TheLoneliest Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Well, I summed up all my past miseries into one conclusion... I'm just a guy with really bad luck. Childhood molestation, classmates killing teachers in front of my face, lived in 5 countries and no true friends, dad went cheap on my circumcision, lost all my 8 year savings for a house to save my brother from drug habit, 4 car accidents in 5 years and none were my fault, blacksheep of the family, repressed memories, couldn't lose my virginity until 39 and thought the girl was someone special but turned out she was a scam artist and got $3k out of me for some lies... etc, etc. Anyway, the last date I had with this girl, did not believe anyone would have such bad luck. We went out on our first date, was going to see a movie, then something happened at the parking lot of the theater and we had to stay because we were witnesses to the crime... then she told me, "oh wow, you do have bad luck". Never heard from her again, just her voice message. Makes me wonder, maybe I should just give up. Just wondering what everyone else would do. I got 4 months left before I have to give up my career to move to another country in order to take care of my mom who was detected with dementia and my dad, a psycho that thought Holocaust was justified. A close friend once asked me this in sincerity, "How can you live like this? I'd kill myself if I were you."
brickheart Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 One inclination I have when you ask that question is to wonder whether you're going to mope about having bad luck and blame everything bad that happens to you on your "bad luck." I'm not one of those people that says you can control your entire destiny (sometimes you are just born into a bad situation, it's true), but when you believe bad things are going to happen to you, they may happen more frequently than they might otherwise. So... I might date him IF he had a positive attitude and outlook and clearly wasn't allowing the "bad luck" to get him down. Does that make sense? Right now, it's pretty obvious that you ARE allowing it to get you down, and that's SUPER unattractive. "Maybe I should just give up" is a terrible attitude, and I would never want to date a guy who says that in any context.
sodizzy Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Okay your past does not define your future so you have to go to therapy and deal with all of these terrible circumstances that have happened in your life. You persevered. You're alive. And there are worse off people. That's a terrible thing for a friend to say. About the first date - HOW does she know all of these things about you on a first date!? If a guy unloaded all of that information on our first date or before our first date, I'd run too. It's a lot to take in and of course it's self pitying. I feel terrible that these things have happened to you. You sound like a nice guy but deal with these things with a therapist. You're a work in process - you'll be okay but accept those who believe they are cursed with bad luck and a negative outlook are doomed to continue it.
tallydoo Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Agreed. You've had some really terrible things happen to you, but you sound like a pretty amazing person for having come through all of that. Just based on what you've said, you sound like you're generous, you trust and care a lot, and you've experienced a lot of different cultures--those are all really, really great qualities in a guy. Go talk some of this stuff out with a counselor and let it make you stronger instead of beaten. Don't give up.
poetryandlyrics Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Never unload your whole history on the first date or even the first few. It's supposed to be about having fun, not expressing pains. You can do so gradually so the other person can fully know you but also, you have to make sure you still express positivity. None of that victim mentality that life handed you the bad luck life to go through. That'd make the girl to sense you need a therapist, not a girlfriend. A relationship survives best when there is more positive energy with strong shoulders to defend against bad moments, knowing how to not to be overwhelmed. Everyone has a bit of baggage, but nobody wants to hear it all at once. It's overwhelming and makes people to wonder about your mentality.
TheLoneliest Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Oh no, I'm not trying to mope. I was born a very positive person just likes to entertain people with laughter. I've made many people content/happy and believe it or not, I've saved about 50 people's lives so far. I don't like to be a pessimist but I always seek the fun out of misery. But it does get tiring after 40 years when nothing seems to go right no matter what you do. I've tried to fix things, my family, myself, but to no solution. Bad things keep happening to me. The last thing was my two friends of 6 years got married, and we even lived together for a year before, and I never got the wedding invitation, not even a phone call except the bill he forgot to pay for months and wanted me to pay my part after I moved out 4 months. I gave them the $1000 frig as a pre-wedding gift as well. On my dates I resort to funny stories I made up and current small things that will distract her from asking personal questions. However, eventually they will find out. It's just that I hate to be pretentious and fake. But if I become back to my true self, a 1000 lbs safe might fall on her head from a building. I'm not a depressed person. I try to find good fun stuff to do but horrible things keep happening to me that I cannot control. The things I listed are just the few things that happened to me in my life, there's a lot more but I don't wanna depress/bore anyone. I'm still trying. I finally found a family therapist that works well for me, and that's after seeking over 25+ therapists, hypnotists, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc that didn't work but most of the time made my life worse. This therapist understands my pain but she doesn't have a solution for me either and that was the best part of my current life in the past 4 years, but now she's pregnant and had to leave and by the time she's back in sessions, I'll be gone overseas taking care of my parents who once treated me like I wasn't the real son (my dad refused to see me when I was born btw). I saw the movie The Cooler, and I cried silently like a little girl. I know this is silly, but I saw that movie to reflect my own life (not vegas style of course) and always hoped maybe I'll get a Lady Luck like he did. I'm still hoping, just thought maybe girls don't date guys with bad luck, well, hell, who wants to be with guys with bad luck anyway?
