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Having issues, about 4 months in.

Casmut

By Casmut
in Relationship Advice

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Casmut Collaborator

Casmut

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So about 4 months ago I started dating this girl. We met through mutual friends and hit it off instantly. Everything was peachy, honeymoon period, love spending time with her and all, texting all day while we're working and so on. However I began to notice a bit of an issue with her towards the end of July, a form of stubbornness that I haven't seen before. One day while at work, I asked her if I could come see her later in the evening. She never gave me a direct yes or no answer, she then went on to say "NO!" in a playful way. Hours pass and I still don't have a real answer. So finally in the evening a friend calls and asks to go out, so I agree and go to hang with a friend. 30 minutes later she calls me and asks to do something, but I told I couldn't as I was doing something else. She flew off the handle and didn't talk to me for a few days, she said I shouldn't ask her to do things if I don't follow through with them..she never gave me a direct answer, she just joked about other things instead of planning an evening.

 

This type of scenario has happened several times, but each time it happens it gets worse and worse. One Friday, she asked me if I would like to join her at the movies with her and a friend. I told her I couldn't give her a solid answer because I had to work late. At first she was understanding until around 5PM she texts me asking me if I could go, I once again tell her I am working late and I'll try. The movie was starting at 9, so it was going to be tough for me to make it. By 6PM we're having a full blown text argument, she is telling me that she is never making plans again with me and that I'll have to be the one to make plans and so on. Shortly after she threatens to dump me. All this while I am still at work on a Friday night! I leave work at 8PM, she is still texting away, giving me hell for being a bad boyfriend apparently. I get home, I don't shower or eat and I race to the theatre which is about 30 minutes away. I make it just on time so that she would stop acting all crazy.

 

Another scenario, one evening she calls me to go out and I tell her I can't because I planned on having dinner with my Mom since I haven't seen her in weeks. She flies off the handle and again "dumps" me via text. At this point I am so frustrated at the lack of understanding that I am starting to feel otherwise about our relationship.

 

This type of thing has happened at least 4 times. She has "broken up" with me several times, she gave me hell because I finally have vacation from work and I planned on catching up with a few things that I have been neglecting for some time. I make so much of an effort to see her, I drive to her house nearly every day to spend time with her, I take her out to dinners and so on, we do so much together. I see her all the damn time, I almost live with her. Yet if I don't meet a standard she loses it.

 

Recently she has begun to harp on other things. For example, I no longer pull out her chair or open doors for her..why? Because she asked me to stop doing it for her and didn't like people helping her, but she is getting mad now that I don't do it. She once got mad at me for always wanting to go out and do things, she said why can't I just stay in, relax and cuddle. Once again I agree and that's all we do. She then used it against me in a recent argument claiming I never take her out to do things and called me an a**hole.

 

Last night she went to some banquet, and she planned on cabbing it home..the fare would have been over $100 and I told her I'd pick her up, since I wanted to see her anyway. As I left my place I caught word of a friend opening up a new bar and I was invited to the grand opening that was going on at the same time I was picking her up. So thinking maybe we could do something after I get her, I invite her to the bar when I pick her up and she immediately attacks me with "OH I SEE, SO YOU COME HER TO PICK ME UP AND EXPECT ME TO DO YOUR PLANS?! WHAT THE HELL I WOULD HAVE STAYED, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE PICKED ME UP!!" When I tried to tell her that I didn't want to go to the bar, and it was only a gesture I was passing along, she kept interrupting me saying "I don't want to hear it!" and proceeded to call me an ******* and that I do nothing for her. Half way through the drive she invites me to her brothers house, something I try to avoid because he's an addict and does all sorts of drugs and alcohol and I don't want to get mixed in with that and she knows it. I reluctantly accept however, and she still gets angry.

 

I don't know what to do, I gave up a lot of stuff that I did to spend time with her because I wanted too. My martial arts is key to me but I no longer go because I want to hang with her. Yet if I do something that doesn't involve her she gets so angry, its reached a point where I am afraid to deny her anything because she lacks understanding.

 

She's tried to dump me so many times, and keeps coming back, she berates me at every corner. She is not a nasty person, I am not trying to paint a bad image but these are the negative things that have been happening. Shes truly a good hearted person and always has my best interest at hand, but if she doesn't get what she wants she flies off the handle..there is no medium, its one extreme to another.

 

Another thing to mention is she talks about marriage and having my babies constantly, she is dead serious too.

nrb Rookie

nrb

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It is like reading about my ex... Go away....save yourself. She seems to be bipolar. It will be hard to get rid of her however. She wont let you go. A vampira!

Casmut Collaborator

Casmut

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It won't be hard to get rid of her, but I'd like a solution. Maybe try to fix things, she asked me to be patient with her and that all this is new to her. She's never felt this way about someone before.

SapphireNoir10 Community Regular

SapphireNoir10

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You have been patient. You've been a saint.

 

She's already playing games, being abusive with her language/treatment, she's bringing up marriage and babies?!?

 

I'm afraid if this is her character it wont be changing any time soon.

HeartGoesOn Grand Master

HeartGoesOn

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She's tried to dump me so many times, and keeps coming back, she berates me at every corner. She is not a nasty person, I am not trying to paint a bad image but these are the negative things that have been happening. Shes truly a good hearted person and always has my best interest at hand, but if she doesn't get what she wants she flies off the handle..there is no medium, its one extreme to another.

 

Since all of this is happening after a period of only four months, where do you see yourself in, let's say a year?

Casmut Collaborator

Casmut

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I honestly can't see myself with her for much longer unless things drastically change. I feel like the things I like to do with MY life are put on hold since there is no medium what so ever..

SapphireNoir10 Community Regular

SapphireNoir10

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If you really want to work on it you need to explain that as much as you like her, her behaviour is confusing and irrational and is not making you very happy at the moment. She'll either try and make an effort or wont.

Casmut Collaborator

Casmut

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Well I'm going to her house in a few hours to discuss things, I don't know whats going to happen. We might even break up, but I'll update her with what happens.

IamI Apprentice

IamI

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WOW she sounds like she just wants her way and she expects you to act they she wants you to. She is not accepting you for who you are but wants you to be who she wants you to be.

Casmut Collaborator

Casmut

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This is crazy, last night I went to her house. We talked about our issues, she said I need to be more of a gentleman. She said she idolizes her parents relationship and that's what she is seeking. Then I told her my side and asked her to ease up a little bit and not be so stubborn. She agreed, everything was peachy, we watched a movie, we had sex. This morning, first thing in the morning she dumps me for a 5th time claiming its not gonna work. MY GOD! I'm just gonna leave this and not try to mend it lol

Deejmonster Community Regular

Deejmonster

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I have a coworker with the same situation... its been going on for almost a year now... to the point where I think he has stockholm syndrome... hearing about the dumb stuff this girl puts him through makes me think your chick is the same... I say its mental illness.. you have done what you could to help your situation... I would turn away and not look back... dont expect her to go quiet though. Just a warning

Casmut Collaborator

Casmut

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Its pretty much done, we had another text argument session for a good part of the day. She more or less pissed me off, judging me and making false assumptions about me.

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