Flatsharing

[quirky]

I share a house with 3 other people. I've been here 1 year and 7 months. People have come and gone apart form the main girl that has been here over 5 years. Now it's her, me and 2 of her friends. They socialise together, give each other goodnight hugs, eat together sometimes. I kinda feel left out but don't have to energy to earn their love. I get on with them but they are a bit too low key for my likings..

 

Me and the main girl always clean well, the other 2 don't. I don't think the main girl gets as pissed off because they are her friends and maybe make up in other ways. She's the one obsessed with the cleaning though and she tends to clean even if it's not her turn. I told her to leave things so the others can see that it needs doing but she can't. I just do my stuff and clean when it's my week to clean.

 

I am getting a bit resentful lately..I can't figure out exactly though. I feel like I don't matter but it's probably how I feel, they don't treat me rude. It makes me sad seeing love and understanding amongst them, they have the same friends, when I have lost one of my best friends and split up with the ex, I guess I am 'lacking' love from 2 people that were very important to me. I can talk to them if I want to and I have..but they won't approach me themselves. I wish they did because I find it difficult to go to them, I feel vulnerable about it all. They invite me to things sometimes but they don't really care if I go. I wish they cared.

 

Also they are from the same culture and they are nice, quiet people and I am more passionate and random by nature, I find them a bit 'depressive', I wish I had someone to play with I wish I could talk a bit about clothes, makeup, silly things, have stupid dances, random scares... They are really frugal and humble and quiet, I almost feel like a bimbo in the house when I am not at all. I guess I miss having childish fun.

 

I try to remind myself that they are flatmates and not my best friends but that number is down by 2. Also I cut out 1 more person I knew for years due to his distance during my difficult time, I understood he mainly benefited from my good mood.

 

Is there anything you suggest I do? It feels like a lot of energy trying to have love from 3 people that have a bond and get on already. Oh, the girl fancied the other girl in the past and the guy fancied the main girl at some point. Nothing has happened but yeah, they get on.

[pippy longstocking]

I can see what you saying quirky ..it can't be fun when they are all such good friends with the added

fact that they are all on a different wave length .

 

have the other two only just moved in ? If yes, then they might still have that novelty factor going on

and once that has worn off they might calm down abit with each other.

 

I think you just have to carry on been you quirky , not try and fit into their mould , be who you are ,

the chances are they will probably enjoy a diffeerent personality.

 

you say they are willing when you go to them , but they don't approach you , then I would just

carry on approaching them .

 

they probably don't even realise and I understand how left out you must feel , especially after a split,

we become so sensitive and feel pushed out so easy .

 

or

 

poison the lot of them

[quirky]

Hey shooting star, thanks for your reply.

 

I know, there's not much I can do really. I miss silly fun, that's one thing I really had with my ex ya know? He was unreliable of course but fun. And I am a sucker for silliness, I miss a whole part of me. Death, depression, breakup too much stuff this year

 

especially after a split, we become so sensitive and feel pushed out so easy

 

Exactly..you just feel so vulnerable, it sucks. I do think though that their tranquility gets me down even more. They are also very independent people which I guess it a good thing, I do my own thing too.. but I like tactile, chatty people quite a bit, I can relax with them more.

 

The main girl had a day off today too and I asked her to remove a moth from my room cos she's good with that stuff. She offered me tea which was nice, I get on with her the most. As soon as she did I cried for a minute in my room because I realised how much I miss having a sense of home. In many cases flatsharing is just living in a room. She can sense something is up but really..there's nothing to discuss, it's the way it is.

 

I won't try too much to spend time with them, I don't want to feel needy to earn their love and that's what it would be. Makes me miss my family, I could cuddle up with them and say silly things

[quirky]

Like many mornings I woke up because someone else is awake in the house and their noise wakes me up. I can't complain unless they're about too early. But it'd be so great to wake up when I want to wake up.

 

I am so upset right now

 

I realised what it is. I miss the love. Not from a guy necesssarily. As time goes by I realise that G is not coming back and it is incredibly hard to comprehend that I will not see him or speak to him ever again. And me and the ex..NC. So I miss feeling that some few people love me and really care for me. My flatmates and colleagues care to some extend but they don't love me. That is what I miss. I have 2 people here in the UK that love me and that's it.

 

I can't wait to see my mum and sister again, it will be on Aug 19. I can't wait to get cuddles and touch their hair and be close to them without worrying constantly that someone wants their space.

 

I miss having that feeling of when I was at my mum's place and she's close the doors between the kitchen and my bedroom in the morning so to not wake me up. Then we'd have coffee together and the house would smell of her cooking, or we'd go to the beach. I felt truly loved and cared for.

[quirky]

My flatmate can sense something is up but I didn't know what to tell her..she didn't ask me directly anyway.

 

Dunno why I feel so uncomfortable and what to do about it. I feel like they have the wrong impression of me.