Am I getting any better? Ups and downs...

[applecat]

I hate this rollercoaster!

 

Last night was the first time in weeks that I really let myself cry. The day before, I felt so angry. My ex gave me so much hope and told me he still loved me, got in my pants, told me he was happy then the following day took it ALL away. I miss him, I miss our company, but I don't miss being spoonfed false hope. I don't miss being yelled at. I don't miss the sheer disrespect he showed me through swearing at me and not caring whether I was on the pill last time we did that. I don't miss him punching my car when I tried telling him over and over not to react to other people's bad driving. I don't miss him walking out on me. I don't miss him throwing me out the car for asking him to suggest DAY TRIPS for us.

 

I don't miss how his family didn't give two hoots about our relationship, or even me. How I was made to feel almost unwelcome when I tried so hard with them. What did I do?! When we argued they bubble wrapped him instantly and told him "plenty more fish in the sea" whilst booting me out of their home...when HE threw hissy fits at ME. Around them! His sister was the only one who understood me at any level.

 

And yet I miss the snuggles. I miss talking pointless cute crap. I miss having someone to come home to and share a videogame with. I miss kisses and hugs.

 

Why does this mess with my mind so much?! I just want to be happy....been through enough already. I won't let one person knock me over....no.

 

I thought 2 and a half years would amount to more than this.

[seanryder]

I'm sorry to read you pain. I think you miss having somebody special in your life (not this guy!!!!) and you wouldn't be human if you didn't. This guy was sent into your life for a reason....the reason being that you would recognize genuine love when you happen on it. This guy was bad news for you and he has shown his true colours, be glad you saw them before you had wasted any more time on him.

 

Say strong, be good to yourself, and above all never give up hope. Good things will happen when you least expect it, and when you are not looking for it.

 

Good luck my friend.

[mickydrip]

It should of but that sounds like a very horrible relationship and terrible way of treating you. that is abuse and terrible terrible way. you need to get away from him now learn to love yourself gain your independance again and find someone who loves you for you. and im sure you will. but that is a very poisonous relationship.

 

If he loved you he wouldnt have done what he done, treat you like he has or let his family do that too you. boot him out learn to know you deserve better. and know that there is someone ELSE that is out there waiting for you who will love you and not treat you like that. you need to distance yourself away from him and never contact him again it will be hard but nobody deserves that and he sure as hell doesnt love you.

 

DOwn to the point : You need to find someone that treats you with respect love and dignity. Most of all Makes You Happy!

[applecat]

I honestly thought he did love me because he used to say how lucky he felt he was. And he'd be so, so nice in between these phases. Cleaning our room before I got in from work, help me with my car, get me nice things....but I did that too. I cooked for him, bought him things I knew he liked and tried getting him to open his eyes a bit by booking trips away for us both (he's always stayed in his comfort zone, through me he visited places like London and NYC, which he would never do alone).

 

I used to get so desperate for him to care when we argued that I'd try grabbing him to stay, but he'd just get even more angry in turn...and we ended up as bad as eachother. the last time he swung for me though and never apologised in any heartfelt way. I slapped him once after his sister mentioned it because he got so angry and was screaming in my face, I got afraid. Other times I'd grab him to stay when he was leaving. I just wanted him to care when things were bad and not just good.

 

I thought he loved me. He told me in January that he didnt anymore. We stayed together another 5 months after that, and during that time he said he wanted to ask me to marry him next time we went to NYC. How can someone say that only a month after they say they don't love you anymore? And it wasnt said in anger. He said it over about 4-5 days.

 

I thought we were good together. Our friends said we matched. He chased me for years, said how lucky he was, and how surprised he was that I'd say yes. It's worse that we were friends for 3yrs before this too. now....nothing. He wants nothing to do with me and sometimes that kills me. I just wanted him to care.

[Penny55]

Hi there,

Sounds like you are stuck in a bad boy friend rut. There will be better relationships later on. If you let this one go you will be all the wiser for the next time. You can grow from this. IF you stay with this hideous family and their son you are only hurting yourself. These people dont respect you enough for you to remain. You will get kisses and hugs from someone else. Let this go . It's toxic. You are only 25 yrs old. You are too young for this pain. Make some new friends and be done with him.

[applecat]

Thanks all. It's hard hearing this when he had such a sweet side. So random. Gah I don't know...I'm so glad I found this site. You're all wonderful and I thank you so much for listening to me.

 

I always knew if I stayed with him, there would be issues with his parents. Sometimes I went there and his father didn't even turn around to look at me let alone say hello. When I first met them, his mother didn't come out of the kitchen to greet me (I was his first real gf too), and his dad asked nothing about me at all. I felt like I didn't even exist. I always wondered what it would be like having them as in-laws and bring up kids with them around. It hurt that they never tried, when I dated people before their families were lovely to me....why not this one too? Especially since me and my family did SO much for their son. My parents even told him they loved him before they ever did! To their OWN son?!

 

And I'M the one who got the boot? Seems like he's missing more than I am. He didn't just throw away a girl who loved him and fought till the bitter end, but a family who cared for him too.

 

It doesn't make sense.