I think there is something fishy with my boyfriend :S

[jimjam07]

I'm 21 almost 22, he is 23. We have been in a relationship for approx 6months. When we were first dating.. I should have (now done like within the 1st month of dating) broken all contact with any hookups (kissing, sex, people who may have liked me) of my past.

 

Now nothing has resurfaced or I have not made any contact with anyone from the past or any random people I might meet while I'm out at a bar, gig.. etc.

 

 

There are two issues: 1) My boyfriend is friends with a girl he once slept with. She texts him every so often, and I have also noticed she "like" pretty much every status on his facebook. I have a weird feeling, she may like him & denies it & keeping it secret.

 

2)A girl he onced dated, she has feelings for my boyfriend. He wants to remain friends with her, but her feelings are mixed. & he has recently re-added her on facebook.

 

 

Now, he hasn't done anything to abuse my trust, I trust him.. I just feel it is fishy.

 

Am I overreacting? I want him to have friends, but I feel something is "up".

 

 

UPDATE: I have noticed, everytime when I offer to charge his phone or look at a youtube video or even to look at the time.. he is very touchy and keeps his phone by his side.

In the past I had one guy who I was good friends with, he had feelings for me.. I had to delete contact with him as my boyfriend felt he wanted more.

 

Is my boyfriend hyprocritical & having double standards? Or am I overreacting?

[dasilver]

Have you talked to your man about these 2 ladies? If so what was his response?

 

I would be uneasy about all 3...the girl he's had sex with still texting him...the one he's dated that he wants to be friends with still (this may just be platonic though)... and the keeping his phone by his side all the time...(why so protective?)

[soybeans]

The only way to find out is to talk to him about it.

 

Its really important to be in tune with your instincts and not ignore them. If you have any concerns in the relationship, he should know about it and do what he can to resolve them for you.

 

I don't know though, because my ex was the same way and it annoyed the hell out of me. In situations like these some may tell you to just relax and go with the flow, that your bf is with you for a reason, etc. I tried to go with that mindset but it screwed me over in the end.

 

So I feel like the best way to go is to talk to him and take it from there- see how he reacts/handles it.

[camus154]

I'm going to assume you never had a real, boundary-setting conversation with your boyfriend in which you both agreed upon what is and what is not acceptable behavior regarding contact with the exes?

 

If not, then there is your problem. Forget about right or wrong. Forget about whether you have a worry to be concerned. All you can do is decide what is and is not ok in this relationship--together--and then abide by that (or decide not to, and split).

[jimjam07]

I need to speak to him about it.

I feel he is having double standards.. like I can't go talking to boys if I'm not with him

 

Yet he can talk to girls that he had previous "relations" with.

[camus154]

I need to speak to him about it.

I feel he is having double standards.. like I can't go talking to boys if I'm not with him

 

Yet he can talk to girls that he had previous "relations" with.

 

There are no double standards if you haven't even determined standards to begin with.

 

You're not a victim here, so don't let yourself feel like one. Both of you are adults who choose to be in this relationship, whatever that may bring with it. Sit down and chat with him.

[jimjam07]

Thanks. I will sit with him and tell him how I feel about this.

[Batya33]

I agree that he shouldn't lead on women who are interested in dating him. I'm not sure why someone you are dating should give you access to his personal phone.

[chrisn]

I agree that he shouldn't lead on women who are interested in dating him. I'm not sure why someone you are dating should give you access to his personal phone.

I wouldn't think it's about free access, it's more a case of what's s/he hiding? which then brings on doubts that they trust you and are they trustworthy themselves.