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[luckyman]

Wow. I can't believe it's almost been three years.

 

Don't be fooled it's all a roller coaster ride not just the break up but life itself.

 

I made it! I never thought I would but I did. So many times I thought I wouldn't but I did.

 

It took longer than I would have hoped, but everyone heals at their own pace.

 

It's one thing to hear time heals all and another to feel it.

 

I came on here after a break up of 3 years. I was devastated and lost. Looking helplessly for some way to ease the pain and for something to expedite the healing process.

 

You must accept that a chapter has closed. You must accept that dreams will be changed forever. Acceptance is key.

 

I was one of those people who believed I would just never get over my ex that it was impossible that we were meant to be. I really wish I could find a way to say this to show how deeply I believed this, It was a profound idea deep inside me.

 

I let her string me along a couple times through the years, believe it or not she still tries to, I answer but with TRULY no expectations this time around.

 

I just wanted to come on here as I feel I was so lucky to find this gem of a site in my time of need. It was a great place to vent, share stories, and do just what it is named to do, to let us know we are not alone.

 

Here's what I did.

 

I wrote. I cried. I worked out. I faked my happiness. I got depressed. I tried yoga. I continued school. I read books. I drank green tea. I changed my diet. I worked out some more. I hung out with friends. I learned new sports. I obsessed over my ex. I slept alot.

 

Basically what I'm trying to say is I tried a lot of things, I did things that I thought would take away the pain. Some of them made me worse, but some made me a better person today.

 

So what got me thought the break up? The dreaded thing I hated to hear, TIME.

 

When I saw this I would close the thread. I wouldn't want to hear it. I needed something now. This couldn't be advice, time, really?

 

But it is my friends. It's the only reason I have to come back to this site, I know how hard it is. It took me over TWO years to heal for a 3 year relationship, I'm the last person who would want to hear time as advice.

 

And I know most just as I would of will just close this in disappointment. And that's ok.

 

Because its sort of a bittersweet moment when you realize the fact that time was all you needed all this time, the last thing you wanted to hear is now your best friend.

 

Three years later I am, in minimal contact with my ex whom I feel nothing for but a kind heart for time we shared.

 

I have a beautiful woman that I am taking it extremely slowly with and we have now been dating for 5 months. I've found that finding a new person really does put the cherry on top, but dont rush this as it will surely back fire.

 

I'm finally feeling normal again. Like I'm seeing clearly and have snapped back to reality.

 

I will never forget what I went through, it was that hard for me. But boy do I feel strong right now.

 

I want to wish you all the best of luck. You'll all make it, and you'll all make it on your own schedule, and im sure you'll be there right on time for something major.

 

Embrace the journey, change for the better even if it's cuz you feel it would help with getting back with your ex just because if that fails hey at least you improved yourself. I worked out to be even more appealing and now im in great shape and my new girl gets to enjoy it.

 

No one has died from a breakup.

 

You are worth more then being told your are not worth it.

 

Be with with and want to be with some one who wants to be with you.

 

You've just rid yourself of someone who doesn't care for you as much as they should that doesn't love you the way you should be loved. They gave you an opportunity to find the really protagonist to your love story.

 

It feels great to be on the other side and soon you all will know.

 

As one of my favorite posters would always say!

 

Ever Forward

[mpeer]

Thank you for coming back and posting your story!

 

Yes, time does heal but like you said acceptance is key because without it, all the time in the world will not mean anything and you will be stuck suffering.

[One day]

Hi luckyman,

 

Nice post , thank you for coming back to share your views and experiences. Of course your right about it just taking time and a lot of water under the bridge for us all to heal. I think at the beginning our brains do their upmost to fight to keep hold of the hope and memories of our ex's, the thought of just letting go and moving on all to unbelievable for us to comprehend.

 

Glad you got yourself through all the mess and pain and have come out of it all a stronger better person.

 

OD

[luckyman]

Thanks guys, sorry for the messy writing, it was a quick rant on the I-phone.

 

"the thought of just letting go and moving on all to unbelievable for us to comprehend"

[Capricorn3]

Nice post. Always great to see positive messages.

[BoxerShorts]

Great post! See you when we get there! And WE WILL get there!

[Heartbroken17]

Fantastic post! I am only two months post break up after an four and a half year relationship. I've moved past the sadness phase, currently very much in the hatred phase (easier to cope with but still takes quite a lot of effort), looking forward to the indifference phase

[quirky]

Great post. I have also been one of these people that has taken forever to let go. I would avoid threads like this because really I din't want to believe it. And you're right, the feeling is bittersweet..I am managing it now after 9 months and can see that eventually I will be ok, something I never thought before.

[Hira]

Nice! Time heals your pain and when you feel that you forgot it new and interesting things happen in your life.

[Grace696]

Thanks for posting this, luckyman! It was helpful to me today.

[brickheart]

I wrote. I cried. I worked out. I faked my happiness. I got depressed. I tried yoga. I continued school. I read books. I drank green tea. I changed my diet. I worked out some more. I hung out with friends. I learned new sports. I obsessed over my ex. I slept alot.

