Worst night ever..

[PH88]

So my gf of 4 years(one living together) broke up with me roughly a month ago. She claimed she needed time for herself and to be independent. I, knowing that she was breaking up with me at the time, accepted it and let her go and went hardcore NC, blocked her on facebook, the works. I was torn inside out and could not stop thinking about her. Fast forward to yesterday and things finally felt better and more liberating. So my friend and I decided to go to one of our favorite clubs downtown.

 

However, when we arrived we went to the back patio to have a smoke and lo and behold, there she is, two girls and one guy that i have met once before. Set aside the initial shock, I immediately realize the guy was her date that night and that she came out with him.. I felt crushed like I never have before. I approached her non-nonchalant trying to keep my cool, smiled, talked and caught up with her. Met her guy friend, and the two other girls and we just talked to each other. I told her some things about me that I've been working on and keeping busy with(getting motorcycle, starting up martial arts, etc) and she looked surprised and interested. She told me I look great and we just had a normal conversation. But the more I talked to her the more I just wanted to cry right there.

 

However, when I talked to the girl she was with, and filled her in on the recent breakup, she immediately praised how well I was handling the situation. I was dancing, having a good time, being respectful to my ex and her friends, and this, according to the friend I was talking to was nothing short from "miraculous how I was being so cool with it." So I began to talk to this friend more and more as she was trying to ease my pain, somewhat flirtatiously of course, but helping me out nonetheless(my ex and the guy were flirting directly behind me the entire time). As my ex caught on, she began to break down(I did not see this) and left the club immediately by herself crying.

 

So what does this mean? How did this effect my ex if at all? The more I think about how I handled the situation, the more I realize I came out a stronger individual, because of how nice and respectful I was to her and her new boy toy and attempting to have a good time and flirting with other women.

 

This was one of the most painful experiences I've ever gone through. I'm madly in love with a woman who broke up with me, and now I run into her with another man. I hope that by showing how easy going and nonchalant I was, and how I was moving on just fine without her, really had an impact on what she thought she was missing.

 

ANY THOUGHTS? I wouldn't mind having some of you to talk to, Im feeling so down right now.

[transmit]

It's understandably painful to run into your ex. This happened to me by accident in the aftermath of my break-up - twice, in fact - and each time I felt a slight setback, just having to see him again. You should keep moving on and feeling good about yourself, though. You handled it like a champ.

[markie6]

Yep , it burns now. That first time seeing them with somebody else will never have to happen again. You did brilliantly

[Johnny Utah]

You shouldn't feel bad.

 

Why not feel proud of yourself for controlling your feelings and emotions? It's not like you meant it to happen or wanted her to feel bad. You were the one who got dumped on. You had to pick up your life.

 

Good for you.

[PH88]

Yep , it burns now. That first time seeing them with somebody else will never have to happen again. You did brilliantly

 

In situations like these, are ex's usually looking for people in my shoes to act differently or hostile? I had a feeling that she was expecting me to spontaneously erupt on them, her and this dude even took a couple subtle shots at me such as how I wear hats a lot and what not. Im actually more curious to know the possibilities how this effected her. I know I shouldn't even think about her like this, but I'm just curious what you all think..

[PH88]

You shouldn't feel bad.

 

Why not feel proud of yourself for controlling your feelings and emotions? It's not like you meant it to happen or wanted her to feel bad. You were the one who got dumped on. You had to pick up your life.

 

Good for you.

 

I am proud the more I reflect on it. Its just a bad situation for me that's all. It still hurts to know shes already seeing someone 3 weeks post bu. Im surprised she left by herself all upset too I mean she was the one who dumped me.

[mhowe]

It probably was an ego blow that you have moved on and put her behind you.

[markie6]

Hopefuly she was expecting you to act badly. When you didn't it threw her a little. People expect a bad reaction I reckon. So you handled it well and should be walking tall with your head held high. Doesn't really matter what she thinks

[Lambert]

Not knowing either of you, I can't say for sure.... but for what it's worth, I think she was overwhelmed. It's easy to deal with you, if you act like a jerk but you didn't. KUDOS!! And it sounds like not only were you nice, mature, fun and all around doing okay, the guy she was with was being a douche bag (how dare he make digs at you. Even if you hate each either, he should be better for her sake) And on top of that, the girl that is with her is flirting with you. And there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. For her, it was a nightmare, too.

 

I am sorry you had to endure that. You did really well and I think you should feel good about it, but it's so traumatic, I understand that you are not relishing in the moment. It was a bad situation. I am sure today she is thinking about you and really in terms of facing an ex, you definitely lived the fantasy reaction. BUt a word of caution, I wouldn't focus on it too long. Keep moving forward because that's the best thing you can do for you. Regardless of what she is thinking or doing, nothing has changed.

[Shane Falco]

I think you killed it dude, and I mean that in the fact that you did your thing perfectly. You took a horrible situation and you acted about as well as you possibly could and it put her on tilt. I had a similar situation (no guy involved thankfully) with my ex and while I wasn't as skilled as you, I acted cool and chill and collected around my ex while she was acting cold/distant/annoyed/jilted. And the more I just did my thing, the more she was bothered because I wasn't feeding into the negativity she was putting out. And I even got her to take down her guard a bit and laugh/smile and some of the things I said and did. Of course she'd revert to being weird once she knew that I knew she was breaking cover, but yeah, I came off looking normal while she came off looking petty and bothered. When I saw her a second time (both days I hung out with her, her sister and her sister's husband, who is my best friend) she was a lot more friendly and almost normal. I'm still nowhere near where I want to be, but I learned that a) she's going through a lot of the same turmoil I am and b) that I could disarm her negativity by acting like it didn't exist.

[PH88]

Thank you everyone for the insight I really appreciate the help. Seriously this has helped me immensely because I have never been in this situation before so I have been confused I didn't know how I acted was the right way to approach everything.

[PH88]

Yea the dude was being a douche, and if I weren't initially in the state of shock I would've said something to him ha ha. But Im glad I just brushed it off. I agree nothing has changed and I wont let it affect me anymore, however do you think an incident like this would stick with her for a while? Or in other words was this a positive impact on her in terms of how she viewed me?

[markie6]

I am not sure you even realise the size of this accomplishment... you have just won the olympic gold medal for handling yourself in that situation... believe me ..

Thank you everyone for the insight I really appreciate the help. Seriously this has helped me immensely because I have never been in this situation before so I have been confused I didn't know how I acted was the right way to approach everything.

[PH88]

I am not sure you even realise the size of this accomplishment... you have just won the olympic gold medal for handling yourself in that situation... believe me ..

 

 

Im starting to realize that it was a huge blow to her ego, and that is the sole reason for her leaving. Not because she was jealous, but that she realized I was moving on. Thanks for the insight Markie