5 Year Relationship(Engaged) In Flames - Plz Help

[abitbroken]

Do not send her ANY communucation. Stay strong.

[Nunyaface]

I'm not, in general, a fan of NC. But, in your case, I make an exception. Don't wish her a happy birthday. Don't contact her. If she reaches out to you don't reach back. It's over. And that's a good thing

 

I really do appreciate everyone's 2 cents. I'm curious to know more about yours. Why do you believe what you believe and about the exception etc?

[Nunyaface]

Do not send her ANY communucation. Stay strong.

 

It's easier some days than others, but I'm trying my hardest to just push on. Tonight was a low point night. Was out with friends, playing silly drinking games and watching a movie having a good time. Then it hit me all at once, the gut wrenching "I miss her" crept into me. I had to stop drinking and put on "my mask" for the rest of the night. Nobody was the wiser to my agony, but that's the only word to describe how I felt. You guys on here are the last people I really talk to about this and it helps me quite a bit. So thanks.

[Doofus]

Either she's insane, her mother is, or both. She's turned people against you, apparently for no justifiable reason. She gave you no chance to work things out or reach some kind of clarity. The way she's ended this is both irrational and needlessly destructive. But 'hey' that's often the nature of break-ups. I know. When it is, though, I can't imagine why someone on the receiving end of that would, if they think about things clearly, want to get back together. It's early days, so you're probably not thinking about things clearly. Rely on us here. We are. Don't contact her. And, I think, you should hope she doesn't contact you. You should be grateful it's over. There's lots of wonderful women out there. You're now free to be with them.

[Nunyaface]

Either she's insane, her mother is, or both. She's turned people against you, apparently for no justifiable reason. She gave you no chance to work things out or reach some kind of clarity. The way she's ended this is both irrational and needlessly destructive. But 'hey' that's often the nature of break-ups. I know. When it is, though, I can't imagine why someone on the receiving end of that would, if they think about things clearly, want to get back together. It's early days, so you're probably not thinking about things clearly. Rely on us here. We are. Don't contact her. And, I think, you should hope she doesn't contact you. You should be grateful it's over. There's lots of wonderful women out there. You're now free to be with them.

 

Let me tell you some more:

 

When we first started dating I found some raunchy posts on her wall-to-wall with a guy called Randy. Heavy flirting/sexual jokes. I told her I didn't like it, as any normal guy would. She said she would handle it, but I had trouble believing her as she had a very "what's the big deal?" attitude. My instincts screamed alarm bells. I was weak, and one day I saw she had left her facebook logged in and I couldn't help myself. I did something horrible, I checked to see what she had said to him in private. It was cowardly, an invasion of privacy, and I shouldn't have. And I wish I hadn't.

 

She had told him to 'keep that type of talk on the DL.' Not to stop, or hey that's inappropriate now since I'm in a committed relationship. Nah, "keep it on the DL." I stopped talking to her after explaining everything, and again, over the course of a few days she convinced me to ignore my instincts.

 

I have other examples, but it's painful to think about/type out. I just curse myself for making so many sacrifices, so many compromises, only for her to turn her back on me like this.

 

 

 

EDIT: I'd like to add that tonight was another low point night. I couldn't sleep, and then found myself thinking about the old days. Big mistake. You can probably all imagine my emotional state now (7:20AM). I thought I was more healed than this. I guess I was wrong.

[Nunyaface]

I should clarify that "First started dating" is roughly 3 months into it, and we were in an exclusive and committed relationship at that point. Sorry, sleep deprivation hurts my ability to type well.

[Nunyaface]

I just noticed that post-break up, I contacted her a month after, and then from that point a month later sent her that "Hi" message on facebook. I think if I can break the pattern of touching base every 30 days I can stick to it for good. I will probably need your continued support this next week and half, and then again in the beginnings of October to avoid messaging her on her birthday.

 

My friends tell me her facebook is active and she seems happy, like nothing is wrong or changed in her life. I find myself feeling guilty for keeping her from this happiness for so long.

[Doofus]

I just noticed that post-break up, I contacted her a month after, and then from that point a month later sent her that "Hi" message on facebook. I think if I can break the pattern of touching base every 30 days I can stick to it for good. I will probably need your continued support this next week and half, and then again in the beginnings of October to avoid messaging her on her birthday.

 

My friends tell me her facebook is active and she seems happy, like nothing is wrong or changed in her life. I find myself feeling guilty for keeping her from this happiness for so long.

Facebook is propaganda. Pay no attention.

[scotsguy]

Facebook is where people try to show off and make themselves look better. You only post positive things on Facebook too, right? Because you don't wanna let people see weaknesses. Same is probably true for her.

[Nunyaface]

Facebook is where people try to show off and make themselves look better. You only post positive things on Facebook too, right? Because you don't wanna let people see weaknesses. Same is probably true for her.

 

So I went to check on old friends from gainesville on facebook because I'm back in town, you know?

I come to realize bunch of friends from one of my old jobs (mutual friends of my ex's, we met working that job so that's why they are mutual friends) have removed themselves from my list. Some even blocked me. A couple of these people I know I saw on my friend's list earlier this summer.

 

My only logical conclusion is she's telling people something about me, but I can't imagine what. I swear I never lay a finger on her out of anger, spite, vindictiveness, or anything like that. I never cheated on her. I don't understand why she is making me out to be a monster. I asked one of the friends from that circle what was going on, someone who I confided in during the break-up fallout so she knows my side of it.

 

It's like it's not enough I'm suffering like this, she wants to really twist the knife, and I don't understand it. I'm not a monster... I don't deserve this..

[mhowe]

These people are FB friends, or acquaintences from an old job. They are not true friends -- and your true friends know your character and hers. Don't sweat it.