she also cares about me, but it's difficult for her to completely end her relationship with her husband because of their son and also because she feels guilty. At this point we both know that we have feelings for each other and talk about how we can only be friends for now. I know she cares for me but at the same time she struggles to make a decision and does not know what she wants. I can stay in touch with her, but I honestly can say that I don't see her just as a friend and it bothers me when she stays with her husband just for the weekends and comes back. Has anybody been through this situation before? (I don't know if I would call it a love triangle, but it is complicated) Any advice on what I should do and how I should look at this situation would be helpful. Thanks!

[Anonymous001]

p.s.

 

She has also been intimate with her husband recently. Is friendship even a good thing at this point when that bothers me?

[pl3asehelp]

You aren't and never will be friends - you've slept together. It's not complicated, it's really simple. You need to stay completely out of her life 100% until she gets divorced.

[Natasha24]

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants her husband to stick around for stability because she's comfortable with him. But she wants to keep seeing you too, because you're "new" and exciting.

 

I doubt friendship will work at this point. You want her, she still wants her husband. I don't suggest trying to remain friends (or anything more) until they are completely divorced. Yes, her husband will always be in the picture because of their child, but she's stringing you along while still being with him.

[nutbrownhare]

You are in the situation of being the "other man". To all intents and purposes, she's still married.

 

If you wouldn't contemplate a relationship with someone who's in a stable marriage, don't contemplate this one either. There's likely to be just as much fallout and hurt. Thinking you can be platonic friends, given the situation, is fantasy and denial of the facts. Extra-marital affairs are rarely straightforward and it's easy for those involved in them to think "Ah, but ours isn't like that..." until the inevitable happens. I get that this one isn't straightforward either, and at least you have the reassurance that you haven't knowingly colluded in someone else's cheating, but if she is seeing her husband regularly and is still being intimate with him there's no way in a million years that you're going to have an exclusive relationship with her.

 

I'd chalk this one up to experience and move on - pronto!

[Anonymous001]

I agree with everyone's advice so far, but it's easier said then done when I've developed these feelings for her. How should I go about ending it. Just immediately stop seeing her or talking to her without even letting her know? I don't wanna hurt her as well. Has anyone ever been in this situation as well? Thanks.

[eternalsunrise]

In my opinion you should stay far away from this woman. Immediately. Cold turkey. Turn your energy towards other people in your life, meet new people. You need to leave that woman in the dust. Or else you will waste precious years of your life you can't get back.

[eternalsunrise]

I agree with everyone's advice so far, but it's easier said then done when I've developed these feelings for her. How should I go about ending it. Just immediately stop seeing her or talking to her without even letting her know? I don't wanna hurt her as well. Has anyone ever been in this situation as well? Thanks.

 

You definitely do not owe her any explanation. You should disappear on her immediately. She's married!!!!