BoxerShorts Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 My story... Mutual agreement to BU because he had a girlfriend... Good break-up. I broke NC... Texted him dots (...) just dots, he replied and we've been texting an overkill of dots and smileys since this morning... In my moment of weakness I felt strongest... Possible adrenalin surge as I'm sure most of you have experienced when initially breaking NC and getting a reply. Haha I feel so dumb know analysing and over-analysing dots... and smileys... (aaahh I should've stoped after the most solemn smiley face hahaha) I really am laughing. What I want: For him to tell me to stop... to stop hoping... just a straight answer to my face. That me & him are not going to happen. & that he is happy. I know you'll all say but his actions or non-thereof should have at least gave me an idea. It doesn't. But still... I don't want anything hanging. I waited for someone longer than that because it was still hanging... (therapy soon) But as at now and after all I endured, 11 days of NC I think I'd rather hear that and get it over with... Than to go on, or try to go on and have that cloud hanging over my head.
jumper11 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Don't worry too much, I went about 20 Days NC and broke it today. He texted me 8 times in just over one day.. so I lost it (in an angry way). I actually still feel fine. He's calling me tomorrow supposedly and I'm going to let him have it. Sure, I could have continued ignoring, but I shouldn't be receiving that many texts, and with that content. Just start NC again. You'll be okay, hang in there. ***You may never get the straight up answer and what you want.. And even if you do, there's a chance the whole thing's a sham (the why, what where). Mine sure was.. I know its hard, but eventually you won't care/
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 hi boxer before you rely on him too much to end it in your head , remember your truth ! what made you do this to start with ! and that him texing back is just a sign that he is willing to possibly get back to the same scenario has you have already been in . In essence in may feel your offering him his cake again ...you have gone to him and he may think you just can't be without him so you will be happy to be apart of his life while his g/friend gets the most part. he has told you he will never leave her , do you imagine that has changed ? I hope your ok boxer xx
BoxerShorts Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Thanks Jumper. That's just it. I'm not angry. Suppose I should. We broke up in good terms, but regardless all BUs are equally hurtful. I think what I really need is the truth from him so I don't have to wait. I'm sorry, I'm wired that way. A big no would do. Haha having faced that, I feel sorta good. I can release him in all honesty. One big hurt as opposed to pretending to ignore the cloud above my head... Haha saying this and meaning it is actually making me feel better. A light however dim is just at the end of the tunnel. I want to get there, I really do. Jumper, has he been texting you all that time, the past 20 days? Such a waste of energy if you're gearing up for a fight. I should read your backstory. But then again, isn't he just provoking you?
BoxerShorts Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Thanks Star... The thing is he has always said he was going to leave her.. but can't now. (Me: Meltdown: If not now when? Him: I don't know. 9 years! (half-joking, like how I waited for the other) Hence the BU. No, it's only been a little over a week. I'm positive nothing has changed. And no, I do not want to back to the anxiety of that 4 months with him, him telling me he'll see his gf that weekend or any other day for that matter. I was the happiest person with him, but at the same time the saddest. I was the most secure yet, most insecure person when I was with him. Makes sense? It has affected my health, my mind, my work & my kids... Star, That's just it. I'm not going back to that life. I don't want to wait either. The scenario of the B.U. was for both of us to get our lives in order and then we'll be together. Now... I don't want that anymore. I do not want to hope. I want a good old fashioned B.U. Haha the one with the kicking & screaming and the I hate you's! Kidding. Haha not the one hanging over my head. I've done that for 9 years, it wasn't pretty. Star, am not going back. Albeit, I want this out of my system. I don't want to consciously nor unconsciously wait.
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I know what you mean about the good old fashioned breakup ...done and dusted ..hey you never did find out why he was going to leave but now can;t did you ?
BoxerShorts Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 you never did find out why he was going to leave but now can;t did you ? Sorry didn't get that?
jumper11 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Yeah, mine's a long story. We broke up originally 1.5 years ago lol. Yeah, in 20 days he messaged almost 20 times. Nc for 2 months once, he contacted 40 times. Since the day he left, it's been consistent and extreme. Hang in there. I got to 20 days and already stopped caring (we got back together and he left me again like a day later but he wont leave me alone). Exes are messy, I think you should go NC. It gets easier around the 3 week mark of NC, for me anyways.
BoxerShorts Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Wow Jumper what roller coaster ride! At some point it must stop & come to a full hault. That would probably surprise him even more... I want to. But can't with hope still looming over my head. I'm not coming back. I just want that hope killed as it killed me 9 years before (not with him.) Sigh... can't say I'm not embarrassed by all this. Me breaking NC after my resolve. But in my moment of weakness, I find another resolve. To find/hear that one thing so I could kill the hope.
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Sorry didn't get that? sorry darling ..I am not long up ..hahah sometimes I write how I speak , which is thick yorkshire ...but then you have no idea what the hell yorkshire is do you ! I meant he was going to leave right ? but then said he can never leave his g/friend ? so I was asking if you ever did find out the reaosn why he now can't leave his g/friend ?
BoxerShorts Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Haha Asian darling, so no hehe. No I still can't face up and ask. Lavender has always said to make her real. No, I still couldn't ask...
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 everything will come in your own time darling ... go back and read lavenders stuff , she seemed to hit the nail on the head for you and make you feel stronger . dont beat yourself up though over what you can and cant do right now ..I really think we all move at our own pace , be it months ..weeks or hours ...in our own time .
BoxerShorts Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Aaaah I shoulda stopped at the last laughing face this afternoon... Content to stop after his 6th reply and let it be... I had to send him a sleeping smiley tonight. Tsk.
BoxerShorts Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 I'm in for a major heartbreak tonight...
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I'm in for a major heartbreak tonight... ?? why ..you ok ?
BoxerShorts Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 I saw him cry… because I’m being a better person without him. & that I have accomplished a lot in 11 days…. Things that he has been hammering me to do in our four months together. (I remember him countering my theory of him being a distraction before, now he has accepted it.) Albeit very proud. Sad that it had to take him leaving before I could do the things I needed to do. Without him. I saw him cry. In the realisation he’s not good for me anymore… But I saw him cry. He shouldn’t have… But I saw him cry… Let’s leave it at that... Back to NC day 1...
BoxerShorts Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Back to NC Day 2.... Still numb and of course, with that temporary charge of having to talk and see him (that didn't change anything, mine nor his resolve. Sorta like Part 2 and a confirmation of our initial break-up last 05 July. Jokingly he was asking for Part 3. Solemnly I said I broke NC, next time it should come from him on the premise we have sorted our lives out and of course if/when he's single..... It's out of my hands now. Aaaaah... this romance novel in my head. tsk. My goal, to try and continue LIVING without CONSCIOUSLY WAITING nor WAITING. To continue what I started (life goals.) If he comes or anyone else for that matter at least I am without baggages. And kill the crazies out of me! I want to, need to LOVE MYSELF. I don't know how because I have always let men, other people fill in that void. There will be bad times, I'm sure. But for that there's ENA haha.
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