I don't know how to act around my ex

[SAButterfly]

So, my past exes never stayed in my life (I moved away or they did) so this is all kind of new to me. Is it normal for exes to ignore each other after a breakup- 9 months later? We have a lot of mutual friends and are invited to the same parties. At one time after the breakup, we were able to have conversations. But as of late, we stand a few feet away from each other and just don't acknowledge the other's presence.

 

I really loved him, but he hurt me pretty bad. That's why I feel so conflicted and just don't know how to act around him. A part of me feels like he rejected me from his life- why should I care? Why should I talk to him?

 

But another part feels like this is someone I once shared so much with- all of my secrets and now we can't even talk? He started opening up to me and then got scared and pushed me away. He would say things like "I would never marry him" and that I never loved him anywhere near as much as he loved me. (I was his first serious girlfriend at 25).

 

I feel like our relationship is getting worse, not better. I guess, I feel like if we could be civil with one another then it would mean that our relationship meant something to him and I'm at the point now where I see that, as much as it hurts, we are in just two different places in life.

 

Does it get easier with time?

[bw92116]

Yes, you will just automatically adapt to it, slowly, but you will. Your goal is indifference. He hurt you. Why should you care? Why should you talk to him? He's nothing to you. It doesn't matter how much you shared with him in the past. He wiped that out by hurting you. So who cares about him. Even if he's there, trying to talk to you. Who cares. Practice being indifferent. You have much better things to think about and much better people to think about.

[SoLost12]

Based on some of his comments, it sounds like he had (has) confidence issues that stopped him from believing you could actually want to be with him- If this caused him to push you away during the relationship, I can see how he would want to keep his distance afterwards. Some people are avoidant, and want to forget their issues instead of dealing with them... maybe being around you, talking normally is more than he can handle. Especially if it makes him feel guilty (he hurt you) and question things he doesn't want too (his issues).

 

I think it's one of the hardest parts of breaking up, realizing that this person you once held in your arms and told everything to is no longer someone you even say Hello to on a regular basis. Comprehending this has always been a huge struggle for me.

 

I feel like if we could be civil with one another then it would mean that our relationship meant something to him

 

It does get easier to accept... drifting apart is a vital part of moving on- even in the best case scenario, mutually agreed upon, amicable breakup...distance is needed to grow, and maybe later, if it's meant to be..grow back together in whatever way possible.

In this case, it sounds like he has some issues to work out before he could get to that stage anyway... and that you've made more peace with this than he has.

 

(Hope I havn't assumed too much... just a general impression)

 

Take Care

[SAButterfly]

Thanks so much for your comments! It's extremely difficult, but I just hope I can get through this and get to a place where, when I look at him, I don't feel this sadness and anger. I fell for his potential and not who he really is.