When should I contact her?

[markie6]

You do realise she is in total control of this situation ? I am not sure you get that... Mirror her contact , try not to talk about what you think you want to talk about.... let her initiate the conversation and do not push

 

Try and keep your ego from causing any more problems , good luck... we allways want people to be happy and get what they want. Like many here you seem set on your course and only want to hear what you want to hear

 

but.. I hope you end up happy, and she is happy too

[Shane Falco]

And what will happen from there on?

 

No one knows, but you'll have a lot better chance at success if you take that approach. It's not a guarantee, but the route you were going was a guaranteed failure. I'd rather have a chance at reconciliation than be guaranteed failure, wouldn't you?

[Someone1]

You do realise she is in total control of this situation ? I am not sure you get that... Mirror her contact , try not to talk about what you think you want to talk about.... let her initiate the conversation and do not push

 

Try and keep your ego from causing any more problems , good luck... we allways want people to be happy and get what they want. Like many here you seem set on your course and only want to hear what you want to hear

 

but.. I hope you end up happy, and she is happy too

 

Thanks, yeah I might do that, mirror the conversation, but what kind of effect will that have on her? What will she then think?

[Someone1]

No one knows, but you'll have a lot better chance at success if you take that approach. It's not a guarantee, but the route you were going was a guaranteed failure. I'd rather have a chance at reconciliation than be guaranteed failure, wouldn't you?

 

Maybe yes, I just want to keep it real that's all. And show her I still care, but that I can't approve of what she is doing.

[markie6]

She will think you are being respectful and when she wants to talk about you two , if she does then go easy. You are not I repeat NOT in the drivers seat... leave the topic of you two...unless she initiates out of it. Keeo it light like it was in the beginning , don't remind her of anything about the end.

Thanks, yeah I might do that, mirror the conversation, but what kind of effect will that have on her? What will she then think?

[Shane Falco]

Maybe yes, I just want to keep it real that's all. And show her I still care, but that I can't approve of what she is doing.

 

This is more reason for you to not initiate contact, because you don't seem to have a clue of what you want. Do you want this girl, or do you want a girl who is going to act in a way you deem acceptable. And the answer "both" is not a viable one -- it's not fair for you to try to change people.

[Vegetable]

Maybe yes, I just want to keep it real that's all. And show her I still care, but that I can't approve of what she is doing.

 

Sorry to keep telling you this. Really, as a woman who is trying to get her ex boyfriend back and has read a lot and has been given a lot of advice and has seen different points of view and has analyzed the different outcomes after applying certain approaches... Stop with the "I can't approve".

 

You are not her father, or her owner. If you disapprove... Guess what? She's going to leave you for real. If you are not willing to see things her way, or to be humble and try to better yourself, this whole thing is 100% destined to failure and there is no doubt, and I'm really sorry to say it.

 

If you want things to have a good ending, you have to keep a positive approach.

[Someone1]

She will think you are being respectful and when she wants to talk about you two , if she does then go easy. You are not I repeat NOT in the drivers seat... leave the topic of you two...unless she initiates out of it. Keeo it light like it was in the beginning , don't remind her of anything about the end.

 

That is exactly what I'm going to do, and that was my intention with the last conversation we had today.

 

But what do I say when she starts to bring up the topic of us two? Or mention the break up?

[Someone1]

This is more reason for you to not initiate contact, because you don't seem to have a clue of what you want. Do you want this girl, or do you want a girl who is going to act in a way you deem acceptable. And the answer "both" is not a viable one -- it's not fair for you to try to change people.

 

I don't know to a 100% If I want this girl, especially not after this, but I am willing to give it another chance because we do have a bond together that is strong and worth finding out if it will work.

[markie6]

That is exactly what I'm going to do, and that was my intention with the last conversation we had today.

 

But what do I say when she starts to bring up the topic of us two? Or mention the break up?

 

 

You work out what you did wrong first , what she did wrong... because this all reads as totaly incompatible to me. I hope I am wrong.. I really do .... You will have to react carefuly to what she says....

[Someone1]

Sorry to keep telling you this. Really, as a woman who is trying to get her ex boyfriend back and has read a lot and has been given a lot of advice and has seen different points of view and has analyzed the different outcomes after applying certain approaches... Stop with the "I can't approve".

 

You are not her father, or her owner. If you disapprove... Guess what? She's going to leave you for real. If you are not willing to see things her way, or to be humble and try to better yourself, this whole thing is 100% destined to failure and there is no doubt, and I'm really sorry to say it.

 

If you want things to have a good ending, you have to keep a positive approach.

 

My approach will be positive, but I won't lie to myself and her by saying that I approve of her behaviour, everyone thinks what she has done is wrong, she is delusional to think otherwise i'm trying to help her as well, to get a better perspective on how thing works.

