Breaking Down the Walls

[Frippy83]

I find that coming here to talk helps because sometimes I don't want to tell these things to my friends.

 

I'm going to make a really long story short. About 5 years ago my Dad died from Cancer and at the same time, my b/f of 3 years dumped me.

 

It took a good 3.5 years to get over it all and start feeling normal again. After all that time I have finally met another guy and things are going great, but I can still feel my walls coming up all the time and I have no idea how to stop it.

 

I'm so scared to be in another relationship but I don't want to do anything to wreck it because he is a great guy. Does anyone have any tools or words of advice for remaning calm and rational when the walls come up and you freak out about getting in too deep with someone again? Any words would be appreciated.

[Blue92]

Relationships are like roller coasters. They go up and down and sometimes, yes, the ride will break. But, think of it this way, if you choose never to ride another one then it is a shame to never enjoy such a rush in life again. Plus, you never know if the ride will keep going...

 

Give anything a go if it you really want it. Even if it ends in failure or heartbreak, it's better than to have never lived for anything.

[laninaperdida]

3.5 years is a really long time to *really* get over a BU.

I think you should seek counseling.

TBH, you don't seem like the toughest person emotionally, & I think it starts there,

Gotta *know* you can handle things before you'll take the risk, you know?

 

I'm an extremely closed-off person, but unlike you I'm not afraid of anything.

I just don't think **** lasts so I really don't care to get invested, lol.

I've been working on letting these walls down & 1 thing I've done that's really been working is to text what I *really* (no holding back!) & in the same SMS what I *would* say.

Then I sit on it and delete whichever part I feel like & send the other.

Sometimes I hold back because I think it's stupid, he won't care, I'll look lame, etc.

But when I see the 2 versions side-by-side I usually end up sending the 1 I *really* want to say because hey!

It's nice to read those things to myself so I imagine he would love to as well.

 

I swear, I'll sit on something like "MISS YOU BABY!" for hours because I'm like uggg I look retarded.

But really?

Who wouldn't wanna read that?

[hommystyle]

Just think positive, and do well.

[GermanGirl2000]

Live in the now. Relax and don't worry about what will happen in the future. Just enjoy you have the time with him while you guys are together. Make an appoint to be a happier person. Everyone goes through a difficult time in their lives at some point. Life is full of the unexpected. But it is the unexpected of the good kind that keeps you going. Look for the happy, unexpected moments and keep moving forward.