im sandra dee Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I wasn't able to get together with my boyfriend today because I needed to get some things done at home. I called him tonight to make plans for tomorrow but he responded by saying that he doesn't feel well and he doesn't feel like it. I suspect that he is angry that I didn't see him today. I don't think he understands or appreciates that I have a life of my own and things that I need to do that might require me to spend time away from him. I don't believe that he feels sick. Just two weeks ago he was really sick with a cold, cough and runny nose and he wanted me to spend time with him. What do I do? What can I do? He doesn't want to get together tomorrow. I was looking forward to it all day because I was rushing to finish a huge task today so it would free up time tomorrow because I want to spend it with him.
Adam Fenix Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 just straight up tell him you had stuff to do an that is why you made tomorrow free for him, so you could spend time with him. he will get over ... if you dont see him spend some time with some friends
pinkelephant Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 did you tell him ahead of time? or did you kind of stand him up? if so, i can see why he'd be mad and you should be more clear next time? unless you never had plans and he just wanted to see you but you were busy then i'm kind of like him, i get pouty when my bf doesnt spend time with me when i want him to. as long as he ignores me when i'm being pouty, it's okay. lol i know it's my own problem and not his. just don't give in. haha
DN Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 What did you have to do today that you could not have done tomorrow? It seems you want to have things on your schedule and his diesn't matter - i.e. he has to be available when you want him to be but you don't have to be for him.
im sandra dee Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 What did you have to do today that you could not have done tomorrow? It seems you want to have things on your schedule and his diesn't matter - i.e. he has to be available when you want him to be but you don't have to be for him. I had some work to do which I have been neglecting to spend time with him. Many things in my life have been neglected for him. For the relationship. He was planning to go out of town to visit a friend on Saturday so that is why I chose that day to dedicate to my task. Then his plan fell through because his friend was busy. I guess he thought that I should change my plan because he was no longer busy. I don't understand him. I called him last night to see how his day was without me and if he was happy on his own and he informed me that he is depressed. I don't know if he is being honest or if he is attempting to manipulate me. I think that it may be manipulation. In that case, I don't feel a strong desire to be with him anymore and sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I met another man who would be more compatible with me.
DN Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Well. my question remains - could you not have done the work you were planning to do on Saturday on Sunday instead?
im sandra dee Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Why? What difference does it make whether I did my work on Saturday or Sunday, he would just see it as a day that I am not spending with him.
im sandra dee Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Because you could have negotiated rather than imposed. I did negotitate with him. He was planning to go out of town to visit his friend and I planned to do my work while he was away. My life has pretty much revolved around him for months. I needed one day to get caught up on something important that I have been neglecting because I have been spending all of my spare time with him. One day. Was that too much to expect he'd understand? Now he isn't taking my calls anymore. I need him. I told him that. But he only wants me to fit into his life exactly the way he wants me and not in a way that is practical to me. I own a business, I work full time hours and I have to commute to work which leaves only a few hours each night free for other things. I've made many sacrifices for him and I don't see him making any sacrifices for me. None. I don't want to be alone is this world but alone is what I am.
DN Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Well, at the risk of you not liking what I say, it seems to me that you are being very rigid over this. Perhaps he is reacting badly, but I still don't see why you could not have done on Sunday what you planned to do on Saturday once his plans had changed. That is what compromise is about. But your attitude seems to be "You were going to be away, I planned to do this and that on Saturday and, even though your plans have fallen through, I am unwilling to change mine." If you could not do on Sunday what you did on Saturday that would be different but you haven't said that, you just asked what difference it would make. But what you could have said was "I have to spend a few hours this weekend getting some needed stuff done, I had planned to do it on Saturday but can shift it to Sunday. It does mean we can't see each other both days but which one works best for you?"
im sandra dee Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 Update: I found out that he met someone. I thought that he was angry that I had work to do on that Saturday but it turns out that he was making plans to meet someone else and he did.
im sandra dee Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 I am going to start a new thread about this.
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