He's confused

[copper87]

Last night, I met with my ex for the first time since our breakup about 2 weeks ago. He told me that we weren't happy and weren't working because we didn't know how to communicate with each other. He's right about that, but I didn't realize that until after the breakup. I made it clear to him that I was willing to work on this, but he needed to be, too. He said he didn't know and that he needed more time.

 

He told me that he loved me. That he'd named our children. That the last three years were wonderful. We'd learned a lot from each other, but we're not happy now. He said we should stay friends.

 

He started to cry harder than I've ever seen him cry before. We hugged for a long, long time. There were a few times when I tried to break out of the hug, but he held on. I told him that he was making me confused, but he still held on. Then, he started stroking my hair and kissing my cheek. I put a stop to it there and left. I don't think he knows what he wants. I know I want to be with him, but it'll only work if he feels the same way. We are still in love.

[brickheart]

I know how you feel. I've noticed that your and my breakups are similar. Our exes are both confused, although they're still in love. I think one important thing is that we both need to give our exes time, without any kind of contact, to think about what they want, and to think about whether they're willing to commit to a relationship with us.

 

If yes, then obviously they need to figure out how they're going to change to make the relationship work.

 

If no, then there's nothing we can do to convince them (sadly).

 

So either way... go no contact. Trust me, I've been in your shoes, and it's ridiculously hard. But it's the right thing to do. Way to be strong and leave - I definitely wasn't able to do that (I spent the night after he asked me to). But since he's confused, it's definitely the right move.

[copper87]

Unfortunately, we lived together, so there are some logistical things that we need to sort out. I will do my best to set up the boundaries, as far as physical contact, and time spent together...maybe not allowing any time alone with him...

 

I don't really feel like this relationship has to be over. Communication issues? Us and every other couple ever! I'm committed to making this relationship work, but I'd be so sad if he didn't put forth the effort, too. To complicate things further, we had been planning to move out of state in 2 months. I still am (grad school). I told him that we might grow apart through that, and he said he didn't want us to. I just don't think this is over. I want to convince myself that it is and move on, but I'm struggling.