Depressed Gf

[spd19]

Hey guys, I've been visiting this forum for 2 months and it helped me a lot.

 

I need some help. I've been with my gf for 6 years, the last year my gf has been suffering from depression. She got closer to me and couldn't be without me. We are both in our 20's.

 

3 months ago we started fighting a bit and she asked me for space because it was to much pressure. She started going to therapy but stopped after less then a month. we met yesterday and she told me she loves me and want to be with me, but she feels to much pressure with me, that she needs to talk to me always and lately she wants to be alone. She tells me nothing makes her happy anymore and has all the depression signs.

 

I told her yesterday I'm not going to bring our relationship anymore. but I won't give up on her (she asked me not to give up on her about a month ago) she told me she gave up on trying to feel better, she thinks she cant get better.

 

I don't know what to do? should i be there to support her? or should I give her time? and how can I help her with the depression.

[mrinsurance823]

I don't think there is anything you can do with situations like this. My fiance battles depression and its always a lose lose situation. We had a split earlier this year due to it and I honestly just had to leave her alone for awhile because no matter what I did she took everything out on me. If she has told you nothing makes her happy and she can't get better there is absolutely nothing you can do personally to fix this situation. She needs professional help (counseling, medication, etc...). She has to want to get better and to be in a better mental state. You can't force her to do it or she will become resentful.

 

If you are going to stick around and try to make things work just be prepared. It is going to be a rollercoaster. If she gets treatment it will get better, but there is a chance the depression will show its self again at some point in time. It will most likely be something you two will have to deal with throughout your whole relationship. You have to ask yourself are you prepared to deal with this for the rest of your life?!!

[vix8]

I find that counselling can be very awkward. Perhaps that is why she stopped going. I find what helps me, is a lot of reading. Readings from the web, and books on psychology such as depression. A book I really liked was called The Secret, if your girlfriend isn't a complete skeptic, it might give her hope, it gave me hope. But yeah just lots of readings if you can get her to do that. But you can't force her, she has to want to get better. She has to know why she is depressed too, there's a reason. Really there is nothing you can do, except give her the space she needs.

[spd19]

Thank you both for the reply. I decided to give her space. She knows I am here if she needs to talk or someone. But 3 months is a long time and she doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. I have been trying to move on, but it has been hard.

 

I still think about her every moment and miss her a lot

[Mariana345]

I have problems with depresion since high school I think but just recently went to counselling (right after the break up) and it is the only thing that is helping me. I am on medication (after the first month of counselling) and is really helping. I mean, I went from crying, not eating, not feeling joy with ANYTHING to make plans, enjoy friends and do things by myself, eating properly, wishing a future and working for it.

 

But I have to say that I had to find the right doctor. The first one didn't like him... I just talked and talked and he asked a little and that was all... I was feeling like nothing was going on. But then I find my current doctor, she is soooo great!!! she listen, but also ask, recommend, give me advice and explain me things (and also has this cute dogs that I love so I feel like with a great friend or at home with her ) So maybe she needs to find someone with whom she can feel safe for the therapy to work (and maybe some medication).

 

But yes, the only thing you can do is be there if she needs you (if you can, of course, you must find happiness as well) or give her space if she needs it... Good luck, this kind of thing is really dificult for the live style we have now... (I will also recommend to do a little study about Buddhist philosophy, it reaaaaally help, I think both of you )