Hoagy Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 I was browsing Plenty of Fish this afternoon and I thought some of the girls might benefit from a few observations of what not to do. Remember that is is only my opinion so feel free to ignore it. 1. If your only photo is a group one of you and all your friends, please make it clear which one is you. 2. Don't bother posting glamour photos of yourself on a beach in your bikini unless you actually live on a beach in your bikini. I'd rather see your normal look because that's what you'll be like most days. 3. Don't post photos of you with ex-boyfriends or any other man who might be mistaken for an ex-boyfriend. 4. I don't mind if you have a drink in your hand unless this is your only photo. I'm more likely to think you spend all your time in bars getting lashed. Remember, first impressions count! Especially online. 5. Smile - it makes all the difference. 6. Don't photograph yourself in a mirror for your profile picture. I've seen too many of these where the face is obscured by the camera or the flash. 7. Don't use text speak or unnecessary abbreviations and remember: good grammar saves lives. 8. Don't tell me that you've had 15 holidays in the last 18 months. It may sound glamorous and exciting but it makes me wonder how you manage to hold down a job. Seriously, one girl actually did this. She may have looked like a supermodel but she came accross as boastful and arrogant. 9. Don't tell me that all men are lying, cheating bastards. I'm sorry if this is your most recent experience but it doesn't exactly encourage me to say hello if you're going to tar us all with the same brush. 10. Don't tell me that you're only looking online as a desperate last resort before giving up. It makes me feel like I'm back at school and last to be picked for sides in rugby except for the fat asthmatic kid with only one leg. Hope this is helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Totally agree with you!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy3 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 This goes to men and women! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 4-7 makes you sound picky and judging friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoagy Posted September 24, 2012 Author Share Posted September 24, 2012 4-7 makes you sound picky and judging friend. Yeah, when I'm making a decision about the future Mrs Hoagy, I am going the pick and judge like everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Which is fair. The street goes both ways. My advice to guys on dating sites: don't write a laundry list of things you do or do not want in a posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 I think that because of the nature of online dating it is extremely easy to be overly critical. Just as in real life, I am looking to see if a find the girl attractive and then get a sense of personality. If I see some common ground then I talk to the girl. The extra analysis is time consuming and unnecessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 I would keep an eye on the following: - Pics that dont look the same, meaning all the pics literally dont match. Usually, its her worse pic that looks like her. - Cropping pics, you crop only your face, i will assume you are hiding your body, or covering the fact that your head is not proportioned to your body (i did meet someone like this, and no it wasnt abnormal, but it did make her look completely different from her pics in person). - using black and white or other colors in all your pics... this covers blemishes and makes your pics blurry and unclear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theanonymoose Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 A pretty obvious one, but it applies to both guys and girls on the sites - if their picture doesn't clearly show what they look like (ie. downward angle is the most common example I see of this), they may not be that attractive. Perhaps an unfair generalization, but I've found that if they are attractive, they'll have no problem putting up a clear photo. Also, the photos are going to be the best ones they can find. So don't be surprised if they don't look quite as good as they did in the photo. Sometimes there might be virtually no difference, but sometimes it will be enormous - as I found out about 4 years ago when I had a date with someone who had posted a 6 month old photo. A photo that just happened to be taken shortly before they injured their back and couldn't exercise for 6 months. A terrible date, for sure, but at least it gave me some good stand up material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coily Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 I'd add and addendum to #3, no pictures with children that are not your own. Nothing brings up more questions than the random kid in a "no children" profile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueEagle Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 11. Don't post really old pictures that do not resemble you today, and also make sure to use different angles in your pictures to represent yourself accurately. 12. Don't be so quick to dismiss or exclude someone because you just may miss out on a great person who really is a good catch and could be compatible with you. (Yes, these should apply to both genders) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 12. Don't be so quick to dismiss or exclude someone because you just may miss out on a great person who really is a good catch and could be compatible with you. For the sake of discussion, you would assume that people do this already. You would have to be more specific for me to understand what you mean here (e.g. give examples). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueEagle Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 For the sake of discussion, you would assume that people do this already. You would have to be more specific for me to understand what you mean here (e.g. give examples). I posit that online dating can create a sense of "the grass is always greener on the other side" that contributes to many people being unrealistic and too picky. It's much, much easier to reject, ignore, close out someone online than in "real life" because all it takes is a button pressed and they, or we, just await for more matches to (hopefully) fit our ideal person. Ad nauseam. An example might be, "I only want to date someone dark haired." If one of the matches has blond or red hair yet everything else is seemingly desirable then they still get rejected, closed, or ignored. Sure, that may be a preference and one is absolutely entitled to that taste or others, but I find it a bit self-defeating and going in with tunnel vision. I would think that just about everyone who uses online dating is looking for the same thing. Of course we all know what we're attracted to and what we ideally want, but just like in "real life" sometimes it doesn't always follow that pattern and we end up falling for people we may have never thought we would and subsequently have happy, loving