NC - Do I tell the truth? Or make something up?

[Sparkleeyes]

Hello

 

I hope you can give me some advice.

 

On Wednesday I have to go to my Ex's work premises to carry out some business. It's been a regular thing for the last 3 years and we usually have coffee and lunch. Since we broke up 17 days ago, we've missed two Wednesdays because the first was too soon and the second he was travelling (I went anyway but he wasn't there). I'm self employed so I can decide if I go or not.

 

My dilemma is this: he sent me a text last week saying that hopefully we could catch up this coming Wednesday as he is sure we'll both have lots of gossip by then. The problem is I don't want to see him because I'm not ready and I want to keep NC. So, do I tell him straight that I don't feel ready to see him? or do I make up an excuse that I have other plans? I am thinking the latter because I don't want him to think that I'm not coping with the break-up and I don't want his pity. I definitely do not want to go and make small talk as if nothing happened.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[Vegetable]

I think you're better off making up an excuse. As you said you don't want him to think that you are not doing well.

 

Re-schedule a meeting if necessary when you're ready to see him and not care about it.

[markie6]

^^ what Veg said .... it's so hard to be prepared , then you find out it's too soon and it's too late to put the shields up.....

[PaintWithLight]

I am unclear. You MUST visit his work premises because of a client of yours? Are you a rep for a photocopy company or something like that? Unless this is a cornerstone of your business, I would consider dropping this stop all together rather than continuing to play dodge with your ex.

 

You are under no obligation to continue this routine after the break up. It sounds like you are not truly in NC if he is asking you for a catch up. NC is total communication blackout, not just avoiding seeing them. It is not about your inability to handle the break up, it is because your new life is so rocking great that your schedule is full every second. This guy is dust fading in your review mirror! No excuse necessary, stop talking with him!!! Then you will not feel the need to explain things to him. NC is NC!! Why are you still in talking with him and calling it NC?

[Abigaelle]

Either don't even reply, or make an excuse.

I personally wouldn't even reply back.

[Sparkleeyes]

I sublet a retail unit on his premises and I have $$$$$$ of stock there. I have thought about moving out but it is a drastic step as I would have to find somewhere else. Also deep down I am hoping for reconciliation.

 

I haven't called him or text him so I am keeping NC. I didn't reply to his message and it was sent 6 days ago.

[Abigaelle]

Then just make an excuse until the text next time.

[Sportster2005]

There is not need to 'catch up' with an ex. He is an ex not a friend. It's normal to want a reconciliation. But acting on that want can keep you stuck in break up purgatory. You will find yourself not able to go back and unable to move forward. That's a horrible place to be.

 

If it is in your best interest to attend for business than do so. Don't reply to his text. If you see him there act cordially and professional. If he tries to get you alone to 'catch up' blow him off. Let him know you are there for business. If he has any character he will respect that and leave you alone. If he sulks that's his problem.

[Sparkleeyes]

There is not need to 'catch up' with an ex. He is an ex not a friend. It's normal to want a reconciliation. But acting on that want can keep you stuck in break up purgatory. You will find yourself not able to go back and unable to move forward. That's a horrible place to be.

 

If it is in your best interest to attend for business than do so. Don't reply to his text. If you see him there act cordially and professional. If he tries to get you alone to 'catch up' blow him off. Let him know you are there for business. If he has any character he will respect that and leave you alone. If he sulks that's his problem.

 

My thoughts entirely!