Confused: does she just need a little space or want to break up

[spinnaker96]

I think I need some advice as I don't have much relationship experience. For personal reasons I didn't date anyone for 10 years, but earlier this year I decided it was time to start dating again. I guess at the beginning I was hopeful for finding instant chemistry with someone, and as a result, had a series of 1st dates with women but didn't pursue any of them for a 2nd date because I wasn't finding that butterfly in the stomach feeling of falling in love I felt as a teenager. I then decided I needed to try to develop a relationship rather than just look for an instant connection.

 

I met a woman who, I can't explain how or why, but makes me want to be a better person. She has trust issues from previous relationships, and I didn't help the situation by once telling her a half-truth. I ended up not sleeping that night and confessed and asked for her forgiveness the next day. She knows I started out dating lots of different women, but within 3 weeks of meeting her, I told her I didn't want to date anyone else but her, and being true to my word, I haven't. Once a week or so though she still makes a light-hearted comment suggesting that I might be dating others which makes me worry that she might not fully trust me.

 

I think I'm starting to fall in love with her. I'm always thinking about her. And like I said she has me wanting to be a better person. She's a single Mom and since meeting her 4yo daughter I experienced a strong desire to be a dad, a protector and provider. I have tremendous respect for them both.

 

For 6 weeks or so now we've been texting each other up to 100 times a day. The last couple of night's though she been really slow to return texts, and tonight she said she needs a break tonight. If I'm honest with myself, I think taking a break from texting each other all the time could actually be a good thing. I guess I'm just confused because I want to prove myself to her and give her gifts and my attention, though sometimes she doesn't seem to appreciate it. We've already bought tickets to an event on Friday, and all three of us will be going (us and her daughter) but now I'm a little afraid it could be our last date considering she doesn't want too talk tonight. Am I over-thinking things? Does she simply need a little time and space?

 

I'm the one who has been putting their feelings out there; she's once said she can offer "no promises." I know she works hard, and enjoys time with her daughter, which I completely respect, but we've also talked about the idea of having kids too.

 

I guess my question is, have I been coming on too strong? I'm always hinting that I'm there for her if she needs me and listen to her and try to let her know that I understand her issues. I'm the one who arranges all of our dates. For every one date we go out on, I've probably suggested 2 or 3 other times and dates along the way. I understand it can't be easy being a single parent, but she just doesn't reveal her feelings to me about what she wants out of a relationship I think because she afraid of getting hurt again like she has in past relationships.

 

If I'm honest with myself, I think taking a break from texting each other all the time could actually be a good thing. I guess I'm just confused because I want to prove myself to her and give her gifts and more of my time, though sometimes she doesn't seem to appreciate them and I don't want to smother her. How do I show her I care for her when what I think she needs sometimes is space? We've already bought tickets to an event on Friday, and all three of us will be going (us and her daughter) but now I'm a little afraid it could be our last date considering she doesn't want too talk tonight. Am I over-thinking things? Or does she simply need a little time and space to herself tonight after a long day at work?

 

I always try to be understanding and respectful of her and her daughter's relationship. I guess it feels like I'm the only one who puts into the relationship, though I understand she works long days and then wants to spend a little time with her daughter, which I completely respect. I know her time is limited and sometimes I suspect she would like to date more men. Should I tell her that she can date other guys and not text me a couple of times a week? I know she needs time and space for herself sometimes, though she just doesn't talk about such things. I'm just confused.

 

Can anyone offer some insight and advice?

[tallydoo]

Sloooooowwwww down. 100 times a day for six weeks is a LOT. She's got a lot on her plate between her own life and her daughter. Just give her some space until Friday, and take a step back.

 

There's no rush, and each relationship takes time to develop. If you push it, it might break. So take it easy and keep a little bit of yourself and your feelings up your sleeve; it can be intimidating to have an onslaught of emotional outpouring from one person in the relationship when you're still waiting for those feelings to develop and slowly nurturing the relationship.

[spinnaker96]

Thanks for the advice. I think you're right. I can trust she likes me given that we have gone out so many times and she doesn't mind me being around her daughter, which is something she's said she is very cautious about who she let's into her life. I just need to back off a little and give her some space. I think it will add to our relationship rather than take away. I guess I was just afraid if I pull back, then she might take it to mean that I'm no longer interested in her.

[tallydoo]

She knows that you're interested; don't worry. Plus, the space will make her all the more eager to see you