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To A Stranger...

 

 

Many years ago, I did not recognize the person in the mirror. The reflection seemed almost transparent as if I could see right through it. I did not want to see myself as “broken” though my heart knew the truth despite my brain telling me that it isn’t really over. You can hide from your friends, family and sometimes co-workers but you can’t hide from yourself. This is a tough pill to swallow because no one wants to feel vulnerable. When your heart has been broken, you have to find once again what was originally you. You have spent so much time, love and energy with someone you wanted to share your life with that emotions can hold your heart hostage if you let them.

 

Despite your situation, there is always a ray of hope. Even on the cloudiest of days, light always finds a way to penetrate the gloomy skies. Growing up, my parents would tell me I would fall in love someday and find the “one for me”. What they didn’t tell me is that sometimes life has a way of throwing you a curve ball. Just when you think you found the one that makes your heart smile, in an instant it can be taken away from you. No one ever tells you that the one you love can have a change of heart or find another. You tend to hold onto the thoughts of “what did I do that made them want to leave?” We tend to want to blame ourselves because it hurts to much to even consider the thought of the one you love having a change of heart or finding someone else that swept their heart away.

 

One of the lessons I learned years ago is that no matter how down your feel. No matter how much your heart is breaking…realize that you will feel better. Does anyone know how to instantly feel better? Is finding someone else to fill the void, alcohol or drugs the answer? Absolutely not!! No one wants to hurt but understand that with time, patience and self-understanding you will start to feel better. “Patience is a virtue.” If you can remain level-headed and do your best not to let your emotions get the best of you, you will slowly start to understand that the world doesn’t stop because your heart is broken. The truth is, you stopped. I’ve been there. I didn’t want to be forced into not loving my ex. I wanted to blame myself for the breakup. I refused to stop loving her though she stopped loving me. To be truthful, love switches roles. No one wants to feel as if they were 2nd best…or even 3rd. Who wants to feel replaced? The feeling of rejection can be devastating if you let it get the best of you. The key is to understand that you are not worthless but worthy. Despite your heart feeling empty or numb, those feelings will fade once your find your confidence again. It’s there. It’s just tucked away and shadowed by the feelings of loneliness and rejection.

 

I wish there was something I could do to help you understand that you are worthy of being loved. I do what I can to help those that feel as if no one cares. I know what it is like first hand, like so many people out there, what it is like to feel the way you do. It took me months to figure out how to dig myself out of the hole in my heart and once I found the self-confidence, I refused to look back. Writing has helped me through the years because it forces me to put my emotions on paper and it helps me organize my own thoughts and patterns of the emotional rollercoaster we have all ridden at one time or another. One of the biggest pieces of advice I can give you is don’t live in the past. If you are down and out, know that it is ok. The key is not to STAY down. You have to figure out how to pick yourself up and realize that just because someone left you doesn’t mean they took YOU with them. You were single way before you met them. I know you had many months or years with them but our lives have many chapters. Sometimes we write our own but sometime life (circumstance) writes them for us. We have to learn to adapt despite a bit of kicking and screaming along the way. Just because we can’t see the future doesn’t mean we can change it. We can either sit and do nothing or we can do what we can to change our lives and circumstances for self-betterment. No one is worth losing you over. Love will always prevail but understand that once love is taken away, you must learn to love yourself. You have to stop your toxic thinking that make you believe you are worthless because the love of your life walked out the door. I know it feels that way right now but it could not be farther from the truth.

 

Do you remember how you feel when you see dark clouds off in the distance on a beautiful, spring day? Besides the instance thought that rain is near, darker emotions can cover the happiness just like the storm clouds can cover the sun. We have to have the rain for the flowers to bloom. Out of the darkness comes the light. Just understand it may not be on your time but I promise you it will come. I can remember when I finally started to feel better that I preferred the sunshine instead of drowning out the sun in order for my current emotions to match the interior of my apartment. I am guilty as charged but I didn’t know how to feel better. I wanted to pick up a book or take a class or get that perfect bit of advice that say “Heck yeah, that was the answer I was looking for” but it didn’t happen. What did happen was that I looked deep within myself and found….well…simple enough, I found me. I hated the thought of being alone but that was only my dark veil of sadness covering the truth. I had my family and my close friends to listen and help me along the way. Why do so many of us come here? We come here to help one another and offer advice to those that might be going through the same thing. Know that you are not alone. You are NOT an exception. If you want to feel better…you will and most certain can.

