Is it time to break up?

[lunatrix]

I started dating my bf "officially" about a month ago, but we've been hanging out/doing bf/gf stuff since about July. We are both in college, but where he goes is about 2 hours away from me during the school year. He was the one that asked me to be his gf right before he went back to college, saying that he doesn't like distance but didn't want to lose me, so that's how we became "official".

 

Well everything has been good and wonderful up until a few days ago. Last weekend he said that we would probably be saying "I love you" soon but that he is waiting for me to say it first. I think it is way too soon to be saying I love you's, and I won't say that in a relationship until I feel it, so I jokingly told him that if he's waiting for me to say it first then he might be waiting for a little while.

 

We typically text a couple times a day and we'll talk on the phone maybe 2 or 3 times a week. We're both busy with work and school but he has a heavier schedule than me so I understand that he can't always be on the phone with me. Last time I saw him in person was 3 weeks ago. He kept telling me that he was coming home this weekend, that he couldn't wait to see me, how much he missed me, etc. But now, this whole past week almost, he has been acting different. He won't text me first, he won't call when he says he will, and he is very short with his answers if I do text him. It also takes him hours to text me back and his responses are becoming more sparingly as the days go by. Yesterday I asked him when he would be home, and hours later he responded that he was already home but couldn't do anything that night. That's all that I heard from him yesterday, which is very unlike him. I have left him alone because I don't want to annoy him and I'm hoping that there is a reason that he is acting like this. I don't want to jump to conclusions or start a fight. I just don't get why he's sending mixed signals, saying one day how badly he misses me and wants to see me, then he ignores me and is back in town but doesn't want to see me. I am not going to tolerate being ignored for days though, so if he is going to play games like that then I'm going to break up with him. I just don't want to tell him I want to break up and then find out that there was a family related issue or some legitimate reason why he was being distant. I just want to know why he is ignoring me and being distant now when he hasn't been like this before, I feel like I'm the one making the effort in the relationship and he could care less

 

So should I just give it a couple days before jumping to conclusions and breaking up with him? Or is this his way of saying that he's not into me and I should take the hint and break it off?

[RedDress]

I think that he's very into you but he feels rejected.

 

Different people have different takes on the whole "I love you" thing. Some people say it fast... some people take a long time to really figure out if they love the person and say it slow. Neither is right or wrong - they are just different approaches. But - if you are one to say it slow - you really have to make it very clear that you care for them deeply, that you want to be with them, that you care for them, etc. Actually - it's a bit of a buzz kill for fast people.

 

He's a wounded animal. I think you need to talk to him.

[Heather Dawn]

I think he was probably hurt by your response to his "I love you" conversation, and this is how he's showing it. You should ask him straight out what's wrong and see if he'll tell you; if not, ask him if this is related to that.

[DN]

I am not sure why he expects you to say it first and he should not be reacting as he is to your response. It wasn't the best response but his statement was out of left-field anyway.

 

He also should not be surprised that someone would not say they love him after only one month of dating.

 

Given the two points above - it may be too early to dump him but so far his behaviour is concerning. I suggest not contacting him and if he doesn't contact you then just move on. If he does - watch his actions and reactions very carefully. Don't be hustled into saying anything you really don't feel.

[lunatrix]

Thanks, guys. Looking back, I guess my response was a little harsh, but he and I have the same sense of humor and he didn't sound hurt when I told him that. I just didn't know how to respond to it. He is usually pretty emotionally distant, so I guess I didn't take his feelings into consideration so my fault on that. But, I'm not sure why he would be waiting for me to say it first unless he wants to say it but is fearful of me not saying it back yet. Also, he hasn't had a serious gf in years.. he is the player type, he even told me all this himself. Personally I haven't dated in a while either because normally I am too dependent and rushing into I love yous which has ruined several of my past relationships, and I do really like him but I don't want to rush things and screw it up. I am planning on calling him later to see if he'll talk