Don't know how to feel better

[tarafox]

Hey All,

 

Where do I start.....

 

I met my ex back in feb 2009, we got on really well and has loads of chemistry. After dating for a couple of months my mum was diagnosed with cancer which hit me really hard but my ex seemed to be there for me I think! Mum then went through her treatment and was on the mend.

 

In October 2009 he quit his job as he didn't like it anymore. We decided to get away for a week. We were supposed to go on our own but his family ended up coming. He told me not to worry as even though we were going to the same place we would not be spending the hols with them. That didn't happen! He seemed more interested in spending time with his mum (weird relationship! they are so touchy feely that it made me uncomfortable - twisting each others nipples etc) we ended up having a massive row and he then dumped me saying I am not affectionate enough, always want my own way blah blah and then he left. I was totally shocked as what he was saying didn't make any sense! We were always affectionate (Altho he seemed distant to me) anyway I text him once and he didn't answer so I gave up, why should I chase someone to love me? right?

 

Anyway 5 weeks later he texts me to say he made a huge mistake and how he is still in love with me (he told me he was in love with me still when we broke up and assured me it was nothing to do with his feeling for me). We get back together and when he found another job 5 months later we moved in together. 2 months after living together everything just started to fall apart. We were still as affectionate and loving as ever but again he lost his job so it was down to me to pay for everything again!

 

In April 12 my mum passed away after months of me going round everyday to spend as much time with her as I could and it was the worst time of my life so far. Finally my ex found another job and I found out 2 weeks later that he had already swapped numbers with a girl from work and was texting and deleting the messages (which he admitted and said he knew I wouldn't be happy) He said they were friends and she was easy to talk to!!! All this while I am grieving for my mum. This wasn't the only thing to happen though, I caught him browsing through dating sites and watching porn. I just felt so worthless, why does he need to do all this when he had me? Attention? Was my mum being ill and dying an inconveinience to him as I wasn't able to give him the attention he wanted?

 

I tried to deal with this but 3 weeks ago I admitted to him that I don't understand why he did all of this if he is so in love with me and all he can say is "I don't know"!. It turned into a mutual breakup as he said he couldn't understand my mood swings and why I was miserable!!! What did he expect!? He said it was clear I would never trust him again and that he was going to get his passport and move abroad to see if he could find what he was looking for? He then said he didn't think it would come to this and started crying and saying he felt sick. Said he was still in love with me but couldn't carry on like this. He left. I am now having to deal with moving out of our house on my own with no help from him, still grieving for my mum and dealing with this break up. What did I do to deserve it all?

 

I supported him for 13 months of the relationship. On the rare occasion he actually tidied the house he would expect over the top appreciation and would say I never did anything for him.

 

I have not heard from him since. I sent 1 fb message which he didn't reply to.

 

Anyone ever been with anyone like this before?

 

The only thing that makes sense is that he didn't love me anymore but I know he did, I was in the relationship and you can't act that well for 2 1/2 years! I feel like it is all mind games. He told me he never felt good enough for me. I have a very good well paid job and do not rely on a man for anything financial. I needed his emotional support but instead he breaks my heart even more!

[applecat]

Aw hun I honestly feel your pain. It's hard when you try putting your all into someone only to have them treat you this way. He was supposed to support you through thick and thin and love you come rain or shine, instead he only thought of himself and completely delved into his own unwarranted self-importance. I'm so sorry about your mum my sister died of cancer and I used to get upset around my ex sometimes and I guess when he saw that 'weak' side of me, decided it was too much hassle. It's inhuman, really. You have enough pain in your life and the last person you'd expect to create more is a partner. My partner ended up calling me miserable, and never understood why it upset me so much. I wrote him a letter during my first breakup which explained so much about that sort of thing and how greif affects you even years later. Did he care? No. Gave it to his sister to read. So disrespectful...it wasn't MEANT for her eyes. I wrote it to him, and if he didnt want to read it, he could have left it.

 

Dating sites....jeez. What an idiot. He clearly had no idea how lucky he was to have someone there for him already. That doesn't reflect on you, his problem.

 

Don't blame yourself about ANY of this. Please. As someone who has been treated similarly, I'm confident enough to say it was just their immaturity, lack of respect and empathy for others. Couldn't understand your mood swings?! Has he never lost anyone close?!

 

Grr!