anaea Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Hello all, just wanting to get some other opinions. My 17 year had been in a relationship with another girl her age for 2 months, but she hasn't told anyone yet. This is really worrying me because the sneaking around and lying can't be easy for her. In order to confirm, I did have a look on her facebook, a violation of privacy, I know, but I want to talk to her about this and didn't want to bring it up without being sure. Mostly, the concern I have is the girl she is with has done drugs and has piercings/tattoos I just want to make sure my sister isn't talked into doing something she regrets. She is someone who goes along with what other people are doing/want quite readily. I thought we had a close relationship, but she hasn't said anything to me, even though she knows I would have no issue with her being gay. So what do people think? I want to just go to her and say that I know she is in a relationship with this girl, that she is not the only one to have done some sneaking around on that front, that if she'd like to talk I'm there, but that she needs to tell our mother and stop the lying.
sirensoul Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 In my opinion, even as her sister, you don't really have to right to tell her to stop "lying" and to tell her mother. She's not exactly lying. I don't think you understand how difficult it can be to come out of the closet. Her sexuality is her business. She obviously isn't ready to tell her family and she needs time. Also, I'm guessing you don't really know much about her girlfriend and you're making judgements based on appearance. It's not really your place to judge. I just think you should look at the situation from your sister's perspective. Think about what she may be going through. Think about how scary it would be for your sister to tell your family, probably not knowing how your mom would react. Once again, I think it's her business and you should try and be understanding.
Blue92 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I want to just go to her and say that I know she is in a relationship with this girl, that she is not the only one to have done some sneaking around on that front, that if she'd like to talk I'm there, but that she needs to tell our mother and stop the lying. I think this is a good plan. Just let let your sister know that you don't think of her any differently because she must feel very insecure about this if she won't even talk to you. And, I agree with trying to get her to talk to your mother also because lying and sneaking around always ends up biting you in the butt somehow.
anaea Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 @ sirensoul: just to clarify, she had actually been lying, for example: telling us she had plans to donate blood and do some shopping, being dropped off at the shops, but then talking the train to her gfs house. I don't think the main issue is her sexuality, she has talked about this a little and is open about her interest in this area, even though she hasn't come out and said she is gay. I think its more about that she is in a relationship. She knows our mother would be accepting, mum thinks she is just fooling around with the girl and talked to her about this. And for the record, I know the gf is trying to get my sister to get a certain piercing and that they have talked about drugs. Though I don't think the gf wouldn't talk my sister into doing something that would be bad for her, I just want to be able to talk to her about this stuff, she's been pretty sheltered and gods knows I did some stupid things to please my first partner. @Blue92: thanks for the support. I think I'm going to talk to her today, after she gets home from her gf's.
sirensoul Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 @anaea I can understand this better with the details. It's just that I get where your sister's coming from. Just remember to be understanding and compassionate...I'm sure you are and I get that you just want to be able to talk to her but remember that coming out is a hard thing to do.
anaea Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 @sirensoul: thanks. I understand. I figured from your first response this topic was something personal to you.
anaea Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Just an update, talking with her went well. She wasn't surprised that I knew about her and her gf. Thanks for the help.
lukeb Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Just an update, talking with her went well. She wasn't surprised that I knew about her and her gf. Thanks for the help. It sounds like this is a much bigger issue for you than it is for her. The fact that you don't care very much for her girlfriend is probably going to land you into more trouble with her. What doesn't seem to be an issue at all for you is to go into someone private facebook emails and messages. To say that you know that it is a violation but that you did it anyways just means that you don't care that it is a violation. I think that because you do it so easily, that you will likely carry that behavior into your future relationships. Something to think about the next time you say how horrible it is but that you did it anyways.
cadmiumblue Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Agreed, and OP would definitely not be acting like this if her sister was dating a dude.
buddha55 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 regardless of gender, I think most would be concerned if someone were sneaking around. think about safety reasons too.
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