Hardtimes Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 My gf of 2 yrs broke up w me and im just so lost.. She said there was something missing and there was a void in our relationship.. Without putting up a fight i accepted it and respected her coz i genuinely love her...i didnt think we shouldnt be together if she wasnt completely happy... I appreciated her honesty and i havent contacted her in a week...its really been hitting me hard now, waking up not being able to see or text her... Its killing me im always in tears but ive stayed strong when it comes to nc...just need to hear from people for any motivation, i dont have a family to turn to so this has all been on me the last few days, i help myself by working out, working etc but the a big hole in my heart right now and i just miss her despite everything
VeryConfused17 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Hey Hardtimes. I went through the same thing you did last September. Man does it suck. It hurt so much at first for me, but as time went on I got a lot better. Just want to give you a heads up that its gunna kill you at times and you'll be ok with it at times. Its a roller coaster of highs and lows that go hour by hour, day by day, week by week. Tims heals all wounds. It was the hardest for me when she moved on shortly after. Do yourself a favor as hard as it may be, stick with NC. That mean's not checking her facebook also. The less details you know about her the better and faster you will heal. I cannot stress this enough. I kept checking up on her for months before i got sick of the pain. Just don't go there. As far as the working out goes. Props to you man. It will help you so much in the long run. Take it a step further and challenge yourself to a competition or a race, or a new style of working out. I lost 20 lbs did a half marathon, loved it, now im doing a full one in a few months. I switched to cross fit. I like it not just because of the workout I get but its a community kind of thing. You work out with the same people and make new friends. It's seriously a cool concept. As far as healing. If she contacts you dont respond, or if you really have to then just keep it short, and dont reveal any details of how you are. Also try out things you used to love as a kid (art, biking, movies you used to love, music, etc.). Don't worry it gets better with time. Just prepare yourself for some low moments, and it'll make it easier to get through them. It's like eating mushrooms, if you start freaking out just tell remind yourself that is probably because you ate mushrooms. haha, that was supposed to be a light hearted joke. Stay away from drugs. They're bad for you. Concentrate on numero uno for now. Stay strong.
tallydoo Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Hiya Hardtimes, I'm sorry that you're hitting that point. Almost everyone here's been there, and we're all here for you. With NC, I've found that the pain gets worse before it gets better (I'm not sure if that's true for everyone). But you start out with this really great motivation to work on yourself...and then all of a sudden it hits you that your ex might never see all of this working on yourself, and you can't talk to them about how great your life is or how excited about things you are...and then comes the big readjustment to relying on yourself and friends. It starts to get better after that. It's a big process, and just keep in mind that, even though you're trying to move on, it doesn't have to happen in a day, a week, or even a month. You're allowed to hurt, and sometimes it hurts worse when you have such an amicable breakup. Let me know if you need anything. ~tally
tallydoo Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 It's like eating mushrooms, if you start freaking out just tell remind yourself that is probably because you ate mushrooms. haha, that was supposed to be a light hearted joke. Stay away from drugs. They're bad for you. HA. What?!
VeryConfused17 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Just trying to say that when you're in low moments to just remind yourself that's perfectly normal to feel that way due to the heartache, and to understand to that it will pass in time when the heartache wears off. Just like bad trip stops when the mushrooms wear off. Supposed to be a funny analogy to lighten the mood, but I think I'm just digging myself deeper here. It's normal to hurt. let yourself be sad, angry, in pain etc. Get the feelings out. No sense in bottling them up, because they'll surface eventually. Take time to heal yourself and move on, don't try to rush into another relationship to heal yourself.
Hardtimes Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Omg ty guys so much.., im a pretty decent guy and r doin the right things on my end.. Wrote on here becasr the pain got a little too much.. I def will stay in nc for the mere fact that its faster to heal that way and although her and i r done i respect myself and i do respect her decision as painful as it is...the sole reason im here is to just reach out, the pain gets so overwhelming no matter how on top of thing u are.. I appreciate u guys so much and i feel better knowing theres people like u guys that cares about how a complete stranger feels... Feel free to talk to me if u guys need to be heard as well
tallydoo Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Haha, no, it was just an unexpected statement. I thought it was hilarious It's normal to hurt. let yourself be sad, angry, in pain etc. Get the feelings out. No sense in bottling them up, because they'll surface eventually. Take time to heal yourself and move on, don't try to rush into another relationship to heal yourself. Also, ^this, Hardtimes.
tallydoo Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 That's fine and normal. It's good to acknowledge that, too. I had some problems starting to heal because I was so focused on healing and going, "No, I don't miss him. He broke up with me. Why should I miss him?" But eventually I just confronted the fact that I was (and still am) in love with him, and a part of me probably always will, and then I started healing. It's okay. It'll get better, I promise.
