Piet Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 well my friends told me that my ex doesn't want to be my friend because she is afraid that i might ruin her relationship with the new guy, but if i confront her and promise her that i wont do such thing and all i want is us to be friends? how will that turn out? Link to comment
DN Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Not well if her new guy objects and most new boyfriends/girlfriends are very wary of their partners friendships with exes, especially the ex immediately prior. Link to comment
mikhylabelle Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Words are cheap. Promising things are nothing. If you want to show her that you wouldn't interfere with her relationship, there is no need for you to talk to her about it.Actually Keeping yourself away from them and minding your own business is the only thing you need to do. And... it has never been wise to be friends with the ex. Not until a long time has passed, and all your wounds have been healed. Ask yourself if you really mean to be friends with someone who chose to not be with you. And i mean... do it honestly. Without the pretentions. Because in the end, you might realize that it might just be another subconscious attempt to be closer to her, or to make her see that you are a good guy and you are cool with anything. Sort of redeeming yourself to make yourself look good in her eyes. If that's the case... not gonna work. Please, don't do it. I've been there, done that. And it really didn't turn out good. I have just let my self sink deeper and deeper into the blackhole, and i watched my self-esteem go. Link to comment
Piet Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 another question, her birthday is coming up next month can i send her a birthday message by facebook? Link to comment
Vegetable Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I don't think it's a good idea until both of you have completely healed and truly moved on. It could be pretty confusing for one or both of you otherwise, and it can definitely interfere with your ex's new partner. Right now I truly am friends with an ex who I dated 7 years ago, and even though we still talked a lot during previous years, it always interfered with our personal love life. I think we were only able to be friends again when both of us fell in love with other people (and I mean really fall in love, not just dating someone else). Try to stay away for a while, it's not really worth it trying to be friends right now. Link to comment
DN Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 another question, her birthday is coming up next month can i send her a birthday message by facebook?No, you should not for the reasons I gave before. Link to comment
Vegetable Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 another question, her birthday is coming up next month can i send her a birthday message by facebook? Yes, if it is a neutral message. If there are other intentions behind it don't do it. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 having read your other threads, you cannot be simply just friends with her cause you are still obsessed with her and she knows this too, so confronting her will do nothing but make you look like a fool and the birthday wish is a bad idea for the exact same reason....you do not sincerely want to be her friend, you want her back, give it time, leave her be and focus on yourself and not on her Link to comment
luminousone Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Piet, it is time to let go. She doesn't want to remain friends and you are having a difficult time accepting the end of this relationship. My advice- go back to NC. NC is a tool to help YOU heal. Do some nice things for yourself - get a haircut, go to the gym, take a class. Focus on healing and then meeting new people. Have your fond memories but do not contact her, do not show up on her doorstep, do not ask your friends about her, do block her on Facebook, do not answer any emails or texts, and you can tell your friends that you are going NC from now on so you can HEAL and move on. She is not coming back, and the sooner you accept it the sooner you will be able to move on and meet someone even better than her! You can do it, Piet! Link to comment
Piet Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 ok but since this is a getting back together forum, then if that might give me a chance to get her back in the future then i will listen to you guys and by the way i haven't talked to her for about a month. Link to comment
luminousone Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Piet, I want you to go back and re-read all of your threads. Read them as if it is someone else going through this. I bet you would also give them the advice to let go and move on, if it was someone else. Do not contact her for any reason- not birthdays not holidays, not any reason. And tell your sister that you no longer want your ex coming to your house so that you can heal. Link to comment
Piet Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 believe me guys i am trying so hard to move on, but there are a few things i need to get of my chest because i am feeling guilty for some ways that i have acted, thats why she is still running on my mind. i really hope she forgives me during time. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 you have to let go of the hope of getting back together, she has shown no interest in that at all, and you don't want just friendship, so your original question is not correct, she is in a relationship with someone else and you need to accept it and try to get over it, hard as it is.....you only hurt yourself more if you keep hoping for reconcilliation when she shows no interest in that whatsoever, so confronting her and telling her you only want to be her friend, while you post in the getting back together section, secretly hoping to get her back is a little off..... Link to comment
Piet Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 you caught me, your right i don't want to be just friends, i only wanted to be friends so that when she dumps her boyfriend i would be there for her. but my intentions werent to ruin her relationship Link to comment
luminousone Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 believe me guys i am trying so hard to move on, but there are a few things i need to get of my chest because i am feeling guilty for some ways that i have acted, thats why she is still running on my mind. i really hope she forgives me during time. Okay so here's what you do- you write a letter as if you were writing to her. Write it all out, and straight from the heart. Write it as many times as you need to. But DO NOT send it to her. Throw it out, burn it, etc You could actually post those letters here- there used to be a thread on here called Post Here Instead of Contacting Your Ex, or something like that. A great way to get it all off your chest. Piet, it is going to take some time and work on your part to begin the healing process. Many of us know, because we have been there! So trust us when we give you this advice because we've been down that road ourselves. You'll get there! Way to go on your one month of NC. Post here when you get tempted to break it. Link to comment
luminousone Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Okay this thread is from the Healing after Breakup section, which I highly recommend: Called Post Here Instead of Contacting Your Ex Link to comment
Piet Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 can i show you guys a video i made dedicated to her on our first year? i wanted to send her that video on her up coming birthday Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 do NOT send her a video!! best is to ignore her birthday altogether, that might make more of a statement than any video can......please do not make a fool of yourself, do not have her laugh at you, do not do this Link to comment
Piet Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 i wont but can i post the video in here? Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 i don't know if that is possible and allowed, if it shows her then you cannot do that Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 well my friends told me that my ex doesn't want to be my friend because she is afraid that i might ruin her relationship with the new guy, but if i confront her and promise her that i wont do such thing and all i want is us to be friends? how will that turn out? Not well. "Confronting" her with anything is a bad idea, partly because she has someone else, partly because she has said she doesn't want to be friends, but mainly because you do not just want to be friends. You are hoping to get her back. This is going to backfire on you; anything you do at this point is going to make the situation worse. She will see through your desire to be "friends" and see it as you trying to get back into her life as a boyfriend. And, her new guy is not going to like this, and it might end up in a confrontation with him. Do you really want that? Link to comment
bw92116 Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 She has moved on from you. Now you need to move on from her, for real. Don't feel guilty about anything in the past. You only did what was right for you at that moment. But now, it's time for you to move on from her and to stop thinking about her completely. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 another question, her birthday is coming up next month can i send her a birthday message by facebook? As someone who just did this a couple days ago (with a text instead of Facebook), no. Causes more stress than anything for both sides. Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.2d93ce2472f26b01a1e185382ba0b64e.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.