relationships because we took a chance. All in all, I think online dating is both good and bad; that's why I advocate incorporating other methods of attempting to meet others instead of relying solely on online, if possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Agreed BlueEagle! That was kind of my point about the OP's list. Really, who cares if she has a drink in her hand in her photo?! Let's have some more realistic criteria so we don't pass up good people. But I never advocate online dating as the only way to look. That's how some people get stuck and don't learn how to talk to the opposite sex in real life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 13. No duckface. Seriously, putting your lips together like that...just no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfan Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 14. I understand that you feel compelled to write that you are a "happy person" and that you like spending time with friends as well as curling up with a book or watching television. After all, 95% of the profiles say this so you don't want to feel left out. But PLEASE, in addition to this, include some actual conversation topics that I can respond to in my message! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigaelle Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 This topic is hilarious. I like all the posts here. I remember when I used to be on a dating website, I used to ignore all those guys that seemed needy to me. So here is an advice for guys: Be a little bit original in your first message ( AND avoid hey, what's up, my name is X what's yours?,etc) Don't send thousands of messages if she isn't replying after a while. Just a note on a photo with a drink: whether it's a girl or a guy, I think it only shows that you're an outgoing person and you like to sometimes hang out in a bar. If all the pics were taken in a bar, well, that's a different story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angler Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 You're/your, there/their/they're, to/too. Any errors involving the above are an instant turn-off for me. If you're smart enough to use a computer, you're smart enough to know that you're = you are. Bad grammar indicates laziness or a lack of education, and neither is a desirable quality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nattpanter Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 My advice to girls on dating sites is this: Don`t sit and wait to be entertained, bring something to the table also. Like initiative for instance. When you have turned 30 your body is on a long sure downfall and you ain`t the model you used to be. So please adjust your ego accordingly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfan Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Also, there is no one on the internet with the name Prince Charming. Please stop writing in your subject lines that you are looking for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shorty389 Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Totally agree! I met my now boyfriend on pof, was about to give up on that site then saw. Message from him...glad I looked before deleting my profile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deejmonster Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Totally agree! I met my now boyfriend on pof, was about to give up on that site then saw. Message from him...glad I looked before deleting my profile interesting... may I ask (you can be as vague as you want) what personally popped out at you? Just trying to gather thoughts on why a lot of my messages get over looked and deleted... and they aren't the simple and dumb "hey whats up cutie?" type... Im very happy for you though. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wonderstruck Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 4-7 makes you sound picky and judging friend. You've explained why you think that #4 was too picky and judgmental - but what about #5 through 7? I don't agree that they're too picky/judgmental at all. 5. Smile - it makes all the difference. So you think that people should post pictures of themselves where they're blankly staring at the camera, frowning, pouting, or just look really serious? Blech. This would be a huge turn-off for me too. 6. Don't photograph yourself in a mirror for your profile picture. I've seen too many of these where the face is obscured by the camera or the flash. 14-year-olds on facebook take pictures like this. It looks ridiculous, immature and silly, and it's never flattering. 7. Don't use text speak or unnecessary abbreviations and remember: good grammar saves lives. I really can't believe that you think that he was being too picky or judgmental with this one. Bad spelling and poor grammar are a HUGE turn-off and speak volumes about the person. Just wondering what your thoughts are on these, and why you think that they're too nit-picky as criteria? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost in Thought Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Girls, if a guy much more attractive than you messages you, most likely his only agenda is to sleep with you. He will feign interest and then once he sleeps with you, most likely he won't be calling you back. Or will only want a friends with benefits relationship. For instance if you are only a 5 or 6, yet a handsome guy who's like an 8 or 9 wants to hook up with you, more than likely it's only a sexual thing. If you are fine with that accept it and enjoy. Just don't delude yourself into thinking guys of that caliber are interested in you for a serious relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Mac Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Message for girls, Although I don't use online dating anymore.. If we guys manage to meet up with you for our first date, don't expect fireworks, chemistry, and an instant spark to just evolve from the first 5 mins of speaking/throughout the first date. Fair enough if we aren't attractive enough and you don't feel another date would change how you feel then so be it, (But maybe getting back to reality and realising that maybe the guy has a lot more to offer than what he displayed during the first date, then proceeding to a 2nd date could help you decide if hes to be nexted. Don't give the oh sorry, ''You're a nice guy but i'm not sure we share enough in common'', crap (even when we blatantly do share common hobbies etc) Just be up front I don't feel it, Sorry you're just not my type. As for online dating tips, the only things that can annoy me, are girls who are on there for the attention and have no interest in meeting up with you, I could sniff them out early on anyway. Girls living the dream/fairy tale of only allowing guys being a 9/10 in looks and personality and anything below is to be excluded. Girls who have old photos and have turned into a fatty/aged badly but fail to admit to it either just before you meet or when you actually meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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