Mom found something she shouldn't have....

[sirensoul]

Okay so...a few days ago, I was contemplating suicide which was just stupid and silly...In the heat of the moment I got every item I wouldn't want my mom to find and threw them in the garbage (the one's outside of course.) I knew I should have waited until Tuesday night to throw them away being that the garbage gets picked on Wednesday. Ugh anyway. One of the items included my freaking vibrator. So the other day, my mom lost her car keys. They're seriously just gone. She's been searching EVERYWHERE for them. She seriously searched the garbage cans. Why? I don't know. She just came up to me and told me that she found a full bottle of hairspray in the garbage I took out the other day. So obviously she wants me to know that she found the vibrator too. That's ****ed up. If I found someone's vibrator, I wouldn't make it obvious that I did. That's so rude and unnecessary. The thing is, I'm seventeen, senior in highschool. I'm a virgin and my mom knows that. Now that she found my ****ing vibrator, I'm terrified that she thinks I'm actually sexually active. I'm mortified. I can't believe this is happening. I don't know how to go about this. Yeah, I could just ignore it and pretend it didn't happen but she obviously wants me to know she found it. What should I do...or say... Ugh.

[Blue92]

That sucks but it could be worse... At least she didn't go crazy about it and there are worse items for moms to find... like morning after pills lol.

[RedDress]

I don't think you should do or say anything. There's nothing wrong with having a vibrator. That's something she has to get over - not you. Yeah... I can see how that would be totally embarrassing... but the embarrassment will fade in time. I would say and do nothing. This too shall pass...

[blueidealist24]

It could have gone way worse, like her yelling at you or lecturing you about sex. I wouldn't bring it up again. If she asks you about sex, tell her you're not sexually active and when you do have sex you'll make sure you do it responsibly (the Pill, etc.).

[catcountry]

I agree with the above....not a big deal. At least she found it in the trash and not in your bed side table. Just let it go like nothing.

[kate150]

I agree that its not a big deal. However, it seems to me that you mom is just giving you an opening and letting you know that she is there if you have anything you want to talk about. Maybe this is a good time to talk to her about how you were feeling when you threw all that stuff away.

[luminousone]

Ahh, I wouldn't worry about it. Hopefully she didn't find it, but at least it was in the garbage.

 

But I sincerely hope you talk with her about going to a counselor about those depressive and suicidal feelings. A counselor can teach you some skills to deal with them next time they come around, if they do. This is a great time to do that, if you are feeling better!

[drummergirl]

I think the bigger issue is that now you need a new vibrator.

[upsndowns]

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about the vibrator. So what if she thinks you're sexually active? As long as she doesn't ground you, it doesn't need to be a big deal.

 

I'm more concerned about the contemplating suicide part. As someone who has been through a *lot* of suicidal thoughts and two hospitalizations, I can assure you that without help, it only gets worse. If you like, you can private message me and I'll be more than happy to research some prevention hotlines that serve your area.

 

Something that really helped me feel safe was to have a prevention plan. You come up with steps that can help you feel safer, or at least less likely to commit suicide, and then place those ideas in escalating order. For example, a couple of things that made me feel less likely to commit suicide were going to a public place (I'm not going to do it in public), going to the hospital, calling some of my "safety people", calling a prevention hotline, and drinking tea. So, to put those in escalating order, if I were feeling suicidal, I would drink some tea to calm down. If that didn't work, I would go to a public place where I could stay for a long time, like a cafe or a bookstore. If I didn't feel safer after that, I would call some of my safety people. If they didn't pick up, I would call a prevention hotline, and if that didn't work, I would have to check myself in to the hospital if things continued for too long.

 

If no one knows what is going on, that needs to change NOW. It sounds awful to tell people about it, and honestly, it sucks more than anything in the world. But you MUST do it. This isn't one of those "everybody is different so follow your heart" things. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open, but someone in real life who can come pick you up and be with you really needs to be able to help take care of you. Because like it or not, you DO need to be taken care of, I don't care how tough or strong you are. You're sick right now, and there is no more shame in that than in having cancer or a broken leg or any other physical injury. If you are 17 and living in the USA, you might still be in school. High school counselors aren't fantastic, but they can be a fantastic resource to you if you don't have a counselor right now.

 

I know that this isn't what you were asking about, but your life is much more important than some stupid vibrator will ever be. I know you don't know me, but you need to trust me on this one. Feeling suicidal is nothing to **** around with. Please please PLEASE be safe, and take really good care of yourself.

[Perrin83]

I don't think you should do or say anything. There's nothing wrong with having a vibrator. That's something she has to get over - not you. Yeah... I can see how that would be totally embarrassing... but the embarrassment will fade in time. I would say and do nothing. This too shall pass...

 

Honestly, sirensoul has given us no indication that her mother has any problem with it.

 

It sounds like sirensoul, not her mother, needs to realize that there's nothing wrong with having a vibrator.

[Roxie84]

LOL my mom couldn't look at me when she found my drawer full of vibrators, dildos, and bondage toys

 

If she's like my mom, and she's just making a point but not "bringing it up," then no biggie, she'll let it go.

 

My concern is your thoughts of suicide. It's not "silly" at all, it is extremely serious. Just because you may not feel like you would do it today, just having those thoughts alone raise serious flags. Do you have a counsellor at school you can speak with about this? Or could you please, at the very least, speak with someone over the phone, anonymously, on a suicide hotline?

[Miss Firecracker]

The vibrator is nothing. Main thing here is you almost ended your life. You should find a good doctor and explain how severe your depression is.