poetryandlyrics Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 The way I see it, a lot of people have "bad luck" from their childhood with their families or such. Maybe you have too much to count it as that but how do you know? It's hard for me to find someone with a perfect life. I've found one so far and she is an amazing being, lol. I don't say that with jealousy. Okay, maybe a little but nothing to worry about. My SO has what you'd call "bad luck" and I'm still with him. I'm not giving a list of those bad lucks out of respect but he never told me this all from the get go. Gradually from a later time when we both knew each other well. He's a good person with a good heart and doesn't dwell on the past, the type that rather move on, and is determined to rise to he top again. That kind of quality shines more than his bad luck. from writing this, seems you still dwell. That's okay, some people just need a bit more help. I still dwell sometimes but I have done a vast progress for my age and just being around a secure person as my SO helps me ton. Maybe you should surround yourself with secure people as well. My best friend is one too with her down to earth practicality, she helped me by seeing her mindset. Surround yourself with secure people so you can get the mindset.
TheLoneliest Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 I guess I still dwell on the past since the present and future keeps repeating. I always tell myself move forward, even if the near future brings the same thing over and over again. Here's another funny part, the two friends that got married? Well, when all of us live together, they noticed unwanted bad things keep happening to us, well, more me. I tried not to dwell on that but after a while it gives you the creeps. I didn't notice that until after 7 months living together, they stopped inviting me to events, probably because the chances nothing bad happens is slim. Here's another silly part, most of the time when I tell people this, I'd expect most of them to say 'no way! get out of here'. But the truth is, most of them became disgust with me or hate me or pick on my parts blaming me for being this, doing that, when all I want to do is enjoy life, make something out of it. I'm very motivated with life. I had my own cable public access channel sponsored by League of Women Voters of whom I persuaded to sponsor me. I don't like to dwell. I like to make things happen, except whenever I seem like I'm finally getting there, bad things happen again, and I don't mean small bad things. I know I've probably made several readers disliking my posts, but what else can I do? I can either 1) accept that I'm just a guy with bad luck and live with it alone, not trying to fight it or 2) kill myself. You might try to tell me look further into yourself and bad luck will go away. I really really wish that were true. I still think bad luck will leave me, just not now or near future. Anyone seen the movie Pure Luck? Well, Martin Short's life in that movie isn't too far off of mine, except his was more comical and mine was just down right depressing and maybe scary. I thought maybe I should just adopt his thinking and accept that I'm just a guy with bad luck that I can't shake off and live with it. Except, it's harder than you think. I've attempted suicide several times, and guess what... I wasn't even allowed to do that in peace. I gave up suiciding over 10 years ago because a little girl came into my life and I practically co-raised her first 5 years but then I had to gave her up because it wasn't meant to be. I continued to try and try and stay positive, help others, make people believe in the good life. I'm not asking for sympathy or advice. I'm just asking, would any girl date a guy knowing he's got bad luck? One already said 'no'. thank you for your response. I'm just curious because The Cooler looked like heaven to me and I sooooo want to believe that can happen. I"m 40 years old and tears coming down my cheeks as I wrote this so please don't assume I'm writing this detached with no feelings. I'm just tired of life.
blueidealist24 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Don't tell someone on a first date about all these happenings. Actually, don't talk about them unless for some reason totally necessary. If people don't know about those things (which don't sound like your fault), they'll have no way of judging you for them. It sounds to me quite altruistic of you to give up your savings in order to help your brother. If a woman did find out that could be looked at as a positive, but I still wouldn't bring it up unless totally necessary. Knowing all these things about you that you just posted on here, it doesn't seem like you were anything bad but maybe a little too trusting or helpful in some situations (the house, girl you lost your virginity to) and it ended up screwing you over. The teachers being killed and the molestation obviously were in no way your fault. I would likely give you as much chance as a date as I would give anybody else.
TheLoneliest Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Oh, I don't tell anyone about this on first date, but they find out one way or another. Usually just bad things happening on the first couple dates that had nothing to do with any of us. The one girl I went out with that made that 'oh wow, you do have bad luck' already knew a friend of mine and we used to hang out a bit before trying to date. Usually women find my generous and unselfish attitude attractive, but once you see through all that and realize I just have bad luck and probably will continue to be so, kinda takes them a step back and stop dating me. Anyway, I wasn't mentioning my past because I tell my dates these things.. oh no no no. I only mentioned them here to show how unlucky I was growing up.
blueidealist24 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Oh ok, I'm glad you don't actually just blurt that stuff out on the first date or even a few weeks into the relationship. I'm honestly surprised that they put that much stock in "bad luck." I'm not even sure if I believe in "bad luck" all the time, and if there is "bad luck" there's no reason it's going to necessarily continue. Some people have horrible lives for awhile and then they turn great, or vice versa.
Discojon75 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 blueidealist24, I'm of the same mindset as you. There is very little in life that is "luck." People create their own opportunities and failures and should accept responsibility for their actions and outcomes.
meister Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I hear you. It does sound like some bad things have happened but that's the past. Forge your own destiny. There's no such thing as luck. You've got your health. Think of how "unlucky" sick and dying people are. Count that has being "lucky" if you must. Take that and do something with it
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