 

You don't diss your boyfriend for a male friend because he is a close friend to you that is just some bull****! She was under pressure and her true sides came out, she screamed at me and told me to leave, I didn’t do anything of course, I just wanted to talk to her, but she was all in panic n sh*t and even threatened to call the police on me.

 

I left with her mom cried later in front of her telling her this is not okay, your daughter can not do this, she then said, let her have male friends, I then told her she won’t let me have female friends, her mom then realized how stupid her daughter was.

 

She then called me and yelled at me to leave (we were outside the house) I left with her mom, I then got a text saying it was over, and that she would call the police If I came near her again.

 

She then later on during the 2 hour phone convo we had on Tuesday told me that I had made her decision much easier after threatening to beat up the guy and showing up when she didn’t want me to go there. And that he gave her emotional support, meaning that I should have been there instead. ***!!? She kicked me out!

 

I told her the reason she reacted as she reacted was because she had emotionally invested her feelings in him and now that I had threatened him she felt threatened, she didn’t know what to say.

[Someone1]

You work out what you did wrong first , what she did wrong... because this all reads as totaly incompatible to me. I hope I am wrong.. I really do .... You will have to react carefuly to what she says....

 

Yeah i'll try to talk it over, but I won't give myself over to her, she would have to apologize and realize what she has done is wrong. Honestly the more I think about the more I realize how screwed up this girls is and how I shoulden't be with her. She got nice sides though.

[Someone1]

Honestly right now it just hurts thinking about her, what she is doing and who she is with, I don't know anything about her, It's so heart aching and painful, I understand why NC is something to establish sometimes to try to get rid of her from you’re life because you can't have her, but I just don't want to lose her all completely I just feel so disappointed and angry right now, I don't want to wait for her to figure things out I want to know now if she wants me or not!

 

I don't understand how she hast can gave the guts to treat me like this and still talk to me as if everything was normal.

 

We used to talk everyday we shared everything, now she’s almost like a stranger to me to and it hurts!

 

I don’t know what to do anymore

[Vegetable]

Don't do anything. The moment you understand you have to stop contacting her you'll feel better. Keep yourself busy and stop thinking about it. There's not much you can do right now. Give it a few days at least, give her time for herself, and yourself.

[Someone1]

Don't do anything. The moment you understand you have to stop contacting her you'll feel better. Keep yourself busy and stop thinking about it. There's not much you can do right now. Give it a few days at least, give her time for herself, and yourself.

 

It's really hard, I want to send her a goodnight text saying "I just wanted to say good night" but I don't know how she will take it.

 

She is not the type that don't like to communicate, this is not normal. What will happen if I do that? She was always the one to text me and talk to me, I miss her so bad

 

I don't want her to think I don't care, because I do, she was always afraid of me not caring enough about her, I want to prove to her I still care.

[Vegetable]

It's really hard, I want to send her a goodnight text saying "I just wanted to say good night" but I don't know how she will take it.

 

She is not the type that don't like to communicate, this is not normal. What will happen if I do that? She was always the one to text me and talk to me, I miss her so bad

 

I don't want her to think I don't care, because I do, she was always afraid of me not caring enough about her, I want to prove to her I still care.

 

Look, my boyfriend broke up with me about 15 days ago. He bought a new smartphone so we could text each other at all times and have no limits. Hell, he used to live 45 minutes away and he decided to rent an apartment 10 minutes away from me to be closer. I even helped him choose it. Point is, he used to text me as soon as he woke up, he used to text me when he got in his car to go to work, he texted me when he got to work. He'd text me during every break he found. We told each other every single thing that happened to us during the day.

 

Believe me, it was so hard not being able to tell him good morning and good night. It still is. But you have to look at it in a different way. Take your break up as an opportunity to understand yourself, to get to know you better. To see what your mistakes have been, and how can you improve yourself either for her or the next woman that appears in your life.

 

I understand you say it's not normal for her, or you, you know, not talking all the time. But break ups happen for a reson, the dumper needs space for himself. So again, try to keep yourself busy. I don't know, grab a book or something and stay away from the thought. Turn your phone off if you must.

 

Once you're past the first few days with NC everything will become easier, and you'll be able to decide whether you actually want her or not.

[Someone1]

It's been 10 days, I thought I could forget about her, I was busy all week with work and it worked, but when the weekend came I felt the loneliness and since no one of my friends were in town this weekend I coulden't do anything with them either...I just don't get it why does a person need space? Why do they have to create a break up? What kind of love is that? That's some bs, if I feelt that way about someone I would have just broke up or better I woulden't have gone into a relationship with them in the first place, because I am that aware of myself. But some people are real cowards and it just makes me angry!

 

It feels like the only way I can forget about her is if i stop seeing her as something special, that I would just disappear from her life all together but i'm not just strong enough for that and it feels like I will regret later down the road so I won't do it either. So what am I left with? The option to ignore her and still be there for her when she want's to talk and that's just makes me so dissapointed and angry.

