Did I Do The Right Thing?

[MrABlair23]

I am a 17 year old guy who just broke up with his 15 year old girlfriend of 8 months. We are both very much into the performing arts, and we had supporting roles last fall in our production of Willy Wonka Jr. (Mr. and Mrs. Bucket). Throughout the whole musical, she was absolutely fantastic. After the final performance, she came up to me and asked if I would like to go out with her. That's where it began, but I don't think I took into account everything that she came with. I was just looking at her performance. Her parents have been going through a lot, and they always treat her like crap. Well, everytime I tried to do something with her, she always said that she was too depressed to do anything, which I completely understand. My parents are terrible too. But, she would continually tell me everyday about how awful they are, calling or texting me every hour on the hour. I can understand her wanting to talk, but I had about 3 AP classes, plus the lead role of our spring musical Carousel, being Vice President of NHS, and attempting to maintain a 4.0 average. I just didn't have any time.

 

But, we went along with it and summer came along. I didn't have a license yet, but my parents were pretty understanding about the whole thing, and they dropped us off in our little town square every now and again, and we hung out. But, the more that we hung out, the more I realized that we had absolutely nothing in common. Even when we talked on the phone, it was just awkward silence. I got my license about 2 weeks ago, and I have been picking her up every now and again, but I have to keep up with gas prices and manage what money I have. I don't know what it was, but she just did not understand this and she kept telling me "You never spend any time with me at all!"

 

We had 3 periods together during school, hung out every weekend and during musicals, went to all dances together (including Prom) and I go and pick her up every now and again. Also, everytime something occurred with her parents or siblings, she would always go and take it out on me, continuously saying and asking me "Do you want to break up?!" I didn't want to at the time because I was happy, but she would ask me this almost everyday. I really felt that she did want to break up, but everytime things got serious or I talked about our future together, she was absolutely inconsolable starting to cry and saying, "Please! We can work this out! Please don't break up with me!"

 

This week, I told her that we may be able to hang out if I had enough gas by the weekend, and she said "OK." Today, I noticed I didn't have enough to get to her house, let alone go hang out around town, and I didn't have any money. I'm tired of asking my parents for money because I know that they don't have any as well. I explained this to her, and she absolutely just started freaking out on me. So, I told her that I was just finished with her blaming everything on me, saying we never spend any time together (when we do), and just done! However, she has had a history of self-harm and I'm afraid that she may hurt herself, and I feel like absolute crap like I want to die.. So, my question is: Did I do the right thing?

[Abigaelle]

Hi,

 

I am only 20 years old, but I had many experiences with different guys ( diff age, culture, past, etc). I read everything you wrote for us. I have been in a similar situation. And the most interesting thing is that I know how it feels to be HER ..and how it feels to be YOU. So I think I can help you a bit...

It seems you're a great communicator and that you tried to make things work. You have to remember that you're not hero. Maybe you saved people in your life, in different ways, but you cannot save her from her life. It may sound selfish, but you did the right think. Yes, I think you did the right thing. You have the right to be happy, manage your time and your money as you wish. It is true that she needed ( and she may still need) you, but the only thing you can do is to be her friend and make her understand that she should learn how to deal with her life. There are many possibilities for her : psychology, meditation, keeping busy with school ( since performing arts are known to keep you busy all the time), etc.

 

You could either try to check up on her once in a while ( through common friends, or calling her) just to calm down and be sure she's not doing anything stupid. And even if she ever does such a thing, it wouldn't be your fault, because she already has many reasons to hurt herself and the proof is she "has had a history of self-harm ".

 

I hope I could help a bit.