 

“Let your heart not be troubled”.

 

Today is a new day. To those out there with a broken heart, I want to listen to me. Listen carefully. You are someone who is worthy of love. You are someone who is not only beautiful but confident and worthy of all the happiness and love that life has to offer. Do your best to let go of all negativity despite your current situation and understand you were not created to feel sad or broken hearted. Know that there are people, even strangers like me, who are here to do what they can to comfort you. I am just a simple guy in Tennessee that understands how you might be feeling. Many of us here have felt your current pain but please understand that this too shall pass. Pain is just weakness leaving the body. I am here if you need me. Find the power within yourself to lift your chin and your spirit and know that your sun is coming. The darkness and sad feelings will fade in time. Do what you can to learn from your past experiences and love yourself one again.

 

I wish you all the happiness and love life has to offer.

 

-SuperDave71

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi SuperDave.. Hope you are doing well. I have just joined this website after reading all of your posts which are very inspiring and helpful. I just cannot seem to find the way to send you a PM somehow. The reason is that I would like to tell you my story as well as your opinion on applying the no contact rule. Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks in advance!

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You can send him a PM by clicking on his user name. That will take you to his profile page. From there you can PM him.

 

As for No Contact, it's that simple. NO CONTACT. No online, not by phone, not by smoke signal. Nothing. Stay away from the person that wants you to stay away. Not to trick them into coming back, but out of respect for their wishes, and so you both can get some space for emotions to settle. If you ignore their request to have space then you will drive them away further and faster, and ultimately show them that you don't respect what they've asked for.

 

 

 

 

Hi SuperDave.. Hope you are doing well. I have just joined this website after reading all of your posts which are very inspiring and helpful. I just cannot seem to find the way to send you a PM somehow. The reason is that I would like to tell you my story as well as your opinion on applying the no contact rule. Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks in advance!
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You can send him a PM by clicking on his user name. That will take you to his profile page. From there you can PM him.

 

As for No Contact, it's that simple. NO CONTACT. No online, not by phone, not by smoke signal. Nothing. Stay away from the person that wants you to stay away. Not to trick them into coming back, but out of respect for their wishes, and so you both can get some space for emotions to settle. If you ignore their request to have space then you will drive them away further and faster, and ultimately show them that you don't respect what they've asked for.

 

 

Thanks FreeFallFeelin for you response... I have gone through all of the 230 pages of this thread and I know what you mean. It is just that I haven't found a similar story to my situation which might cause some rejection from the other people posting. In fact I have cheated on my girlfriend while we were in sort of a break up period and she found out. We met each other 1,5 years ago after both moving to a foreign country (Spain) to work for the same company.

 

Not only did we fall in love actually immeadiately.. we were also colleagues and part of the same team. Due to the fact we started a relationship immediately after moving into a foreign country without knowing anyone and only spent time with each other ever since.. we haven't really made any social contacts.

 

To make a long story short; we spent a lot of time together.. supported each other in the new environment and the new job and were literally together day in day out 24 hours. We had our ups and downs, sometimes broke up but then came back together.

 

Due to reorganization in the company i have lost my job since 1,5 months but she is still working there. For the same amount of time we were not really together but still saw each other. Then, 1,5 weeks ago i slept with another woman and she found out. She came to my house telling me that she knew and was devestated, hurt and smashed a lot of bottles and glasses to eventually leave saying that she wished I was dead. She also said that she turned down a couple of invitations of other guys the past weeks because that didn't feel right to her.

 

I have hurt her so much... and I am feeling very bad about what I did. I am not in contact with the other girl anymore and it was something that happened once and had no importance to me. I am now feeling that I have lost one of my best firends, girlfriend and support in my life.. especially after all we have gone through together during these 1,5 half years together in this foreign country.