 

Btw why did you two break up?

[markie6]

Nc isn't a trick to get them back or a way to hurt somebody. It is for damage control so arguments dont escalate and people don't push each other further away than they want. You try and take control back from the person who decided they didn't want you. Even if they are unsure , pestering them will not help you. We always want to know how they are , what they are doing and who they are with but their choice is made.

 

If we let them cool down and have a think about what they want without us blowing up their email , phone or Facebook we get their respect for accepting their choice. All this time , we also use to think and work out what we want without them getting angrier with us or vice versa. Chances are we will all see things clearer. Now a time might come when communication takes place , without the anger kicking in.

 

This is the plan. So if she wants you, she will let you know. In the mean time you also think what's best for you. Calm it down and accept you have no control. Prepare yourself for bad news and if it's good news it's a bonus. Nobody knows at the moment what is going to happen , maybe she doesn't know either and that's why pushing might kill your chances

[Someone1]

Wise words thanks, It just feels like I don't have the patience to wait and I'm honestly thinking whether or not this NC is making things worse since I am only feeding a behaviour she dislikes, deep inside maybe she wants me to reach out? And she is testing me to if I really care about her? Has that ever happened to anyone?

[Vegetable]

He broke up with me for a series of reasons. I was dealing with a lot and I let all my frustrations out on him, getting mad at everything. He has to deal with a lot of things, most importantly his 8 year old daughter and being bothered by his ex wife. His only way out was to break up to deal with his issues kn his own. It's been pretty hard on both of us, but this time apart is helping us. So believe me, even if it sounds like NC will make things worse it really gives time to both of you to get better and grow.

[Shane Falco]

Wise words thanks, It just feels like I don't have the patience to wait and I'm honestly thinking whether or not this NC is making things worse since I am only feeding a behaviour she dislikes, deep inside maybe she wants me to reach out? And she is testing me to if I really care about her? Has that ever happened to anyone?

 

I'm one of the most impatient people I know. No contact is counter-intuitive to every impulse I have. I see a problem, I fix it. But love, emotions, relationships don't work like that. I've learned that the hard way in the past. I've done what you wanted to do with the exact same thought processes you have and made things completely unfixable. And it's not because I was acting like a *******. But I've also had no contact situations that went from horrible to friendly and even flirty. I didn't know what no contact was at the time, but the situations were so toxic that I had no choice in my mind but to break contact. After several months in both situations all the anger was gone from both sides. I even had a chance to get back together with one of them but chose not to. That girl, who was a co-worker and even tried to get me in trouble with HR at work because things were so bad, is a Facebook friend of mine to this day.

 

You can't guess at what a girl wants. It's a lose-lose situation, especially when emotions are involved. When she wants you to be part of the equation, she'll let you know. Until then, work on making yourself better.

[Vegetable]

I'm one of the most impatient people I know. No contact is counter-intuitive to every impulse I have. I see a problem, I fix it.

 

I'm the same way. It's so hard to go NC when you are so in love, because your whole being is telling you to pretty much grab that person by the shoulders and shake them so hard that they see things your way. But it doesn't work like that (sadly haha).

 

Time apart will let your and her emotions cool down. If both of you feel like reconciliation is the way to go you'll be able to work on that once all those bad emotions have gone away. But right now you just don't know what will happen. Try to stay calm, lay down and try to blank your mind. Let some peace come in your soul.

[Someone1]

I'm afraid that by the time she decides to want to be with me I will have been so angry about the situation and so resentful that I won't take her back, I'm already feeling it right now, it's not right she can't diss me like this and then expect me to just take her back when she wants that only means she never loved me to begin with.

 

So I don't know, i'm seriously starting to think I should just diss her, especially because she is playing the victim role in this when she was the one who did the break up and being selfish about it since she feels she thinks she is the one having to make the tough decisions as If I don't have anything to say about it. **** that i'm through with this ****.

[Someone1]

I just disabled my facebook account for a while, I can't stand to see her online and be so neglective, I'm probably checking her profile 50 times a day I'm going crazy just thinking about her, I can't keep going like this, I'm not ready to delete her yet but eventually I know I will have to if it continues this way.

[Shane Falco]

I'm afraid that by the time she decides to want to be with me I will have been so angry about the situation and so resentful that I won't take her back, I'm already feeling it right now, it's not right she can't diss me like this and then expect me to just take her back when she wants that only means she never loved me to begin with.

 

So I don't know, i'm seriously starting to think I should just diss her, especially because she is playing the victim role in this when she was the one who did the break up and being selfish about it since she feels she thinks she is the one having to make the tough decisions as If I don't have anything to say about it. **** that i'm through with this ****.

 

If you are resentful, why would you want to take her back? Honestly the more I read your responses, the more it seems like you and her are completely incompatible. I think avoiding her on Facebook is probably for the best -- your head seems pretty scrambled right now.