brickheart Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Hey, everyone. I came accross a really, really solid article that I think everyone should read after being broken up with. A lot of these points hit home with me, and after being on this forum for a few months now, I think they will hit home for a lot of you! Hopefully this article will help you all pick yourselves up after your breakup and repair your dignity and move on. Please read the article and let me know what you think. And please, for your own sake, follow the advice in it! (I say this with great affection.) Follow the linklink removed to read "10 Core Breakup Boundaries that Every Person Should Live By."
lilypadgirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Really great article. Thanks! Here's another good one: link removed
brickheart Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Glad to share! For me, #4 especially stood out because my ex sent me some breadcrumbs yesterday... and I've noticed a LOT of people trying to pretend #3 isn't 100% true. ETA: I like the inverted quotes 'check in' part... My ex just sent me a message 'checking' in on me last week. Funny, I didn't know I needed to be checked in on me when we're not going out any more and we're (according to you) not friends at this juncture, either.
quirky Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Thank you for posting this, the writing is so direct and straight to the point. I relate particularly to 8 ' I will not punish myself for the breakup by neglecting me or doing stuff that is essentially me acting without love, care, trust, and respect towards myself.' I have kept feeling that I've done something wrong and therefore punishing myself. Also denying his behaviour. I do feel a bit better and freer lately but it really helped reading this
pnoy Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Two great articles anymore please certainlty makes you think
SuzieQue Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I like the fact that the article calls the break-up a red flag.. I've honestly never thought of it that way. It also works for rejection, if you're not in a relationship but have been dating someone and they suddenly don't want to see you anymore. That would have saved me so much grief a year ago
brickheart Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Me too! I also like how she mentions basically two possibilities, and both of them are a red flag - either the person has truly put thought into it and no longer wants to work on the relationship, or is playing a game, and why would you want to be with that kind of person anyway?
mhowe Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 This should be required reading when you sign into ENA!!!!!
peaches08 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Great and timely article since I was dumped at 5 am Tuesday morning. I'm so proud of myself that I did #1 right from the start. One of the things I've recognized for the last few months in this 2.5 year relationship is how far down my self esteem actually got. I'm going to miss the "him" I knew when he was being good to me, but I won't miss his daily alcohol intake, porn addiction, verbal and recently physical abuse. I won't miss being made to feel sexually inadequate because he's sexually frustrated. I won't miss him making fun of me intellectually when he himself, a journalism major, can't freakin' spell. I won't miss having to encourage him to take a freakin' shower for crying out loud. I won't miss the arguments and b*llsh*t accusations and lies. I'm not saying I wasn't part of the bad in this relationship, because I most certainly was. I'm at fault for not properly setting boundaries very early on, and I tried to put them in place recently. It just didn't work. Oh well. Now it's time to heal, and I'm going to start implementing the other points immediately. I have an appointment to go to, but I can't wait to read up on the articles as well!
applecat Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Oh dear, I broke all of them essentially within the first week. After that I left it to dust, but man...I didn't realize. You have no idea how happy though this article has made me. Happy, because I'm letting go and this has put everything in focus, but....jeez am I embarassed. This guy chased ME, after all. XD Another will in time! So I haven't lost my swagger! Lol. Wish I'd seen this 2 months ago, probably pushed him away for good now LOL.
tness Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I did get many of this advices from friends and coworkers. But did I listen, Noooo. My synapses in my brain was going berserk. I did everything wrong The train has left the station, she on it, waving and smiling, I'm left on the platform with no ticket
Heartbroken17 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I wish I had read this article two months ago when we first broke up. I lost all my dignity in the first couple of days. All of it. I was on my knees, I cried, I begged, I wailed. This is not the person I was four and a half years ago when we got together and I am ashamed of how much loss of dignity I showed to him. I have not contacted him in weeks, but it upsets me that the loss of dignity I showed the last time he saw me is the last memory he has of me.
Chinafish Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Natalie and baggage reclaim, have been a shining light for me these last 3 months. I know its a bit gender biased, but such an excellent web site.
dasilver Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I broke all of them and i'm proud of myself for it... I refuse to be ashamed or embarrassed because I begged or pleaded for the one I love to remain in my life. That’s how I love and if by doing that I lost myself respect and dignity with the person then so be it… I will not bow my head in shame…absolutely not… When I love…I love good and I love well….and I’m 100% proud of myself for doing so…
Doc Blaze Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 struggling with the sex part...at first it wasnt a problem..but a random event can mess up a lot of things...smh
drmcsugar Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 When I was going through my breakup at the beginning of this year, I had this saved as an app on my phone, so I could open it anytime and be reminded that I didn't need to save something that someone else had already given up on. It was my compassion, my love, my energy, they'd better be served with someone else that appreciates them. Great stuff.
dreadyblack Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 simply an excellent article!! i am proud of myself. When she threw in the towel i did not give her any power by begging or anything. i said "nothing i say right now will change that you only see me as a friend now." AFTER 8 YEARS!! i simply said it is best if u leave. and that was that. deleted her number pcitures burned love notes and letters and pictures. The pain is still in me but i can litterally feel myself healing. I realize now that i don't need someone like her in my life. The article hit home with me and i was proud that i am actually doing things correct. i smiled at myself after i read the article. She is already in someone elses arms and bed. i know i am dealing with this loss too bad she isnt. but i cannot concern myself with her affairs. It will only hold me back.
miamimami1969 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I second that dasilver - i made a fool of myself as well and at that moment i felt like the bottom was dropping out from under me and i went into panic mode. I did what I did and thats that.He knows I am a good person deep down in his heart - i hope one day he really sees it and know that he effed up big time. I just want to hear it.
dreadyblack Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 i hope one day he really sees it and know that he effed up big time. I just want to hear it. haha i have the same thoughts!! do we need to hear it?? probably not but it would still feel good somehow huh? haha ugh break ups r tough
dreadyblack Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 When I was going through my breakup at the beginning of this year, I had this saved as an app on my phone, so I could open it anytime and be reminded that I didn't need to save something that someone else had already given up on. It was my compassion, my love, my energy, they'd better be served with someone else that appreciates them. Great stuff. Well said. ive only been broken up for a month now. and all i did for 2 weeks was obsess of how i was going to get her back and save what we had. but then a light clicked when i realized wait a minute why am i wanting to save this if she gave up on it a loong time before she actually broke it off. i read this article almost every day still. it is priceless. but yes our compassion, love, enery should be shared with someone that actually appreciates them!!
miamimami1969 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 haha i have the same thoughts!! do we need to hear it?? probably not but it would still feel good somehow huh? haha ugh break ups r tough I want to hear it because I want him to regret that he lost the best thing that ever happened to him and I want to hear him say it and I want to be able to either hang up, dismiss him or just ignore the phone or text. But I will get some sort of satisfaction knowing that he regrets it.
dreadyblack Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 I want to hear it because I want him to regret that he lost the best thing that ever happened to him and I want to hear him say it and I want to be able to either hang up, dismiss him or just ignore the phone or text. But I will get some sort of satisfaction knowing that he regrets it. i totally agree!!
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