Does anyone else do or have done this after a break-up?

[TheNewGuy]

For the first month after my breakup I pretty much moped around, didn't want to go anywhere, etc. Then I started trying to hang out with some friends, but they really have their own busy lives so I just felt like an inconvenience to them. So I started taking myself out some. Like yesterday I took myself to a movie and then out to dinner and at a restaurant. It wasn't the best thing in the world, but it sure kept me from sitting here staring at the walls.

 

In everyone's opinion though, does it look pathetic to take yourself out alone, or does it some how maybe show some confidence? I've had some people I know say "hey that's cool" and some say " man that's sad."

[zyz30]

I went out to get dinner by myself for the first time the other day. I debated just taking it to-go but decided to sit in by myself. Honestly, I felt so awkward that I was just glued to my phone pretending to do something. It just made me miss her even more.

[MizzGee]

When I see people sitting alone... I don't really think anything of it. It is awkward to be that person though haha. I'm getting better at sitting/eating alone. It gives me time to just relax and think about anything I want.

[nutbrownhare]

It's better to get out and about on your own than it is sitting at home staring at the walls, but there are rather more options than this...!

 

If going out on your own is going to make you feel sad and isolated (and really we're talking about YOU here, not whether other people think it's 'cool' or 'sad') then do things differently. For example, if you like going out to eat, there are dining clubs and societies which do just this - and a whole host of other activities, such as theatre trips and outings, which may be more fun to do in company. There are other things which it may be better to do alone - I'd put things like swimming, or going to the gym, in this category - and work out what they are for you.

 

I've been to concerts alone, largely because there was nobody available who'd be interested, and found that strangers were more likely to come and chat than if I'd been in company; I've passed some very pleasant evenings like this.

 

The other thing is that being at home alone doesn't necessarily mean sitting, moping and staring at the walls. Being single can be a great opportunity to reconnect with all kinds of interests which may have fallen by the wayside during a relationship, catch up on reading, do something creative - and in these days of internet access, there are forums where you can share your interests with like-minded individuals - no matter how bizarre or eccentric your interests may be!

[FabulousGrace]

Go for it! And who cares what other people think? I go out to eat on my own sometimes too, but I love reading, so I take a good book and ask for a quiet corner table. I usually really enjoy it. I have to been to the movies on my own too (and hey, it gets dark, no one's really going to notice) and I have no problem going out for the day, mooching about by myself.

 

Don't listen to what other people say - heck, don't even ask them. Did you enjoy it? If so...off you go.

[SoLost12]

Personally, I think that's awesome! I guess it depends who you are, and your level of comfort being 'alone.' Company is fun, but you really don't need another person to go watch a movie, or have dinner. It's so nice sometimes to have time alone to think, reflect, and feel ok not being around people ALL the time. I pride myself on being able to do the things I really want to do with or without company.. not letting other people alter my night. Most of my friends are in relationships & busy with their lives... and I get that feeling of inconvenience. But I think it feels worse to have plans with people who cancel and stay home thinking 'wow they have each other, I have no one.' I'll go to that show, dinner, movie anyway- cause it's still as much fun! I dont really care about what people think in this respect, and find that the ones who do that 'man that's sad' or 'awww*pitiful eyes* thing, are uncomfortable with idea because they arent ok with being by themselves & are too concerned with what others think. -> And I have gotten those eyes, it just makes me smile at them and feel a bit proud of myself. My life is full of great friends, and events- but I chose to be with me right now. That's how I approach it, nothing sad about it.

 

That being said, this REALLY depends on where you are in your breakup healing process. While the above is my general nature, right after my breakup, being alone on a friday or saturday night made me feel horrible... a month to the date tho, I went out to a great little restaurant, listened to live music & had dinner... That made me feel empowered thinking that a month previous I was hysterical, and bed ridden. ha.

This still comes and goes, but when I can- I seize the opportunity to feel empowered & feel like me again...

