I just need a place to empty my brain..

[xAvenged7x]

I just wrote a very large post, for about and hour and a half. My laptop ****ed up and its gone. The post said everything ive felt since I was 14.. Whats the point in writing it all out again?

 

Im 17.

 

I basically said theres 3 rules to my life.

1. Im not allowed to be happy.

2. Im not allowed to have anything good in my life.

3. I can and WILL **** something up. And that applies to everything I do. Everything.

 

My life sucks, I put my trust in a girl twice and she almost made me kill myself twice, blah blah blah.

My gf now doesnt care about me. No bday/christmas gifts. We hung out twice in a year and a half. Her dad doesnt know about me. She promises me stuff all the time and then breaks those promises.

My parents hate me and make fun of me.

 

If you wanna know anything, ill write it out in a reply. Not here, again...

 

Basically, I dont have the will to live anymore. I cant do it. Ive fought for so long to be happy, but it was all worthless and just left me broken and depressed. I have nothing to live for anymore. Theres nothing in my life that makes me happy. My gf and I have been in a fight for a very long, 3 months, wth no end in sight.. Please dont tell me to break up with her. I want to love her! I wanna show her how much I can love her, but she wont let me! She refuses to hang out with me. Can you believe we've hung out twice in a year and a half? Twice! Other than the 50 minutes at lunch time where we sit in the hallway and talk. (I stopped doing that long ago, so we never see each other.)

 

I cant live anymore, I cant do it. I dont have the willpower or the mental strength to go on. But I have to, because you know why? I CANT commit suicide. I cant. I couldnt bring myself to do it. I keep thinking about how some people would be kinda sad, like my sister. I HAVE to live this pain, and truthfully, i think thats a lot worse than death..

 

Please dont say "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" because remember, im not allowed to be happy. Ever.

 

How can I be happy again? I miss feeling happiness so much..... I wanna die so badly. I cant take it anymore. I just cant stand being me, i cant stand waking up in the morning, i cant stand living. I cant do it anymore. Its too much...

[crbelectrical]

mate trust me its ur age. every1 including me felt like that at 17. what u do next will dertimine where ur life takes u. i lost a girl n my mum at that age ****ed up and whent jail. im 28 now and married to the most sexiest honest caring person i ever met. i never thought it would happen. hang on in there

[chitown9]

 

I basically said theres 3 rules to my life.

1. Im not allowed to be happy.

 

 

 

Please dont say "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" because remember, im not allowed to be happy. Ever.

 

 

It sounds like you made some drastic rules for yourself. It is no wonder that you are so unhappy. it would be a good idea to need to give your rules some consideration. Are they reasonable, really? ....chi

[Capricorn3]

Who says you're not allowed to be happy? WHY are you not allowed to be happy? There are no rules in the world which say people are "not allowed" to be happy.

 

I strongly recommend professional counselling/therapy.

[xAvenged7x]

Who says you're not allowed to be happy? WHY are you not allowed to be happy? There are no rules in the world which say people are "not allowed" to be happy.

 

I strongly recommend professional counselling/therapy.

 

Nobody said it, I just finally figured it out.

Im not allowed because whenever something good shows up in my life that makes me happy, it just gets taken away after ive gotten a little taste of it.