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Final Goodbye to H. Yes, it's done.

Redtide

By Redtide
in Getting Back Together

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Redtide Contributor

Redtide

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So a friend of mine showed me a text conversation she had with H. She told him that "E has lost so much weight it's scary, she's a skeleton. You need to talk to her and give her your answer as to what's going on in your relationship/friendship." to which he responds that "it's her problem now."

 

I get that, but I also saved this man from others and himself so many times. My first major crisis and he abandons me. I blew up his phone with texts and calls, trying to get him to tell me what makes a man go from marriage to this in a months time. He wouldn't respond to me except to say he's with friends, go away, maybe I'll call you tomorrow. I sent him my final goodbye text this morning and deleted everything. I wish I didn't have the actual number memorized but I do, yet I hope this is it. Everyone remind me again why this man is poisonous and a manipulator. I need to let this whole thing go.

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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Honey, he's obviously made his choice to enjoy a freewheeling life banging all kinds of women. If he is genuinely a sex addict, like most addicts he goes off to chase his one and only true love, the thing he is addicted to, which is banging many many women.

 

So he has obviously decided that you interfere with that desire, so he is being callous and just doing his own thing. You would never be happy in the long run married to ANY addict because they are fundamentally self centered and just make life hell for their supposed loved ones because their overriding commitment is to chasing the addiction regardless of the cost of that addiction to themselves or their own famillies.

 

So the really good news here is you have your answer. He's off in a selfish haze really enjoying himself and it is time for you to realize that he is happy with his life as an addict and is not a good candidate for marriage and a long-term relationship. That is a hard pill to swallow, but truth is your friend because now you can start going about healing and getting on with your own life, and finding someone who is normal and doesn't have all these isses and who isn't a cheater.

 

So today is your own special liberation day! You know what the truth is now, and can start getting on with your life and leave this selfish clod behind. You can do so much better, and the sooner you get on with your life, the sooner you'll find someone who is a decent guy and treats you right.

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Vegetable Rookie

Vegetable

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I know what it is like to be in a toxic relationship. I loved this guy so much, but as lavenderdove says, they will only chase the one thing they truly love: their addiction. I can't remember a weekend we spent together. Why? He'd go out, get drunk and bang whatever woman he found out there. While I stayed home alone or with friends hoping he wouldn't be doing those things.

 

Be happy you're out of this relationship, I know it hurts so bad at first. But give it a few days and you'll see things from a different perspective. Enjoy your freedom, might be scary at first knowing that you don't have that person next to you anymore but you'll see how things change for the best soon

 

My best wishes for you, and we're all here to support each other.

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BellaDonna Grand Master

BellaDonna

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I read all of your threads about H. I really hope you stick by this decision and do not let him into your life ever again or entertain the prospect of being with him again. He is a philanderer and a manipulator and will only bring toxicity into your life.

 

I think calling him an addict is being lenient. Some people are just selfish and don't care if they hurt others in their pursuit for self-gain or hedonism. That sounds more like his MO rather than any kind of illness. But I'm sure he's happy to hide behind the word addict.

 

Whatever it is, it should not be your problem anymore.

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browneyedgirl36 Rising Star

browneyedgirl36

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I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this is for the best. He's done you a huge favor, actually, in disappearing from your life and relieving you of the burden of his unheathliness. You are so much better off without him. It will take time, but eventually, you will see this. Give yourself LOTS of time, starting today, now that you've written him off for good, to heal yourself.

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Redtide Contributor

Redtide

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He's been a mess the last few days, pretending to be fine when he's not. I did see him tonight. He's said he was fine the first week, then trying to find ways to win me back since then. He's been distant cause he's so afraid... he still has all my old drawings and love letters in his stuff, this is... insane. I wasn't expecting him to do this tonight. I don't know how to take it, that's... nuts. I love him and I wanna try again but what the hell. There is more to it but it's so much to say and take in, it's bizarre.

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Redtide Contributor

Redtide

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I am. He contacted me in a panic yesterday morning through texts, he knew I was at work. My phone is also so old it's incapable of blocking people (something I should maybe look into changing) but I knew what his number looked like. I met him after work that night and he was just as much of a mess as me. He's been pigging out on food to comfort himself (he's a personal trainer... BIG no no and he knows it) and pushing me away because he didn't want to know how bad it was for him too and felt he needed to move on. The goodbye email made him snap. We are meeting again this Saturday but we aren't "together" as this is too fragile and too... strange. My heart is so much better right now though and I know that I have the support group to help me if this doesn't work. At least now, he and I are talking.

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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Well, so baby wants to have his cake and eat it too... this is just round 30 or 50 or whatever on the same wheel... you can get all kinds of knee jerk reactions when you cut him off, but he will be singing a different tune in a while when he gets settled in again and bored with the routine and some woman who tempts him cruises by... and he just sated himself on a bunch of strange poon so is now ready to crawl home again for awhile til the next time someone looks appetizing to him.

 

If you're not ready to let go, you're not ready, but keep in mind that he also knows you very well and knows how to push your buttons to get what he wants. so he just got a nice free vacation from you and you're taking him back. it will be great until the next time he wants a vacation and then more of the same.

 

I wouldn't even consider this for a nanosecond unless he agrees to attend therapy sessions with you for a LONG time, at least a year so that he has time to learn something and you have time to see whether he is seriously making changes or just pacifying you until the next time he wants to chase some new poon. and attending an SA support group isn't sufficient, the two of you need real one on one sessions with a professional counselor who can steer you thru this.

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