 

As for people's opinion... more often than not, I think it looks pretty damn awesome that you're that independent/confident(even if u dont feel it).

 

I had some tourists come sit, along with another woman who was having dinner alone ... we ended up dancing, (which Ive always been too shy to do) having great conversation...it turned into an adventure!

 

You did a brave thing, taking the initiative to change your own circumstances - I vote COOL!!

[Loveandlost]

I travel alot for work, so I dine out alot either way so this never bothered me. Sit at the bar, strike up conversations with others or simply say hi and smile. Oh and as for movies solo ive done that since i was 15 and my parents were getting a divorce, it was me time away from the fighting. So ya dont let others define what you can do.

[quirky]

I love doing things by myself ! I used to have my solo date nights even when I was with my ex. I like going to the cinema or performances. I have only gone to dinner once or twice and didn't enjoy it that much but anything else I love doing on my own.

 

I think it's a good thing and you shouldn't care what others may think, usually they don't even notice. I vote cool too 8)

[hotnspicychikn]

Check out meetups in your area if you want to meet some new people

[Lambert]

I go solo sometimes. Like you said, sometimes there just isn't anyone around to do stuff with. In a restaurant, I sit at the bar and read or if there's a tv. I think a lot of single working people do this --- especially during the work week. But I usually don't go by myself on a weekend night. It's too crowded and I would feel self-conscious. Same with the movies. I will go to a matinee during the week alone (if I am off work) but not on the weekend.

[Justme3]

I think it's wonderful that you take yourself out. I want to take myself out and be comfortable with it. I plan to just be with me for quite a while now and perhaps it's time I do the same.

[Keykey]

For the first month after my breakup I pretty much moped around, didn't want to go anywhere, etc. Then I started trying to hang out with some friends, but they really have their own busy lives so I just felt like an inconvenience to them. So I started taking myself out some. Like yesterday I took myself to a movie and then out to dinner and at a restaurant. It wasn't the best thing in the world, but it sure kept me from sitting here staring at the walls.

 

In everyone's opinion though, does it look pathetic to take yourself out alone, or does it some how maybe show some confidence? I've had some people I know say "hey that's cool" and some say " man that's sad."

 

I always went out alone because exactly like what you said above "friends are busy with their own life" and most of my friends are married or have loving relationship and Im just the outsiders now. Sometimes I took my sisters kids with me, eventhough I have to have double expenses. But most of the time I go out alone. Maybe its pathetic, I also talked to myself, told to myself to be strong. I am so glad u post this, now I know Im not the one doing it. Its sad since my bf left me

 

Lets get through this together!

[spectacular]

Going out by yourself is sometimes the coolest thing you could possibly do for yourself. Trust me! I do both. I know everyone has lonely moments but sometimes alone is the best place to be. It's NOTHING worse than going out with a group or a friend you really didn't want to go out with. I'm really sociable, so I used to go out with big groups, but found that sometimes that irritate me. When I'm ready to go...I'm ready to go and sometimes the group isn't. I have had some REALLY memorable experiences going out by myself. When I first moved, I only had one friend in the city and I didn't like hanging out with her all the time, so I would go by myself. I ended up meeting some REALLY GREAT ppl this way. Many of them I still keep in touch with. This time last year exactly, I had just broke up with my girl. I had to, I knew she wasn't the one. Because she would want to be around ALL the time and I would be plotting as to how I was going to get away from her. Whenever I have a lonely moment, I think about how bad I wanted out of that situation. My challenge is not going out by myself, people want to go out all the time, I just don't feel like going out with them. And who gives a rat's azz about what other people think about you. You don't know those people and they don't pay your bills. They are not a factor. What matters is how you feel about yourself. All that matters is if you had a good time.

[TheNewGuy]

I was mostly just wondering what people thought about it. Had they tried it, etc. If I was really worried that I was looking pathetic then I wouldn't go. I make small talk with people when I'm out though. Most of the time they are receptive.