 

Basically what I'm trying to say is I tried a lot of things, I did things that I thought would take away the pain. Some of them made me worse, but some made me a better person today.

 

Hm... Hopefully MOST of those things didn't make you worse, because I've tried almost all of them except for sleeping a lot... and learning new sports (but I am learning new hobbies). Which things helped the most, for you? I actually woke up early this morning and thought about doing some yoga, but then I slept some more instead.

 

Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for this post. It really helps to know that, in the end, we WILL get through this. I'm not avoiding this thread at all, even though I'm in the midst of my mourning... it really does help to know that even though it feels like nothing is helping, we're getting better and better all the time, because of time.

 

It reminds me of that saying (and I'm paraphrasing here): you might as well use the time well that you were going to spend badly... the time will pass anyway.

[ScraggyBits]

Love it man, you just pulled me outta today's hole of depression , thanks . Glad you made it .

[strawberrybonb]

Thanks for sharing these words of hope with us, luckyman! This post really resonated with me.

 

Still feeling down some days, but I'm already much stronger than I was a couple of months ago. I think I'm finally getting it that, yes, time heals all.

[JA0371]

Nice update. So glad you are happy again...that iis what ultimately everyone wants...to feel hope and happiness again!!

I think it's important after a heartbreak to give up trying to 'remedy' yourself into feeling better. It takes as long as it takes...period. Being on that up and down roller coaster everyday just plain sucks!! But time is ultimately the TRUE healer. Thank you for that reminder!!

[luckyman]

All these replies make me really glad I wrote this.

 

Im surprised that so many read it completely, im not afraid to admit i might of closed a thread like this.

 

 

So let me answer some questions:

 

 

Well most of those things made me better but then again for the most part the only way was up. The gym has probably been the best for me as I was able to take an hour in the day and either forget about what I was going through or use it as fuel to push out one last rep.

 

 

With Yoga I felt it really relaxed me but I was never able to consistently fit it into my lifestyle, I really do believe in it though, so I just tried to have a decent 15 minute stretch session before each workout.

 

 

I forgot to write in my first thread but I ran, I ran at 8pm,I ran at 12am at 2am whenever I needed a getaway I had an awsome playlist and ran a mile or two or three at a time, I think this really helped me sleep at night.

 

 

School for me was probably the hardest thing to focus on, but luckily I am now a college graduate

 

I hope all of you that are still in School stay focused and know that it is of top priortiy and importance, dont slack!!!

 

 

I was always a reader, but I was able to stumble upon two gems that I devoured slowly, im sure most have read it as they are quite popular but Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns were two novels that really were able to help me forget my sorrows and feel the emotions of the book.

 

 

All in all the common theme was finding an escape, not to avoid but to relax, an hour out of the day where I wasn't thinking about her, then two hours which soon turned to three, then four..and on and on. Make your escapes productive, make them frequent, if your enjoying them don't stop until you absolutely have to, I ran 8 miles once.

 

 

Another thing is music choice, I know a good love song or break up song is hard to walk away from, but I noticed that putting more up-beat music really did help, even if just a little. Trust me I was on here when BreakEven was playing on every station like 40 times a day and Lady Antabelum was right there with them.

 

 

I changed my diet as much as possible with what I have, kicked sodas to the curb, picked up on green tea which has stuck with me. Added more vegetables to my diet, never was that much of a fan but they've grown on me. Also fish oil and a multi vitamin, along with some fruits. Did the diet help to feel better, honestly not really, did I look better yes. But the main reason for it was for energy, my brain was running at a mile a minute for what seemed to be every minute of the day, it takes its toll, I was losing steam, but i must say the food and vitamins really helped with my energy levels.

 

 

There are alot of kind hearts here, help eachother, motivate, grow and overcome!

 

 

I'll be poking around for a bit, and sooner or later I will fade our of here again.

 

 

However feel free to ask anything on here or PM me, I can't promise I will answer right away or even the next day as were all busy, but when I do come passing by ill be sure to reply.

 

 

When you find a moment of positivity, run with it, and enjoy it.

 

 

So let keep this a nice and positive thread.

 

 

There's many others to vent on

 

 

Have a great day everyone!!!

 

 

Again appologies for the writting, ran through it on my I-Phone

[JA0371]

Thank you Luckyman!!! All of this helped me for sure....I am so happy for you!! Best wishes with your new lady too!!

[NewHope]

Thank you so much for posting this. Finally something that made me feel a little better today.

 

I was one of those people who believed I would just never get over my ex that it was impossible that we were meant to be. I really wish I could find a way to say this to show how deeply I believed this, It was a profound idea deep inside me.

I'm totally like this, i find it hard to believe that i will ever stop loving my ex. But after reading your post i see that is possible. Even if it takes 2 years. Hope i'll get there one day.

 

I wish you all the best in your new relationship. Cheers!

[FreeFallFeelin]

Nice post Luckyman. So happy for you!

 

I've been having one of those "I'm NEVER going to get over this" days today, and your post made me feel less hopeless. Of course, I'm probably quite a bit older than you, so maybe never will get over this! Just kidding :stupid: