BF proposed to me but....

[lovinggirl]

Abitbroken, sorry for my choosing of word! I met his brother a couple of times. I meant, "when you SEE my brother". Please understand my English (not a native speaker) Lol..

 

Thank you so much for giving me so much advice, I have a feeling you've been there, done that situation. If I may know how did you end it and move on?

 

I don't know why his mom is so clingy, she has a happy marriage, his dad is with her all the time. I know some codependency usually when one parent does not exist. I'm guessing since his dad is also a surgeon (retired) he must been so busy that he hadn't have time for her, and left her with kids for years. He also told me that he wanted to wait for us to be married at least 2 years before have our first baby, because his parents have them right away, they feel weird if they spend time without the kids.

The ironic thing is : my bf's mom actually lived with his MIL for years before they bought their own home. My BF was in high school when they started live separately from his grandparents, and her MIL wasn't nice to her also. What I don't understand, if she knows what the mama's boy look like, why does she want to keep the same pattern?

[lovinggirl]

it would be very interesting to hear what his brother's ex wife has to say....

 

I always have this fantasy to contact his brother's ex and dig up some information. But...I don't think it's appropriate. I found his ex from FB and google and she lives quite close from me. Looks like she's re-married and has a baby now. Again, I feel so "not normal" for thinking about this all the time, and not thinking about myself.

[annie24]

I always have this fantasy to contact his brother's ex and dig up some information. But...I don't think it's appropriate. I found his ex from FB and google and she lives quite close from me. Looks like she's re-married and has a baby now. Again, I feel so "not normal" for thinking about this all the time, and not thinking about myself.

 

meh, i might get slammed for this, but it may be worthwhile to reach out. obviously, they're divorced, so she's probably angry and you should take whatever she says with a grain of salt. but i bet she would have some very interesting insight into their family dynamics, and you and her have had some similar experiences so you might be able to relate to her. the fact that she remarried and had a baby is good, sounds like life got better for her after they divorced. but, this is all speculation - i've never met her, obviously.

[lovinggirl]

Do you really feel that way or are you just saying that to get your friends off your back?.. chi

 

Hmm, I do feel that way lately, my roomate is 38, single and doesn't seem to care at all. Just celebrated another friend bday and accidentally saw her ID when she showed it to the waiter, and she's 52! They're both are not bad looking and nice people, and my best friends are both 36 and 35, I'm basically the youngest of all, but the most worried one. Why I have to make myself miserable with my silly target (getting married when I was 28)?

[annie24]

ok, so you're not telling people you're engaged anymore then?

[trickykid]

She clearly does not have a happy marriage, if it was so happy why does she still have two 40 something year olds living there? If she is so happy in her own marriage why is her son divorced because of her? He wants to wait 2 years to have kids because its what his parents did.

 

Is this for real? Why doesnt he just marry his parents? Take peoples advice, have a look at how the brothers marriage ended up? Is that what you want? It doesnt look as if this guy is going to stand up for you, I think your in for a long hard road, I would say

[Lonewing]

I always have this fantasy to contact his brother's ex and dig up some information. But...I don't think it's appropriate. I found his ex from FB and google and she lives quite close from me. Looks like she's re-married and has a baby now. Again, I feel so "not normal" for thinking about this all the time, and not thinking about myself.

 

...Go for it!

[Lonewing]

So basically she has become her MIL? Fun...

 

If you feel you can get him to eventually break up with his mom, go for it...but otherwise, well...

 

And as for the "you must wait 2 years before having a kid," well, kids happen because oof sex, and oppsies happen because of sex, so if you're having regular sex, oppsies can and do happen. Just saying, there's no putting a time limit on the Great Plan, whatever the Great Plan has in for us.

[abitbroken]

So basically she has become her MIL? Fun...

 

If you feel you can get him to eventually break up with his mom, go for it...but otherwise, well...

 

And as for the "you must wait 2 years before having a kid," well, kids happen because oof sex, and oppsies happen because of sex, so if you're having regular sex, oppsies can and do happen. Just saying, there's no putting a time limit on the Great Plan, whatever the Great Plan has in for us.

 

Oh heck no if he wants to wait two years because his folks did. If you were both 21 years old - yes, then there is wisdom in waiting two years. But kids should happen when you and he feel it is right in your relationship. Quite frankly, I would NOT want to bring kids into this equation. At all.

 

Also, maybe she really didn't become her MIL but she was already like her in ways and that is why her husband was attracted to her. You could very well be the opposite of your boyfriend's mother now, but if you were put in the shoes of living her, you could very well start trying to have your finger in everything just because you are trying to beat mom to the punch or trying to win out over her with her son. You won't mean to be controlling, but it may be like a defense or survival mechanism. I know I had to beat my MIL to the punch or always be one step ahead of her at all times to try to wedge myself in as to being the proper wife and not have MIL as the hostess, star, and center of it all.