It has just been a rollercoaster!

[Militia890]

Up and down, up and down

 

A brief summary of whats happened so far these past two month (my full stories are floating around if you're interested). My ex girlfriend of two years broke up with me about two months ago, said that when she was with me, she was really happy. But I was a bit...insensitive at times, I didnt support her enough, and I broke a lot of promises. I took a little time to myself to look at what I was doing, why, and to try and change these things (I realized a lot of factors in my life were causing me to act like a bit of a jerk at times). She saw this, and kind of wavered about staying broken up. However, three weeks after the break up, she gets with someone else. Three weeks after that, that new boyfriend breaks up with her, which just breaks her heart. I help comfort her, be there as a friend etc. Then she told me out of the blue that when she starts dating again, it will probably be with me. Fantastic! But...

 

Just a few days ago, she said she has done some thinking, and the more she thought about it the more she realized we werent right for each other. This hurt a bit, and I started to think...why? Then I realized that for the past few weeks (after she told me she would probably date me again) I havent had a real conversation with her. Everytime I would talk to her, I would try to flirt with her...I would try to gauge her interest in me...I would talk about all the things we would do when I would get back (away for the summer)...insisting I've changed...and I would pester her about any other guys that may be in the picture (none). I feel like I have been making some real git mistakes, and instead of just letting things flow like I should've, I tried to force the relationship and get answers when there werent any certainties. And because of this I felt like I've really pushed her away

 

On top of it, she has been having a lot of issues lately too. Besides two breakups within the span of two months, she's been under a lot of stress, and has been having personal issues.

 

I feel like she gauged who I was by the way I acted the past few weeks (didn't talk very much while she was in the relationship because NIC) and I had a good chance and I messed it up royally. I dont know. At the moment she still talks to me plenty, and she's getting a little less cold. And she still wants to see me when I get back. Part of me believes I should just go with the flow for now, be a friend (dont talk about the relationship!) and wait until we can meet again in person (We got along really fantastically in person. We saw each other every day, and every day I could make her laugh and smile with ease). The other part thinks that maybe she's completely right about me and her, that we have absolutely no chance together at all. Bleck