When to push... when to let go?

[Deejmonster]

So here I am again, somethings never change..

 

I met "E" on OkCupid in April of this year, we hit it off immediately, had 1 amazing date and talked everyday. I knew something was different about "E"... but it just wasn't good timing for her.. she was moving, finishing school, and starting a new job all in the same time frame and she obviously couldn't handle it all and we broke it off... I was angry, confused, and down right frustrated with this girl and at myself... blaming myself for screwing it all up... and she didn't come back... she was the one I would settle with, the one I would call my own, and the one I would put up with... and she just had showed me that she wasn't ready. I continued living life, I talked to a few girls and it went nowhere... and then I met a girl, we dated, we had fun, and it had run its course, and it ended. On a late day in August, my phone vibrated... it was "E"! I was so confused, shocked, surprised... what could she possibly want?! maybe she texted the wrong number... I said hello, she apologized and explained her negative behavior towards me and asked for forgiveness... I accepted it... and we began talking.. and for everyday since... we talked, as if we were old friends.. I invited her on a date, she complied, we talked about getting back into dating and she agreed. She told me a few times before that she wanted me in her life, I was different from all the rest, and that she wanted to see how things went and that eventually we could see if things worked in a relationship. I was happy, I had gotten my second chance... I wasn't going to screw it up... and I learned quickly to be patient with things... She started dropping hints about an ex boyfriend... and soon enough I learned that she had just got out of a relationship with an old ex... that lasted just under 3 years. The relationship ended just a week or so before we started talking... I feared that I was the rebound... but her actions didn't say so... she wanted to take things slow and now rush into anything... before long I noticed that she has had less and less time to talk to me between her 2 jobs and grad school, she never initiates conversations anymore, and has been canceling on dates... I have tried to be sympathetic to the fact that she is probably still grieving and has a lot of baggage, and I am one to help her through it... but I am unsure... is her behavior indicating a loss of interest? or is the wound still too fresh for her to fully give herself to me? I have been patient with her but I still believe that she can do a little to show me that she cares. We have talked about these issues and she continues to tell me that if there were issues that she would tell me and that everything is ok between us... I asked her to always be honest with me because I have been hurt in the past, and she informed me that she would always tell the truth because she has been in my shoes so many times before too... so should I hang on... or let go? because I am very close to telling her that I don't know that I can continue to do this, as it isnt fair for me to be neglected until she can find herself again.

[MizzGee]

I'm sorry, but i think it is time to let go. You didn't get the second chance, she did. And she screwed it up. It doesn't sound like she is ready to begin another relationship. Maybe she hasn't realized this yet and really does like you, but her actions don't match up with what she is saying...

You're right, it isn't fair for you to be ignored. I think you need to end things and move on. It's sad and it sucks but the timing seems bad. You deserve someone who will give you their undivided attention and respect.

[Ms Darcy]

She's not interested in a relationship with you. She's interested in attention from a guy after having a relationship end.

 

As always, I would advise not getting head over heels for someone you don't know. It will only hurt you to call someone the one you are not even in a relationship with.

 

How are you doing bud? I hope you are working out and eating healthy eh?

[theanonymoose]

You have to be willing to pull away when the other person isn't giving positive responses. So if you're trying to have a text conversation with her, and she doesn't respond at a point you feel like she should - stop texting her for at least a few days, if not a week or two. If you've been asking her to catch up and she keeps coming up with reasons that she can't or cancelling when she says she can, stop asking her (and again, probably cut off communication). If you reach an impasse where you want the situation between you two to be one way, and she wants it to be another, you need to be able to walk away if you can't both agree on where you should be.

 

It can suck if you really like someone, felt great chemistry, and something is stopping things from working out (maybe it's her feelings, maybe it's her situation, who knows) - but at the end of the day, there are better fish in the sea. That seems like a useless saying sometimes as you don't know where to find those other fish - but they're out there. Better to put your energy into finding them, rather than relentlessly pursuing a girl that isn't earning said relentless pursuit. Yes, the girl has to earn your chase to by giving a bit back.