Trying to interpret motivation from message from ex-girlfriend.

[dodgerfan]

Wow, the female mind is a complicated place. My girlfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago. We were together over 3yrs, lived together and are both 30-ish. We have not been in contact in months and then I get this message last week:

 

[Hey. You might want to stop reading this now and I know it’s not fair but I just wanted to apologize for everything. Everything was my fault and I feel so awful for it. I feel bad for not believing in us enough, I feel bad for not sticking up for you, and I feel bad for letting myself be bullied by my parents. I know this doesn’t change anything but I have woken up the last few days crying because I miss you. I miss how much you made me laugh and how tender and sweet you were to me.

 

I hope you are well. I’m sorry I wrote this because I know that things cant change, but I thought it might make you feel better to know how sorry I am.]

 

So two days later I reply and tell her that its okay, i take some of the blame too, and that our relationship was just broken and maybe we can start a new one at some point, just a friendship of course, and I let her know that I miss her too. She replies:

 

[your forgiveness is a little hard to take. A friendship sounds nice, a little tricky, but I'd be willing to try. I miss everything about you.]

 

So a couple days later I invite her to go with me to see one of our mutual friend's new baby and she says she would like to see everybody but has plans already. Its been several more days now and I havent heard from her at all. To be honest, the last few months have been really hard, I miss her alot, and would love to see her, in any capacity. Of course I wouldnt tell her that. Any thoughts about what might be going on in her head? Im trying to understand what her motives were with that message.

[pl3asehelp]

It's blatantly obvious to me that she is taking responsibility for the breakup and regrets it, which leads obviously to the fact that she wishes you were still together. She doesn't want to be friends, she wants to get back together, but if friendship is all you will offer her, she will pretend to be your friend all the while hoping you'll get back together.

 

My advice would be to get back together with her if that's what you want, or just cut contact. You're not going to be friends - can't go backwards.

[Chalk]

This female brain says...I don't know her messages are mixed! I suppose you both know the reason why you broke up and whether you can get past them. Maybe seeing a friend together would have meant that your friends would ask her questions. On the positive it is obvious that she cares about your opinion and feels that she has treated you badly. I wish I could predict the future for you. Hope it goes well.

[dodgerfan]

What confuses me is that after this conversation, ive heard nothing from her. I thought maybe she was drunk when she sent the message but i didnt reply for two days and when i did she was saying the same things. She sounds enthusiastic about the friend thing, i invite her to something, but she declimes and isnt making any effort to make it happen. She broke up with me, and i invited her to something once. I guess the ball is back in her court. Im not going to set myself up for rejection again. So confusing, but I think i made it clear that i would like to see her again without putting myself out there. Shes going to have to spell it out for me if she wants to re-connect.

[markie6]

Her parents made her decision for her ? You got toasted ? She feels bad about all this and wil do nothing about it ?

[dodgerfan]

Yeah, thats why Im so confused. Shes so sorry, she misses me so much, but is not pursuing it at all, not even a friendship. I reached out once with the invitation I made, but she broke it off with me, so I feel like I should leave it to her to reach out this time. Maybe she changed her mind or something??

 

I think with her parents the situation was that she tells them everything. So if we had an argument, her mom knew all about it and I think even when the problem was worked out and we both let it go, her mom wouldnt. Regardless, her mom didnt like me, and I think her dad just went along with the mom. They were always trying to get her to leave me.

[markie6]

Well you can't fight a tag team on your own and I would suggest that this is definitely over all the time she isn't her own person. I have heard of lots of these sorts of stories , with different cultural attitudes and religions spoiling things , while I cannot be certain (of course ) it sounds like that.

 

You need to walk away.. and do your best to heal and put it all behind you. She might miss you , but she doesn't want you as much as you want her