Trying to Find Courage

[Teacher12]

I have been married 7 years and have two beautiful children. I think that I have realized within the past year that I am married to an emotional abuser. He was fine in the beginning (they all are right?). It seemed to escalate after we had children. I am always walking on eggshells and trying to make sure he isn't upset. he doesn't call me stupid, but always finds a way to make me feel that way. Everything is always my fault and I have always believed that, but recently my thoughts are starting to change. He acts like I don't care and if I yell back at him, he will say that he is going to go "bite a bullet" or "hang himself." Recently, I began confiding in my mom and a friend about some of the things he says and they are appalled and say that I don't deserve that. That him calling me selfish is him projecting. I just lost a child at 28 weeks pregnant (about 5 weeks ago) and thought I was being super emotional, but now I am beginning to think that life is too short and I don't want or deserve to put up with this. We were short on money and got behind in our mortgage earlier this year and I was afraid to tell him because I knew he would say that it was all my fault and scream at me even though his failing business is what is draining our money. He would also accuse me of stealing the money. I guess that I am supposed to magically make $1,000 into $2,000. I found a way to fix this and I finally had to confide in him about our finances this week. He thinks that I have stolen it and then that he is screwed and has been working for free. He also said that I must think that "this is cute" that he's been working so hard for nothing and I'm selfish, yada yada yada. I guess you get the picture. I am on the verge right now. He is on shift until 7am and I have my bags and our kids bags packed and ready to leave. He said that he was fine about this, but needed a few days. I was thinking of giving him a few days alone to do that. I guess I am justrying to find the courage to walk away, even for a few days. Please help, I welcome any advice, even if you don't agree with me leaving.

 

Thanks,

 

Kari

[lukeb]

It is actually not necessary to blame your husband for the fact that you want to leave, perhaps better to accept the fact that the marriage just hasn't worked out. You don't have to be in a marriage you don't want to be in, it is ok for you to leave and get a divorce if that is what you want.

[Teacher12]

I don't think I blame him for how he is. I am just at the point where I feel it is unhealthy for me to stay. I am also tired of the rollercoaster that I always seem to be on.

[EgoJoe]

He can not "make" you feel anything and I'd like to point out that neither of you is communicating properly. Leave, you'll both have enough pain to motivate growth.

[Justme3]

You're all ready to leave, just leave. You need to be in a different setting to see it a bit more clearly. Once you leave you will be able to breathe and think more clearly.

[Snowy]

Leave as soon as possible.