Instead of messaging him.

[klin]

He broke up with me about 6 weeks ago - nothing that I had said/done, he said he was really confused, but knew he wasn't totally happy and needed to figure some things out. We had been dating for almost 4 years. The first 3 weeks were really hard and I messaged him every couple of days despite him asking to have some distance - I needed closure - I needed something. Finally, I let him go for a while - 4 days, then a week. I saw him last weekend because we had made a gift for his dad's birthday that we had been planning all year and we decided to still give it to him. We hadn't seen each other in a month, and hadn't talked in a week which was weird. We talked w/ his parents for a while and when they had to leave, I went to leave too (didn't wanna make anything weird/awkward) - he followed me to my car and kept bringing different things up when I went to leave. We ended up talking just the two of us for about 45 mins - it was comfortable - just random convo - nothing about the relationship. When I was actually leaving he said it was nice to see me again (I just said "yeah") and then "We'll talk soon...well..probably not soon...you know..." and I just laughed and said yeah and then drove away. It seemed like it was hard to see me go, but I didn't want to press anything.

 

It was the visit I had been hoping for - I thought to myself "if we never speak again, I'll be okay that it ended like that. That it ended nicely and we were happy, and I'm good."

 

Yesterday, I noticed that he made his Twitter private - I had wanted to see what he said in response to a couple of other friends who were bantering/joking around and he was tagged in it. (I had unfollowed him a couple of weeks ago because it was too hard). Noticing this, I sent him a request. I didn't want to care, but I did. ANYWAY, I texted him this morning asking why he made it private and he said that he was getting spam messages and hadn't gotten my request because he hadn't been on Twitter. Then I asked how he was doing and he said he was at a fundraiser and nothing else. I just left it at that.

 

I'm posting here because I need to keep myself from talking to him again. He said he felt like it was over and that he was confident but I miss him so so much. The good days are ones where I try to forget he exists. Part of me thinks that I don't want to ruin a second chance by being clingy/annoying, and part of me doesn't wanna care about the rules...I don't know where he's sitting. I think he's okay, but last weekend had me question things all over again because it seemed hard for him to say goodbye. I know it's not good to read into actions if he doesn't say anything directly, so I don't want to pressure him, and I don't want to get my hopes up. I just feel so stuck. I can't focus on anything because my whole self just wants to talk to him and be with him again. I hate this. It's so so hard trying to convince myself that it's over...especially because there wasn't a full logic to the breakup - he just said something didn't feel right anymore.

 

I just needed to vent.

[eggsandcheese]

Yuck, I am so sorry for your pain. Don't make your pain worse--it's not a good idea to look him on twitter, FB or anything. Turn off your computer if you have to. He's letting you go. I am sure he did feel a little sad when he saw you last week, but not enough to get you back. I think he's probably got something else going on, in terms of a love interest, and he doesn't want you to know. If he doesn't, then I am sure he has made up his mind that you two aren't right for each other and he is breaking away with no one else in sight. Believe me, it is really hard to let go of someone you love but can't see a future with. That being said, we don't know his reasons--but it doesn't matter. He let you go. You are going to have to return the favor and let him go.

 

So, that being said, get out of your home and watch movies, hang out with friends, and pick up a new talent/sport/art. Something, anything to divert your brain from thinking about pain. Nothing helps a broken heart more than appreciating life in another way. Meaning it really helps when you throw yourself into a new adventure. Plan a safari, learn how to wrestle barracudas, bungee jump, visit a country you've always wanted to go, learn a new language, study a martial art, learn how to paint, start planting trees. Anything to make you feel good and take your mind off of this. YOU will ultimately discover YOU again, and better yourself at the same time. Try not to hurt yourself, i.e.. spend too much money at the mall, try all flavors of vodka in one day, or darn it, look him up on twitter or facebook. You are on your own, appreciate life! Think of how many people out there are at the end of their lives and can't explore anymore. You are not one of them, and honor yourself (and them) by taking your heart back. You can do it.

[Lawrencium123]

I agree, you should do your best to not see him online, if you can't stop yourself checking his profile then deactivate your account for a while.

 

I kept checking my ex's facebook and it only prolonged my pain, even after I saw she had a new bf I continued to look to see how happy she was, it was the worst thing I could have done and it made me feel sh*t!

 

Since then my fb has been deactivated, I've gone on to twitter to get my social media fix now as she's not on there! It's so much easier getting on with my life when I'm not fighting the temptation to check up on her. Obviously I could just re-activate my fb but there's much less temptation since I never visit the site now.

 

Just focus on you for a while, write down some things you want to do for yourself and do them!

 

Good luck

[Lawrencium123]

learn how to wrestle barracudas

 

 

[klin]

Mm. Thanks guys. I ended up messaging him anyways because I didn't want to leave it w/o saying anything - leaving a conversation open ended just feels awkward. He responded to my questions, but didn't ask anything, so I had have a good day and he said you too. I wish I knew what he was thinking/feeling - I don't want to make him uncomfortable...but I can't help but imagine him changing his mind.

 

BUT I am trying my best to do all the "right" things in the mean time. Aside from this, everything else (friends, family, housemates, school) is going very well for me and that's really nice.

[skyhop333]

You should do everything you can to avoid checking up on him to cause yourself pain. You need to focus on you. I am going through similar circumstances, but in all my years from experience, its good to let go until you can approach the person as a true friend. Trying to hold on to someone is just sending them away. I learned this many years ago. You will find as time wears on and you repair yourself, you will be better able to handle having some kind of communication with him. I know it hurts when you want a second chance, however don't waste the good of your life waiting on it. When you can focus on yourself for a while, you will be able to see him in a more clear light without the weight of unrequited feelings. When you have moved on and repaired yourself, he may sense that and want to try again. You have to give him the space to decide that in the right frame of mind. Keep in mind, sometimes they don't come back and that's okay. Just remember the good that you learned from it and felt. It's okay to smile if it's over. It's okay if you gain a friend.