Penny55 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I guess I was in denial about the distancing signs my boyfriend was displaying. I thought things were fine or lead myself to believe they were. Last Tuesday he told me he had met someone at work a month ago and a relationship has developed. I was blindsided to say the least. We met to talk about it twice for about an hour each time. He knows I'm hurting. He said he would be available to talk over anything I needed to discuss when we said good bye last Thursday and he made a plan with me to talk on the phone at the end of the day on Friday. I'm starting to think more clearly now after the initial shock and need some clarification of just what went on here. Anyway, I called and he didnt answer. I texted saying what time is better for me to call you? and heard no reply. The weekend came and went. Finally, I texted his name with ? next to it and said please respond. Nothing. I was ok Monday morning and of course doing my usual things going along fine then by like 2 30 i was like ok this is ridiculous. I emailed him a note saying I could really use some help here. Please find some time to talk. It's all I'm asking. I m not the begging type. We had a pretty long relationship with no secrets. He has had some issues but was always somewhat considerate of me. What should I be doing here? We are still in the midst of the actual break up talking and he seems to be cutting me off I think. Am I in denial again? I really could use someone's input here. Not sure what to do? Please help.
beatriz2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 It must be horrible what your going through...i have been through there before & it hurts but sometimes is better of to let em go. You should give him his space & cut him off instead of him doing it to you...i know its taugh it aint as easy as it sounds but you should just go out with your friends & have fun in what you been missing out on.
mickydrip Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Thats horrible im going through an actual breakup but yeah. if hes not contacting you by email/text can you maybe go see him sometime at work quickly and ask for lunch or a meetup after work?
Penny55 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 well i have an update. Just now I left a message on his voice mail saying ok heres the thing. You are not making it any easier on me by ignoring me. you are making it easier on you. Your the one with the new relationship. Don't you think after all we did and were to each other that you could afford me some time to hash it out. I just need to understand better so I can move on. I d like nothing better than to move on. So he texted me a simple sentence. I will call you when I m free. yikes! Now what?
Penny55 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 He just responded to a very poignant voicemail I just sent. Said he'll contact me when he is free. Im guessing today. It this will throw me into deep dispair again.
rahul131982 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Penny I think you should find support else where. The guy doesnt really want to talk to you. So why are you trying so hard to talk to him. Find someone else...friends, family or someone here to talk to. Dont do this to yourself.
Penny55 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 thank you . i really need to hear this.. I keep guessing and wondering if this is true or am I misreading something. I guess I feel like Im not finished talking. this just happened a week ago. weve spoken twice really. im willing to let it go.
Trinity11 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Penny, just leave it alone. He won't expect you to go cold turkey on him so do it. And when he comes crawling back (even if its just sheer curiosity) at a later date, guess what? You will have someone or something in your life that leaves his bad behavior for dust.
Penny55 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Ok so if I dont hear from him again. Let it go. If I do hear from him should I not answer the phone? If I do answer then what?
mhowe Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 There is nothing he can say or do to make you feel better. He is gone -- and with someone else. Let it go. Answer the phone if you want -- but I wouldn't. There's nothing to say. And as he has gone this long w/ out getting back to you -- you could wait months until "he is free". This is an extension of the break up to him -- a talk he really doesn't want to have. Walk away.
Penny55 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 So inspite of ( and i never mentioned this cuz i think I know what everyone's reaction will be) the " we will always be best friends" statement last week, shouldnt I have expected more consideration?
mhowe Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Well, expecting might be a strong word. If this is your first break up, then you probably thought he "owed" you the explanation or talk that he offered. But, in reality, it does nothing. So, is he being selfish and rude? Yes. Will you always be best friends? No -- how could you be bf w/ someone who just walked away from you and got into a new relationship? You can't.
Penny55 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 I know it's ludicrus (sp). He said it because we always marveled that we were friends first and lovers second etc. Ok im sorry to be a pain but. here's the thing. I badgered him into calling me sometime today. If he does and I dont answer isnt that like nuts? Now if he doesnt call. well then that's easy. I just let it go. and begin healing. I cant tell you how helpful you have been. Thanks
mhowe Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 If he calls, and don't get your hopes up, answer. And take the high road: "X - thanks for calling. I've been thinking, and really -- there is nothing you can say that changes anything. So --- good bye. Take care." If he doesn't -- you are all set. Let go. Heal. Breathe -- it does get better.
Penny55 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Thank you Thank you Thank you. I'll post what happens later on. I've got to run errands now. This site is a god send and again thanks for the input.
FreeFallFeelin Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Penny, your ex is being a spineless immature wuss. He cheated on you, waited until the established another relationship so he wouldn't have to go without, and now he can't find the time to give a simple response to you when he promised he would. He's a spineless worm, plain and simple. Don't expect him to be in touch, or if he does, don't expect him to provide any comfort or closure. Once dumpers move on to someone else, you and your feelings are just a speed bump in their way. They tend to be insensitive when you wish they would be more sensitive and they don't like to stick around to see the pain they've caused. I promise, one day you will look back out how your bf left you and left you hanging, and you will think "What an immature wuss he was...".
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