 

I know I am a jerk... and cheating is something which can never be forgiven... but I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart and I am not sure if this ' no contact rule' applies to this particular situation.. Anyhow, I have been NC for 6 days now... 7 tomorrow.. and I am missing her. The fact that I hurt her, disappointed her and the image of the look in her eyes when she told me she found out is killing me...

 

That's kind of the essence of my story.. thanks again for your response!

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SuperDave - You are one the best supporters in ENA. I remember a few years ago when I came here completely broken and a lot of your threads helped me get through that time. To this day, your advice remains in my head. I'm glad to see you are still around as your words and presence bring a familiar sense of comfort and calm.

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  • 2 weeks later...

SuperDave! I'm so happy to see you back. I have been on the forum for a week or so and I have seen some very awakening but older post from you and was wondering if you or Major23 would come back. I hope things are very well in your life and even though we are all strangers we all seem to have something in common even if only united in difficult times.

Thank you for this recent post of yours. I so want to believe that it will get better and pain will go away and I'm working on strengthening my faith. It's only been 4 weeks since my BU but it feels like 5 years and I"m wondering why I'm still not feeling better. I have to keep reminding myself to give myself time and, as you said, be patient with myself.

Some interesting things stuck with my through some reading materials: when you're on the airplane and you hit turbulance what choice do you have but to ride it out... So all we can do is to ride this turbulance of our life out. That's all. Easier said than done, of course.

Another one is that when you're driving on the fog, you can't see 2 feet in front of you but slowly fog fades away and you start seeing more and more road in front of us. So poetic and true yet so hard to put into your own life when your heart has been ripped out and stabbed with a knife and walked away from...

Major23's post on NC has been a life saver to me. If I haven't found it when I found it I don't know that I would have made it. At least I wouldn't have made it with self dignity, for sure.

It's so sad to me, as you mentioned that we have to be forced to stop loving... May be I'm just a hopeless romantic. Life is harsher than that? IDK.

But thank you for this uplifting post. We are all worth it. You can't give up on yourself just because someone else has given up on you!

Much love to all!!!

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The mindset I'm in right now is one of positivity for the most part, The past 2 days have been rocky, I've started to miss her so much again, so much so I contacted her best friend (she's on my side) just to kind of release this almost overwhelming sense of hurt by telling her what's been going on with myself in the 5 weeks since we split.

 

But like I say, for the most part I'm positive and excited about opertunities coming up. I have reason to be, I do not NEED anybody and lead a very fufilling life, but it still doesn't remove the hurt from not being with her. When your day is all said and done and your lying there at night, you turn and she's no longer looking at you smiling...

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The legend of ena is back!

Great to hear your wise and helpful words again to all of us going through the crap of a BU.

When i first came here i was a total mess but your words of wisdom helped me no end.

I just wish i could of followed your advice from day 1 as since i have implemented it for the last 3 month's i feel 1000 times better and have taken all the power my ex had over me back.

Thankyou so much Superdave.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 5 months later...
Hi all.... Many thanks to you all for NOT replying to my story. Including SuperDave.. I wish you all the best.

 

And thanks again..

 

 

BetterMan

 

I am sorry that you felt neglected. Since your story is about you cheating on your girlfriend. Have you tried reaching out to her, doing everything you can do win her back? It's really hard since cheating is a break of trust, it's really hard on her when you broke that trust. So reach out to her but if she wants space, you have to give her space. If you really want to be with her again, you need to not give up and just hope one day she can forgive you and take you back.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

I'm fairly new to this forum, but I have read some of your threads. You are a very wise person. I wish I would of known this stuff before and be a much stronger person by now. You are right that hope is what keeps us striving for a better day. You are also right that the world keeps on moving. The only person that stop is the one heartbroken. I read this quote awhile back and thought it was a pretty nice quote. " In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: IT GOES ON" by Robert Frost. Nothing is better than life experience. Thank you superdave

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