my ex boyfriend.... advice please

[idkxxx]

Okay this will be really long but please read because I need advice!

 

I just got out of a almost a year relationship a month ago. It was and up and down relationship but we were each others first loves and we really did love each other. He had some problems that caused a lot of problems for us. He would lie all the time about stupid things, even things that really were so pointless. He'd take his anger out on me or be mean to be then later say he was just in a mood or something. We'd be good for a while but we would fight a lot due to trust issues and my insecurity issues because of that. I had my friends, family tell me I could do better, I even had his family tell me I could do better. What changed was when he moved out, and I met his friends and they even said 'I don't know how he can talk to you how he does, etc, you deserve better, etc'. That's what kind of caused me to push away. I pushed away for about two weeks when we ended up breaking up because he said he knew it wasn't the same for me and I agreed.

 

I was okay at first. The first week of our break up we tried to stay friends, I came over a few times but he would always ignore me or just sit in another room. He was hurting. Then the second week it all started to hit me, we ended up meeting up to talk and we both said how we missed each other etc and that we would try and see if we could fix things. One of our agreements was no lying and we wouldn't have girls/boys involved either. That lasted about a day when he went and got high and ignored me the entire time, but was talking to other girls. We had an argument and ended it again, and he told me he wanted this just not yet and he wanted to be single and everything. That weekend I tried to be friendly but he just spoke to me like I was nothing. I would try to have a conversation but he'd reply like he hated me. I ended up blocking and deleting him and doing no contact because it was too hard. He seemed to have really moved on. That third week was hard but I stuck to it. He ended up contacting me at the end of the week because he thought I had hooked up with his friend and we had a huge fight about it. I didn't. We ended up having a civil conversation at the end where he said he wasn't completely over it, but that he didn't know if he could ever have feelings for me again or be with me again ever. That hurt so bad. We talked a few times after that, mostly friendly. He still wasn't really making the same amount of effort though. Last Monday we were texting nicely, when he randomly stopped replying, then later sent me a message on facebook (I ended up adding him again after that day he called me) saying that he would lose all respect for me if I got with this guy who liked one of my photos. Then he didn't reply after that. That really angered me because the guy who liked it was a good friend of mine, nothing was or ever will happen, and my ex is chatting up girls who are pot heads and drop kicks so he really can't judge. Anyway, the next day I just felt like I couldn't do this. I sent him a huge message, basically a letter, explaining everything and saying that I know deep down he is a good person etc. It was really meaningful. He didn't reply, but I didn't really expect him too. Then yesterday I cracked. I don't know why but I wanted so badly to see him. I asked if he wanted to hang out but he said he had plans, he's plans were to go and get stoned with that chick and her friend. I asked if he wanted to do something today and he was just like 'I'll message you tomorrow'. I know for a fact he wouldn't have, or at least I was going to be a last resort for if he couldn't get high or had nothing better to do.

 

I finally got mad which I hadn't really felt yet. I messaged him asking him when he will ever talk to me normally or anything. He ignored that. That's when I just lost it and completely went off. I told him how worthless he made me feel and how I hope he feels bad one day blah blah blah. It looked pretty immature the way I said it all, but I knew he'd get the point. I then blocked and deleted him again. I feel like part of me spoke to him yesterday, knowing he would be rude and then snapping just SO i could have a reason to delete him again and get him completely out of my life. I don't know.

 

He used to do pot a fair bit before we got together, and when we started dating he stopped doing it all and dropped all the ****. He use to say how much better he felt and how much better he was doing at work because of it and how he didn't even have an urge to do it again. Pretty much as soon as we broke up he got back on it, and now he does it almost every day.

 

I don't understand how he can just not have me in his life so easily, and how it doesn't effect him. Through our relationship and after the break up, I've always ran back. It's always been me. I know right now he probably expects me to start talking to him again soon anyway. I'm hoping that by me sticking to this he actually thinks 'oh wow I must have hurt her that she hasn't come back' or something like that.

 

I really want him to hurt. and to realize all the things I did for him and what he had for me. One part of me thinks it'll never happen, and that he just will never ever care. Then the other part thinks that once all this novelty wears off and it all calms down the reality of me being gone will hit him. I honestly don't know which one will happen. I still love him, a lot. I miss him everyday. It hurts me more because I guess I should be the okay one since I was the one who got treated badly, and he should be the one upset. I guess it doesn't work that way. I'm scared I'll never move on from him or I'll never be okay. I can't explain the emptiness I feel without him.

 

Any advice, or stories would be appreciated.

 

Sorry if I sound pathetic haha!

[DN]

He doesn't sound as if he is invested in the relationship and you undoubtedly could do better.

 

But a good rule is to never break up with someone unless you mean it.

[Keykey]

In my early relationship there were fights and whenever I want the break up or that I pissed off he always made an effort to win me back, and yes I love him and we love eachother. Now things changed, he changed to be the person I dont recognized and all of sudden he tells me he dont have the same feeling as I am. He used to say "i love you" every single day and everytime we speak now ALL that are gone!!!! I run back to him and make an effort to make things works but he just let down.

 

I am sound as pathetic as you are for running to him and feeling he should be the one that hurt, not me! its been a hell of a week for me and I really want him back in my life

[idkxxx]

At the time I did want the break up, I felt like I knew it was the right thing. And even now when I'm okay, I know that whether or not we ever get back together, he needs to be single and get it all out of his system before he can truly change. So I guess I don't regret the break up at all. I just miss him and it hurts that he seems so happy and fine when I'm not. That's why I'm hoping once it all settles down it will finally hit him.

[needygf]

At the time I did want the break up, I felt like I knew it was the right thing. And even now when I'm okay, I know that whether or not we ever get back together, he needs to be single and get it all out of his system before he can truly change. So I guess I don't regret the break up at all. I just miss him and it hurts that he seems so happy and fine when I'm not. That's why I'm hoping once it all settles down it will finally hit him.

 

Same same. I'm okay most of the time, but sometimes it hits me that he's doing fine without me and maybe he's probably already forgotten me. It hurts me so much to just imagine one day we'll be total stranger.

[idkxxx]

Yeah that's the worst! Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually okay, and that I know I can move on, but the point of him not caring at all makes me feel like I'm so stuck. Like, I wonder if he was hurting like me, upset like me and missing me, if I would actually still feel like I want him back or not. Then I get how I am now, where I feel like I just wish he would come back and try again, but I don't know.