font7564 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Hi everyone. I stumbled upon this website and think it could help me a bit. I recently went through a breakup (3 days ago) that I did not see coming at all and don't know how to deal with the fact that I want him back. My ex and I met at the end of the last school year (4 months ago). It was honestly like instant attraction and we started dating really soon after we met (which was a fluke chance and I always felt like it was fate that we met). Anyways, he had to move away for the summer, so we knew we were going to be long distance for about 4 months until he came back. We skyped pretty much every day and really got to know each really well. We connected on so many levels and had the same opinions on the really important stuff. He said he saw us being together five years down the road and us moving in together at the end of this school year and how he saw this really lasting. Last week, he came down for a visit. Leading up to it, I was in a bad mood because I was stressed from work and a little mad at him because he was late to our Skype dates and I was frustrated, but I never said anything about it. He was so excited to come up and would text things like "I'm going to speed to get there and I've been waiting so long to see you". He came and everything was fine. We had fun together, he cooked for me, etc. I was still in a bit of a bad mood because of work but I explained everything to him and he seemed to understand. Four days ago, I came home from work expecting him to meet me there for supper and we were going to go out that night. I texted him twice wondering if he wanted supper or if I should eat alone. He never responded. That night, he didn't come back and I never heard from him. I was frustrated because I felt like he was keeping me waiting for him and I was worried if he was okay. The next morning, he comes back and acts like nothing happened. I told him I was upset and cried a bit saying I would have appreciated a text or something and emphasized that I was not mad at all he went out, but it would've been nice to know his plans so I could've made my own. Well he starts saying stuff about how he's a **** and an ******* and he never means to hurt me. And then, all of a sudden he says that maybe we should'nt be together. I was shocked because I wasn't expecting it at all and this is not something to break-up over. I say "this wasn't my intention" and he says he knows. I press him for answers and he says that "right now, he's trying to be nice and be a gentleman, but during school, he's going to be mean and he doesn't want to hurt me like that". He also said that I didn't deserve to be treated like he treats me (when he was talking about how he didn't mean to hurt my feelings by not calling and how it was a **** move). He also says that we have different views on things like if it's important to call or not. He also said that he didn't want to breakup during the school year and so it's better this way in the long run. I tried to tell him that there's no point breaking up over something that hasn't happened yet but he was adament. He said that he still wanted to be friends and could even hang out as friends this weekend but I said no because I cared too strongly for him. He also at one point, while we was leaving, said that he thought that this was the relationship that would stick, which gave me really mixed messages. He kept saying he was sorry and said he was really sorry when I said I didn't want to be friends. Now, I'm hoping that this was a rash, last minute decision that he hadn't really thought through. I have broken off contact (we haven't spoken since) and am waiting for him to say he made a mistake. I am dying with this no contact because we have talked/skyped every day since we met and it's all gone now. Do you think there's hope that we could get back together? I am especially second guessing the next being friends thing because now everyone's saying that if we were to be friends, the spark might come back for him. I just don't know if I could handle being friends and having to potentially see him with other girls, pretend like I don't have feelings, read into to everything he does and says, etc. I just don't know what to do. I'm devastated by this because this was not how I saw the weekend going. I just can't understand what happened. Any insight?
RyanHope Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this.. you definitely need to go with the no contact thing for at least a little while though. I can tell you from my recent experience it really helps to clear your head. I don't really see a clear reason for the break up though, and that itself can make things much harder on you. If it was me, I'd probably have to get a specific answer for why he wanted to end things first. Not having answers is not fun, and if you're like me, you're pondering all the possible reasons..
Blue92 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Kinda strange he would call off the relationship on what should have been just a tiff. This is something he was planning on doing for a while and probably just needed the right opportunity to do it. If he has any man junk, he would say why he wanted to call it off in the first place. It's not just because he was late to dinner... I'm sorry this hapened to you. HUGS!!!
font7564 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Yeah I'm really trapped in my head, wondering what went wrong because I don't see it at all and he was very vague about it. And he always said if he were to breakup with me because he no longer had feelings, he would be honest and tell the truth. So I'm very confused and upset.
Blue92 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Well, in that case, it is even more lousy for him not to give you a straight up answer. He probably just doesn't know how to say whatever the problem was to you without hurting you. So, he's either hopefully thinking about how to give a better answer or he is just a coward. I mean, he couldn't even tell you something was wrong without getting into an argument over dinner...
font7564 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 I just don't know what to do. NC, LC, wait for him. If there's even a chance that he still cares about me and wants to be with me, I want him to know that I want those things too. I told him I wanted to be with him and I wasn't going to beg and he said ok. I just want to know if I'm hoping for nothing
font7564 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 It is lame and I alternate between wanting him back and saying good riddance because that's a crappy way to deal with things and I'm not like that and I thought he wasn't either. We both say we were honest, up-front people.
Blue92 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 The beest thing you can do is to leave it alone for right now, hopefully he will get back to you in the meantime. After, just keep small contact and play it cool and casual. Like I say, break-ups should be the only time when you are selfish and only think about yourself girl! Don't let him control you! Show him that you can manage yourself perfectly fine without him and it will make yourself look more appealing. Maybe one day go out as friends and casually ask why things didn't work out. remember, whatever you do, do not make yourself look desperate and needy for him. It will be a major turn off and push him further away!
DN Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 It could be that this incident clarified something that had been in his mind for some time - that is often what happens with breakups. People are unsure whether to continue with the relationship or not and then something, apparently minor, is the tipping point for them to come to a decision. It may seem lame to the person who is taken by surprise but to the person leaving it makes sense.
font7564 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Well he's moved back since he was visiting for a week.I was thinking of giving it 2 to 3 weeks and then asking for a Skype call (I know he would agree to it) and just say he really hurt me and I'd like to know the reasons why if he can give it to me so I know and then explain to him why I can't be friends until I'm completely over it and we both want the same kind of relationshipp (wether friends or more). Doyou think he will contact me? Especially since we used to skype daily and he said it was the best part of his day?
DN Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 If you told him you didn't want to be friends there is a good chance he won't contact you.
font7564 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 So i really f-ed it up by saying that? Crap. Now I feel more terrible. I'm so bad at this. I miss him so much.
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