VeryConfused17 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 All normal man. Try this when you have time. It'll help sort your feelings out. I wrote journal (was going to be a post for here, but was way too long [4 pages] so i just saved it on my comp). Basically jsut wrote about how we met, the good times, the bad times, the annoying things she did, the hurt she caused me, traced my relationship from the beginning to the end, and to how I was healing at the time. I just looked at it the other day and re-read it ( i stumbled on it accidently), man have I come a looong way since then. Time's a savior and a real b*tch at the same time. It can't go by fast enough. Fear not, though, turn here when in need. Read other people's posts, you'll quickly learn that you aren't the only one in pain. In fact there's plenty of people on here that are in way worse situations. Healing will come in due time... One more random point, avoid drinking for a while (if you drink that is). It may help you sleep on restless nights, but the hangovers are primetime for those low moments. You'll also be able to face your healing with a clear head if you don't for awhile.
tallydoo Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 The journaling idea is great. I did that as well. Also, this thread may help:
sweetestdesire Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I would write a pretend letter to her. As if you were actually going to send it. with date, dear etc. Everything you've ever wanted/ need to tell her.. & then BURN it
beatriz2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Iam so close to going through that n it really sucks....
Heartbroken17 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Hardtimes - I really feel for you, these first few days/weeks are the starkest and darkest and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I was there too - actual physical pain. Time passing does of course help - but here are the things I did to get me through it: - I keep a journal. It's a really good outlet for your emotions and you start to see patterns over time and learn to avoid the things that make you feel bad. I started out each day by writing a section purely on how I was feeling and a section on my feelings specifically towards him. It's actually very interesting to read back and see how I've changed in both respects - During the first couple of weeks - I called the Samaritans quite a few times. They really were great at listening when I had no one around at 2am and in my darkest hour. - I started taking St John's Wort tablets (a natural remedy for anxiety and depression). They really have been a godsend and felt my mood balancing out almost immediately after taking them - and I felt better knowing I wasn't resorting to prescription anti-depressants. - I had weekly acupuncture sessions - absolutely brilliant. My acupuncturist is a genius with the needles - I went for a deep tissue massage at a Chinese herbal remedy place. We're carrying a lot of tension and stress which tends to bunch up in our backs and shoulders, I felt really relieved afterwards. - I joined link removed groups in my area - It distracted me, I met a bunch of new people and have seen parts of London I've never seen before. - I absolutely NEVER contact my ex. Any contact is brief and kept to email purely to sort house issues (we lived together for four years). Out of everything this has been the best thing I've done for myself. - Self help books. 'The Journey from Abandonment to Healing' is great and am now reading "It's called a break up because it's broken' - also a fantastic book. - Re-connect with friends. I had been so wrapped up in my relationship that I had abandoned friendships, it's great to be seeing them again I guess what I'm saying is - I've thrown all my efforts into trying to find ways to heal myself rather than wallow, and gradually I started focusing on that more and two months later I do feel better. Don't make the mistake I did though and fill your days up so much that you don't learn to deal with being on your own. I went through several weeks filling up every hour of the day and the moment I was alone I broke down. I've now learned to balance busy time with alone time much more. I hope that helps We're all here for you, and we all know what you're going through. No feeling you're having is silly or an overreaction - it's normal and you will go through up and down phases where you'll learn to cope with the downs and know they are temporary and enjoy the ups. Big hugs to you xxx
OuchMyBrain Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through so recently. I just want to say, at some point you will need to face it and deal with it. You can prolong it, like how I did and lived in denial for over a year until now...or you can say "I don't want to feel this way for too long". Complete physical and mental distance is really the only thing that helps. I noticed i'm a super visual person. I drive around and see places we used to hang, and start wanting to cry. There are so many mental attachments I had, and still have towards my ex...but after a year of hurting, i'm so worn down from feeling that way. I legitimately had to flee. I'm going to be moving tomorrow to live with my cousin and be out of state for a month. I needed to do something drastic, not everyone is like that. But anyways, I fully advocate throwing away certain reminders of your ex, or not listening to certain music or frequenting certain places until your ready. Quite honestly, you're the one in pain, not your ex. By the time someone breaks up with you, they make it clear it's something they already decided on. Also, if they say "they don't know yet", it's another nice way of stringing you along. My suggestion to you is start some new visual memories, do things you never would have done before.
OuchMyBrain Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Oh! and ps. You are SO awesome for keeping to NC! I'm genuinely impressed that you have kept your dignity and haven't given in. Major props!
unhappy2000 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Stay with NC, I cannot imagine how much worse I would feel without it. I will admit I hope the NC does make him miss me and contact me sure...but I am pretty much to the point after 11 weeks that I am giving up hope but boy has the NC helped, if I was talking to him it would be so much worse. I feel miserable and depressed but when I think back to the first few weeks I know for a fact I am so much better.
Hardtimes Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 I feel so lucky to have compassionate people to take time out of ur busy schedules to reach out and help someone like me...i feel better knowing u guys r behind me, u guys should kno that i am also here for u guys as well, i appreciate every one of u guys...im devastated but i def do all the right things in this case, and with ur advice and stories i am inspired to be an even better person...im gonna be a commercial chef in 10 months and i start school in a week so im excited about that, i also just got offered by my good friend some studio time for free so i can writ and arrange songs to pass time, hes been so supportive, times like these makes me realize my self worth that i am valuable thats why people wanna help me and its empowering...i will fight this proactively, i owe it to myself and people like u guys who wanna see me do well....thank u...today i feel great but i will keep reachin out when this rollercoaster shoots back to te bottom, at this stage its only a matter of time, but i will keep fighting
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