Do you think there any way we can talk about things and solve our problems????

[sand dollar]

Hi,

 

I haven't contacted a particular person for over ten months. I stopped being in contact becuse that person refused to talk about some things she had been doing that have been hurting me for a long time. These things have had a huge impact in my private life. Back then I wanted to talk seriously with her and see if we could come to some kind of agreement or find a solution. I left because I decided it was hopeless to keep trying. My life is very difficult now and this problem between us is still unresolved. So I am back again and hope she is willing to talk about things honestly and maybe together we can find a resolution. I am asking her to be my friend and please help me and work with me . Here is a part of the letter I sent

 

"Ellen,

Please be my friend and help me. This is a very difficult time on ly life.My Father just turned 80 years old and his health isn't good. So I don't kno whow much time he's got. And my brothers not doing well. Also very recently a health issue has developed in my life that you don't know about that is VERY serious. All these things are hitting me at the same time. You and I should work together and find a way past the problems we have. I need your help like I've never needed it before. I'm afraid I'm going to lose people in my life and not be able to say the things I need to say to them in the way I want. I know you really don't want to hurt me. You are also hurting yourself with all this too . I understand some of your issues because we both have similar problems.I have almost never asked you for anything over the last thirteen years,but I'm asking you now .Please be my friend. Please help me. Please talk to me so we can find a solution to things and both be happy. Let's not let our pride or ego's or emotional problems get in the way of being good to each other. Please help me and please be my friend. Let's not let this go on. Why don't we just find a way to honeslty communicate. I won't get mad or say things that will hurt you. Let's just talk to each other. Maybe then we can figure something out. The way things are is simply unbearable for me . I do believe we really liked each other once and we had a really beautiful rapport in our letters. Even though it's all been so overwhelming and crazy and chaotic I do think we did get to know each other a bit and there was an honest warmth and friendship and a special bond of some sort. You know it's true too I think. Why let that go? Why drift apart ? I don't like pulling away ,but if you won't work with me I feel I have no choice. Let's just talk it out and tell me how you feel and how we can find a way to redeem all this. There has to be a way. Please. I'm taking another chance by contacting you. I am putting myself on the line. All I ask is that you talk to me. Tell me what's goign on with you and then we can figure out a way to work things out. I promise you I'll be compassionate and gentle. If you help me and if you'll be my firend I will be grateful for life. I believe that if we talk to each other and trust each other and communcate honestly we can get past this. Let's not turn our backs on each other and end this in silence."

 

Anyway, that's what I sent. Does anyone have any suggestions????

[sara-pezzini]

i don't know what has happened between you two, but if i were on the receiving end of such a letter i might take it as, you don't contact me for 10 months but now you need me and you ask for my help.....depending on the relationship, issues and what happened, i might be offended.....like you only reach out when you need me.....

i hope i am getting this wrong and the rest of the mail or letter was different, because she might see it this way.....

sorry you are going through such a hard time! take care...

[amipushy]

I know you're not going to like this but I kind of agree with sara. It is a very manipulative letter and if I received one like that from someone who effectively dumped me 10 months ago (as some sort of punishment for not complying to your wishes) I'd be annoyed, angry even, and ignore it. Then I would hope you never contact me again so I dont have to lower myself into giving you a piece of my mind.

Sorry.

[sand dollar]

I find it intersting that neither of you really know the deatils about this and side with the person I am writing to. I didnt "dump" this person . I stopped talking to them because they are stealing from me. A manipulative letter? What about people who steal from you and invade your privacy are they manipulative? You too shoulkd know what your talking about befor you maje comments.

This is a person that has been doing something that is very,very wrong for many years. I have asked her for YEARS to stop and she hasn't. When you ask someone who claims to be your friend to stop hurting you and they won't ,what do you do? Do you just say ,"Oh ,well I'll just ignore the fact you are willfully hurting me' and be friends or do you say I am not going to be your friend. She has been doing this for years I have asked her to stop probably a hundred times. The things she does are interferring with my private life. Now people in my life are sick and it is more important than ever that she stops. If she feels wronged in this it's insane. When someone won't stop hurting you the message they are sending is I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU. When someone says this to me I go away. She wont go away,so I have to keep coming back and hope she will have a change of heart. The ONLY thing I have as leverage is to walk away. Becuase I have tried talking and asked her to talk things out and she wont. All I am asking her is to be a human being and have some comapssion because the things she is doing are hurting me more than ever now. If you had a friend that was stealing from you what would you do? You might talk to them about it. And then if they continued stealing from you ,you might go away for ten months or ten years right? The when you come back and try to resolve things becuase they are still stealing from you, the person that was and is stealing from you gets offended? My response to this person is simple Either do the right thing or dont expect me to ever talk to you again.Why would I want to be in contact with a person that doesnt care about me .I will NEVER put her before what's right. If that what she wants then I invite ger to go .

[sara-pezzini]

well you decided to post this thread with only the info you gave, we commented based on what YOU told us......and now i wonder, why would you want such a person back in your life????????? i wouldn't and wouldn't have tried or send that letter, just kept on ignoring her, cause it DOES now seem you want her back cause you need her, and that is not fair to either of you imo

[sand dollar]

You know what. It's not necessary to discuss this anymore because I just got my reply from her. So I dont need your impartial "Advice"any more. My reply to her will be simple. Either do the right thing or dont ever expect me to communicate with you again. Thanks anyway.

[sara-pezzini]

you post a thread here and that opens you up to advice you either like or don't like, no need to call it so called "advice" that is insulting of my time and effort...so whatever.....

things like this keep me from giving advice sometimes......people have opinions and based on what you post or not you get people giving you their opinions, that is what you get for using a public forum.

if you just want people to agree with whatever you say, just add that in the original post.

i am done here

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You know what. It's not necessary to discuss this anymore because I just got my reply from her. So I dont need your impartial "Advice"any more. My reply to her will be simple. Either do the right thing or dont ever expect me to communicate with you again. Thanks anyway.

 

Not sure what the reply was but I wouldn't count on someone who has behaved the way you says she has, to suddenly develop a conscience and compassion. Someone with emathy and compassion wouldn't have behaved the way she has in the first place.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread closed.