 

A little o/t, but before this past breakup I was always quiet and reserved. Now it's like what have I got to lose. I used to have a hard time talking to people, especially attractive girls. Now when I see one I chit chat with her, well unless she has a ring lol. I always respect the ring. I guess I'm just trying to break out of this slump I'm in. Maybe trying to gain a better personality or something. If nothing else, trying to build confidence. My ex has already moved on it seems so why shouldn't I be able to also? I'm not looking for dates or anything, just people to make a conversation with then maybe a friendship. And I hope no one on here gets the feeling that I'm being shallow, because I'll talk to anyone, not just attractive people.

[Natasha24]

I never think it's sad or weird when I see someone alone at the movies/dinner/wherever. I think they're either waiting for someone, or they're brave. I wish I could o out alone. Keep it up!! Do whatever you need to keep yourself busy

[Cheetarah]

I've never viewed someone out who was out alone as pathetic. In my honest opinion, I think it's a little pathetic when you WANT to go out but won't because you don't have someone to hold your hand, to fend off the "Do I look pathetic?" thoughts.

[GrowingUp85]

I agree with a previous poster, whenever I go somewhere alone, I tend to make more friends. I'm not sure what the dynamic is, but I feel like I'm more approchable when I'm by myself. Come to think of it, I was by myself the day I met my ex. I haven't been out alone much since we split. Maybe that's something I need to get back to doing.

[MasterPo]

Nothing wrong with it. Enjoy yourself. Check out places you have always wanted to go and maybe go back with someone special or not. Nothing sad about it.

[Freshstart637]

I still haven't gotten the courage to do things on my own yet, except grocery shopping. I am hoping I will get there, it's already been a month. Ugh.

[FreeFallFeelin]

There's nothing wrong with going out alone. Absolutely nothing! I go out alone all the time. I can almost guarantee that very few people have any thoughts about whether you're a lone or not. It's mostly you, worrying about whether or not other people are watching you! Let them watch if they want. People's attention spans are only about three seconds anyway.

[Ms Darcy]

I think it's great to be alone. Seriously. We spend most of our lives in our own heads. We might as well be doing things we enjoy.

[deejay74]

For the first month after my breakup I pretty much moped around, didn't want to go anywhere, etc. Then I started trying to hang out with some friends, but they really have their own busy lives so I just felt like an inconvenience to them. So I started taking myself out some. Like yesterday I took myself to a movie and then out to dinner and at a restaurant. It wasn't the best thing in the world, but it sure kept me from sitting here staring at the walls.

 

In everyone's opinion though, does it look pathetic to take yourself out alone, or does it some how maybe show some confidence? I've had some people I know say "hey that's cool" and some say " man that's sad."

 

I didn't read anyone's responses on here but I wanted to let you know I've been to the movies and dinner alone many times. It's not sad at all! I think it takes a little more confidence to do those things by yourself.

 

I honestly sometimes prefer to do those things alone because then I can choose the movie I want and see it when I want. Same goes for getting dinner solo. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. Do things that make you happy.

 

I would even recommend going to a bar by yourself.

 

They key to all these things is not to feel self-conscious or to be obvious you're feeling a little lonely. People pick up on that. You never know. If you went to a bar by yourself just to enjoy a good beer and watch a game, or something, you could have some girl chat you up. Again, it's the attitude you project.

[TheNewGuy]

Totally agree on the attitude part.

[Ang33]

I went on an overnight backpacking trip by myself for some self reflection.

[markie6]

I have learned over the years... I need to be able to be happy on my own. Sadly it is because there will be many times like this throughout your life and if you cannot cope doing anything on your own, you had better start learning now. Everything you do on your own op...will hold you in good stead. You can surround yourself with friends, family, hobbies and all the other things you can think of but you will have to cope with the awful feeling of absolute solitude from time to time.

 

It's great to be able to survive on your own , it might not be what you want right now , but it is absolutely necessary for your emotional wellbeing. It will also help when you have somebody beside you, it will give you strength.